Tears at hair time

FlameBoo · 2006-06-19T08:16:30+00:00

She's 3, and we have screaming tears every time I tie her hair up. If it is loose then it is very fine flyaway hair that gets in her eyes, irritates her, and makes her look like a scarecrow. I only put it up about every other day because I remember how much your head can ache when it is tied back every day, but we have hysterical tears nearly every single time. I try to be as gentle as I can. Things got better for a few days when Psychomum gave us a different brush, but she seems to be immune to the new brush now. I can't put up with this hell every day - it puts both of us in a foul mood, and is a cr*ppy start to the day. :(

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

FlameBoo · 19/06/2006 09:17

Oh, tried bribery and sticker charts... both to no avail.

Sticker chart comment today "No sticker, hair loooooooooooose"

OP posts:

Gillian76 · 19/06/2006 09:18

Been there...

It will get better but it might take a long time. If you really can't put up with it, would a haircut help?

tortoiseshell · 19/06/2006 09:19

We get through this with lots of stories - usually about Noddy setting up a hairdressing shop, and Dinah Doll not wanting her hair brushed, but Big Ears persuading her, and Noddy doing it EVER so gently....etc etc etc ad nauseum! Or Sly and Gobbo stealing the hairbrush. Obviously, brushing away whilst gabbling the story out!

bizzi · 19/06/2006 09:29

Been there too, a Mason Pearson brush was what saved our sanities. Not cheap but oh so worth it!
Think a haircut is a good idea, 4 is young for long hair

Original poster

FlameBoo · 19/06/2006 12:37

Its not long hair - shoulder length at most, but long enough to blow in her eyes/mouth. I will investigate the new brush and storytelling.

After this morning's battles... hair is down again already!!! She is tired, so curled up with a blanket and took em out!!!

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WigWamBam · 19/06/2006 12:40

Is she like this whatever you do with her hair, or just when you tie it up? Maybe a narrow Alice band or some pretty clips would feel less uncomfortable for her.

How is her hair cut? Perhaps a different cut might help as well - keeping it shorter, or giving her a fringe.

Earlybird · 19/06/2006 12:40

Cut her hair shorter until she's older. Have you tried one of the de-tangling sprays?

warthog · 19/06/2006 12:50

My hair is also very fine and gets knotted really easily. I remember having a hard time with my mum wanting to comb my hair and put it up. i used to dread it because it was always so painful.

Some tips:

brush before you wash as well as after
use a soft brush
brush from bottom upwards, so get rid of tangles in bottom inch first, then brush bottom two inches etc.
don't pile up hair on head when washing, just work shampoo through from top to bottom
plaiting the hair looks nice and you can get away with leaving the odd small knot if you're struggling to get it out.
get her to choose some nice hair accessories so she looks forward to using them
try using different shampoos. some shampoos really make my knots a lot worse.

hth

NomDePlume · 19/06/2006 12:52

My DD is also a fine haired 3 year old scarecrow. TBH, I've never sloowed her hair to get to a length where we can tie it back, partly because it was very slow growing, and also because it is so fine that clips/bobbles etc just slide out. I keep her flyaway hair in a little bob, just a little shorter than jaw length. Using a light leave in conditioner helps to weigh it down a bit too, and reduces the frizzies.

NomDePlume · 19/06/2006 12:54

'sloowed' ?!, that should have said 'allowed'

JackieNo · 19/06/2006 12:54

We find that using separate rinse-out conditioner on DD's hair has made a huge difference to the knottiness.

NomDePlume · 19/06/2006 12:56

I use a rinse out conditioner on DD's hair every 3 days (3 washes), any more and it makes it greasy, any less and there's no effect.

frogs · 19/06/2006 12:57

Cut it short, surely? That's what I've just done with dd2 (2.5) who also declines to have her hair brushed and will not countenance any form of clip or ties in it. You don't have to go for the full short-back-and-sides, just cut a short fringe and short bob round the sides and back, roughly level with the bottom of the ears. That way it's too short to go in her eyes, or need much brushing come to that. Dd2's gets brushed once or maybe twice a week.

From prior experience with dd1, I'd say only let them have long hair once they're old enough to accept the brushing/washing regime without making a major fuss (age 6 at the earliest). Life is too short for complicated hairdos. Oh, and use lots of conditioner.

Enid · 19/06/2006 12:58

short bobs are the way to go

both mine have fine knotty hair

frogs · 19/06/2006 13:01

And only wash it when absolutely essential. Dd2's hair gets a proper wash every few weeks, or when she's had her head in the sandpit or something. Paint and jam etc comes out quite nicely using a wet flannel.

bouncyball · 19/06/2006 22:30

Hi haven't read all replies so sorry if I repeat but have just done this and come out the other side. I too have fine fly away haired DD (2.6) who hated water on hair, brushing etc. So did opposite of frogs and washed or wet her hair every night whilst singing songs etc. now shes fine and I can tip a whole jug of water over her head with no probs (she still hates showers!!)started by having a bath with her and taking it in turns to wet each others heads which she loved!
My tip for putting her up is to do it whilst she eats breakfast in front of the tv so she's mega distracted and to use those very small elastic hair bands you can get from Clairs Accessories. I used them because they stay in fine hair easily and they can't pull them out. I started by doing very small bunches that would keep hair away from face and wasn't too fussy about how neat or level they were. If they were in it was good enough for me! Never added pretty slides, bobbles etc. Just went for practicality. Also went OTT on praise and how wonderful she looked and got lots of other people to comment too. Now 6mths later I can plait it add all sorts of accessories and she loves 'pretty hair'. Hope thats helpful

bouncyball · 19/06/2006 22:33

Flameboo if you do use small elastic bands my tip for getting them out easily and pain free is to slowly tease the hair out from under the band. This pushes the band further down towards the end of the hair where the hair is thinner and comes off easily.

bouncyball · 19/06/2006 22:34

Hi haven't read all replies so sorry if I repeat but have just done this and come out the other side. I too have fine fly away haired DD (2.6) who hated water on hair, brushing etc. So did opposite of frogs and washed or wet her hair every night whilst singing songs etc. now shes fine and I can tip a whole jug of water over her head with no probs (she still hates showers!!)started by having a bath with her and taking it in turns to wet each others heads which she loved!
My tip for putting her up is to do it whilst she eats breakfast in front of the tv so she's mega distracted and to use those very small elastic hair bands you can get from Clairs Accessories. I used them because they stay in fine hair easily and they can't pull them out. I started by doing very small bunches that would keep hair away from face and wasn't too fussy about how neat or level they were. If they were in it was good enough for me! Never added pretty slides, bobbles etc. Just went for practicality. Also went OTT on praise and how wonderful she looked and got lots of other people to comment too. Now 6mths later I can plait it add all sorts of accessories and she loves 'pretty hair'. Hope thats helpful

bouncyball · 19/06/2006 22:35

oops don't know how I managed to post this twice

MeAndMyBoy · 19/06/2006 22:45

You can buy detangling spray - which I think is a leave in type conditioner. SIL swears by it as both my nieces have the same sort of hair.

I would say cut it short until she is old enough to do it herself, or happy to accept it being brushed, put up with out complaining. Harsh possibly but just not ready for that fight.

snuffy143 · 19/06/2006 23:12

I got some good advice here previously. My DD has longish hair and we'd been having nightmare brushing sessions. Two things have sorted it...Timotei shampoo and conditioner for mid to long hair (red/pink bottle) and a loose plait at night. We are now a tangle free, stress free zone. No more threats of a number two all over!

Original poster

FlameBoo · 20/06/2006 08:13

Soooo much advice! It is mainly the tying up that she hates - she likes "plips" but pulls em out/looses them whilst playing so I don't trust her anymore... The thin alice band idea is worth a try.

We tend to use the little towelling bands now - I used to use the teeny elastics but she sussed how to pull them out just far enough to look completely insane

I'd forgotten that we used to do it when she was distracted and it was a lot easier.(cleaning her teeth usually because she can play with water, and there is water there to get the brush wet)

She does need a hair cut too - her fringe got wonkied by me a while ago, but the actual length hasn't been tackled for a while.

I'll try out a different conditioner too - we have the johnson's baby conditioner, but it doesn't seem to do a lot.

Thankyou for all of your advice.

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