Major problems with 16yr old son...at my wits end :,(

[taylor30]

Hi,
I'm writing this in desperate hope that someone can give me some advice regarding my disrespectful 16 yr old son.
As I write i'm in floods of tears and feel like I can't cope.
Ok so i'll start with saying that up until a year ago my son was fantastic...I never had to ground him, he got on with his school work, always had a kiss and a hug for me and totally made me proud.
Somewhere along the way he got in with the wrong crowd, his school work has slipped and he has now dropped out of college before he even starts next week, he is totally disrespectful and cruel towards me and his younger sisters and has now started staying out all night.
He won't answer his phone to me or reply to my texts...tonight he is doing the same...I honestly don't know what to do I just sit here crying and wondering where he is and who with, i'm worried sick.
If I try to talk to him he ridicules me, puts me down and tells me straight that he's 16 and doesn't have to do what I say.
Please someone advise me on where i'm going wrong and how to deal with this behaviour, I really can't take it anymore ;,(

Dear taylor30,
you poor thing, I cannot believe you have yet to get a reply!
16 is such an awkward age... Not quite a child and not quite an adult, although he clearly thinks he is!
From what you have written I can feel the utter desperation and sadness coming through.... Please dry your eyes and stop torturing yourself.
I will offer some advice which you may not agree with but may help.

First stop contacting him, he is clearly not going to answer.... Who knows, he might actually wonder why you have stopped and then may try to contact you! You are getting more and more upset by his refusal to answer your calls, so stop now.

His sisters are copying him.... Has he mentioned their behaviour towards you?

Let him know that, no matter what, you still love him, you don't like him at this time but you do still love him.
I'm sorry there is no quick fix to this and the advice I have given may be of no help to you!
Teenage years are such a confusing time, some just loose their way for a while. Just be there for him.....

If worrying was an Olympic sport mothers would win gold, silver and bronze each time!

I'm so so sorry about it. I remember myself I, my 16 th birthday, running away from home with my twin sister. I know its a very difficult time for every parents. All I can say is to keep on with strong love even if he rejects you. Keep being strong, try to figure out what kind of friends he is having to make sure its not problem ones...and after some time it will all pass and get better.

Hugs to you op. most of us who have lived through their dc's teenage years recognise this behaviour to some degree. 16 is a difficult age but just hold on because it may take a year or two but he will revert to his former, sweet self. You may need to readjust your own hopes and dreams for him.

Nanny Karen could explain much better and I completely agree. Its an awkward age, a transition where teenagers think they know everything and what best for them. Just keep a close eyes, but in the same time don't force an approach he's shoeing he doesn't wants. Guide him with love always...as soon as you expect this horrible phase will pass..stay close..be fine

Thank you for your replies.
I feel like a total failure right now, I just don't understand what went wrong!?!?
My daughters aren't copying him thank goodness, they are younger than him and but disgusted in his behaviour, he treats them like dirt also which is hard to see.
I have given up phoning him tonight but I just can't settle not knowing where he is this is my 3rd night with no sleep because he chooses not to come home...if only he knew how much I worry about him.
I feel like he is punishing me for something and I honestly don't know what :,(

Taylor can I suggest that you ask this to be moved to teenagers or repost there. So many posters especially Maryz will be able to give you useful advice. There are lots of useful threads.

I also have a 16 year old testing the boundaries/being a pain in the arse! I find the teen board very useful!

You are not a failure, he is a teenager!

taylor30 - Sorry I don't have much to add in the way of practical advice but I can empathise! I am the Mum of a child who has just started her second year of sixth form and this past year has been a huge learning curve. The period after their GCSE's brings about a difficult time where they think they are adults but we still want to enforce boundaries! Very confusing for everyone involved! All I can say is I am sure you have done everything right and not failed in anyway, and he will come through this. x

I didn't want to read and not reply. I myself don't have teenagers, I have two dds that will b and I'm dreading it in someways lol. I was one of those 16 year olds who thought I was older than I was. I dropped out of college after only a month, got a crap job thought it was great until a week of working 40 hours. I also used to stay out all night, everything your son is doing. The advise I can give you is what my parents did and that was, they supported me in whatever I wanted to do and told me I could always go to college later, which i did. If I wanted to go out just to let them know by sending the odd text here and there.
There is something about turning sixteen. As a teenager you think there is so much more independence because you aren't at school anymore but in reality you are still a child.
Like me at that age, he's not doing it to hurt you he's just finding his new boundaries and trying to get more independence. Boys and girls are very different though. I only understand now how my parents must've felt. You are doing a really good job.
I'm not sure if I've helped in anyway and it has been a while since I was sixteen. ;)

Hi what is the teen board and how do I get on to that.
? My son is 16. His dad and I divorced when he was one but have an amicable relationship with my son spending 5 nights with me per week and two with his dad. since turning 16 he has started to want to spend more time with his dad. The rules there are very lax and he doesn't have to do any dishes etc so I can understand that life is easier there.

Even though my husband has cared for my son since he was three my son treats him with no respect which is causing trouble between us. My son does not bother to ring and tell me he is staying another night at his dads and I am heart broken and feel I am losing him and he will want to live there permanently. I understand he is growing and needs his own space etc and am trying to ride the storm but it is so hard

I'm 23 , so not a near age to 16 but I remember being 16 I was arrogant and thought I was grown up hahah my son is 6 just turned , but I wish I had listened to my mum dear god !!! It's only when your older you realise this though sadly! What I think would of worked for me was a very strict scary mum (it's hard if you weren't that way before obviously though ) someone who was honest about where I'd end up with no sugar coating if I didn't knuckle down ( years on I had to go to college again and now at uni bloody hard work !!) so I did mess my education up being a brat for sure , someone who wasn't trying to be my friend would of been good ... Take away any money(if your son hadn't got a job ) so he learns the consequences of staying out etc ...now he's older he needs to learn to start his own routines and what works for him ... If he stays out he will be late for work ... ( he can't do much with no pocket money too) has he got a hobby?? My other half loved golf and horse riding when he was younger his mum and dad told him it would attract girls lol ... Now we own two horses together so yes that's certainly true :-) but golf kept him focused and competitive with his friends at that age apparently and at 28 he's still into golf ...and wins money at his golf society comps men whatever age are driven by some type of sport so I'd use that to your advantage whatever it is .... Even now my oh won't go out if he's got golf etc ... It's usually a combo or border and impressing friends ...