Help! Can't cope with bad behaviour, or is it more?

[claire677]

My son is 2 years and 4 months, his behaviour can sometimes be appalling. For example, last weekend we took him to the park. He pushed a child over, I took him for a time out and he screamed and headbut the floor. He then ran off towards a girl, pulled her off the seesaw and wouldn't let go. I removed him from the situation, told him it wasn't the right thing to do and took him out of the park. He screamed for twenty minutes and threw himself at a wall.

Today, I took him into town. He screamed as I wouldn't let him go into the betting shop. I don't know why he would want to go into the betting shop, I have never been in there. He threw himself on the floor, screamed, headbut the concrete and wet himself. I ended up carrying him back to the car as he was hurting himself and trying to throw himself in front of cars. When he screams he sounds like he has been possessed. I took him back and placed him on the back seat, locked the doors and sat on the curb waiting for him to calm down. I don't loose my temper with him and I don't know why he acts this way. There is nothing that I can do to calm him down. If anyone can give me any advice I would be grateful as I can't cope with this. The health visitor has said that he has behaviour issues and to continue with what I am doing, this makes no difference. Can anyone help me?

I would probably speak to your GP and discuss whether ds's issues merit a referral to a developmental paediatrician as a HV has no specialist knowledge of child development and isn't in a position to diagnose behanioural issues tbh.
What is is speech like? Does he play well? How does he sleep? Does he go to playgroup? How does he manage there?

Is he getting enough sleep? Regular healthy snacks? Sugary diet?
Any ear issues?

His speech isn't very good. HV said that they may look at sending him to a speach therapist if there's no improvement in the the next year.

He doesn't play well with others, I have taken him to groups myself and have put him into a nursery (one day a week). Nursery are concerned as he plays well with the children and then, for no reason, flips out and hits them. He doesn't like the word 'no', but what child does?

He does sleep well. Sometimes he will have an hours nap during the day, then he will go to bed between 19:30 and 20:00 and sleep through until 07:00.

Have they checked his ears? If his hearing isn't great then neither will his speech. it could be that he doesn't know how to communicate so you need to show him that you've understood what he wants but the answer might be no.

He is in a good routine with food. He will choose cereal or toast for breakfast with a cup of milk. Snack time is usually fruit. Lunch is sandwich or jacket potato and then a yogurt. Afternoon snack is cheese crackers or plain, depending on what he wants, and dries fruit. Dinner is what ever we are all having. I don't allow sweets, biscuits, crisps or anything like that as it effects his eczema (dairy used too, but he seems to have grown out of that now). He has sugar free squash during the day and a milk drink before bed.

I try and keep him in a regular routine as anything out of the ordinary can cause major tantrums.

The only ear problems he has are sores to the top and bottom creases and they tend to rip (his Dad has the same problem).

Sorry, his ears (hearing) is fine. I do talk him through everything and explain the reasons and outcomes to him. He does understand quite a lot when he is in the mood too. It's just when something makes him flip, there is no talking to him or reasoning with him. The most horrible thing is, when I look into his eyes it's like he's not even there. I don't know how else to explain it.

That does sound disproportionate to your "normal" two year old tantrums, and it sounds like you're dealing with it all in the right way so I don't know what to suggest I would probably second the GP suggestion. I'm guessing he doesn't go to nursery yet so no hope getting any help through there.

The only thing that does stick out to me in your post is the sugar free squash, only because I've seen a few threads recently where children are sensitive to certain sweeteners such as aspartame, it might be better to try diluted fruit juice or one of the squashes which doesn't contain artificial sweeteners. I don't think sweeteners are evil or anything, but I do think there seems to be evidence that some children are affected by them, whereas sugar is really only going to affect teeth (no problem if you brush regularly)

Thank you all for your advice. I will try the diluted fruit juice, I'll try anything! It breaks my heart to see him this way. When he is good, he is golden. Then he flips out, sometimes for no reason at all (none that I can see anyway).

I will give the GP a call on Monday and take him in.

I think if you were going to avoid sweeteners you would have to avoid them in all things ie checking labels etc for a while, but worth a try maybe. I hope you find some help and support or he improves soon, sounds hard work!

In many places you can self refer to speech therapy so I would do that if it's a possibility there. Waiting a year seems a long time to wait considering dd had speech therapy before she was two. Frustration could be a cause of a lot of his meltdowns.
I would definitely speak to your GP listing your concerns and ask for a referral to a paediatrician.

I wouldn't give te juice at all, I would review the dairy as it could still cause low level discomfort. I would also give more substantial snacks eg hummus, avocado, bananas etc and compensate with smaller meals. You don't want him starving for meals.

You've just described my DS!
He is 2.10 and touch wood things are improving
We have been through everything you have just said, hitting pushing ect, for no apparent reason just because someone was stood there its hard and you have my sympathies!

Best advise I had was to ignore the temper tantrums, but sounds like your doing everything else right.

Just with you mentioning the eczema, does he has any other illness like asthma?

I would certainly recommend asking your GP for a referral to a Developmental Paediatrician, if only to rule out any concerns. Also, if the speech delay is alongside the behavioural issues, it is possible the latter is his way of communicating, so a referral to SALT (speech & language therapy) can also identify any issues.

There are so many possible answers to, I'm sure your many questions that it cannot hurt to rule things out. Also, if any issue of ear discomfort or hearing issues, a quick hearing test can also rule out any issues such as Glue Ear, which can cause discomfort for the child and also cause speech delay. I am no expert but have been there myself.

Good luck.

Reading your thread and lollipop reply has made me feel so much better as my ds 2years 10 months is EXACTLY the same and it is upsetting me so much I often won't take him out where there will be other children and let dh do it instead ! Our problem is worst with ds1 pushing ds2 who is 18 months old a lot of the time although sometimes he's great it does seem the tantrums and shoving mostly only happen when ds1 is tired which is often as he isnt a great sleeper xxx

My ds (now 4) was very similar but at different ages. He was very difficult between 1&2, screaming, throwing etc then things improved slightly once his speech got better. However between 3&4 he got even worse. Hitting, throwing, wild tantrums where he seemed like he was possessed! Naughty step did nothing as he would find something to throw or bang so we couldn't just ignore. We tried EVERYTHING but nothing worked. It takes time & all your doing is great, I found it hard to keep calm after 2 years of it so we put him in his room where he cant hurt himself or others to calm down. Still doing this now but rarely.
Changing his diet helped, he also had a diary & tomato allergy as a baby (0-2 years) causing severe eczema. Age 3 I took wheat out of diet for 3 months which helped a bit. Also reduced diary intake again.
Tiredness & hunger are his triggers. Aged 1-3 he would need 2-3 hour nap in afternoon.
we also found that he couldn't deal with his emotions properly. I used flash cards to help with this.
Definitely see Gp & get ears checked. When my ds has had a cold his ears get blocked & his behaviour worsens long after cold has gone. Get referral for speech too as the only way I got through & could see some change was being able to communicate.
Good luck & don't be disheartened you are doing the right things. Let us know how you get on.

why not only water. do go to your Dr for advice. good luck