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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Potty Training - just can't get the hard stuff sorted

25 replies

bun · 11/02/2004 10:33

My little boy - v nearly 3 - is find about peeing - tells me when, does it in his potty etc. Haven't had an accident for months. But he just won't do poos in the potty. Rather complacently does it in his pants then tells me. If I see it coming and suggest the potty, he refuses and holds on til later. When I first started training him (about 5 months ago) he did co-operate with poos but has taken to refusing. I have tried bribery. It isn't working. I don't know what else to do but am trying TRYING TRYING not to put pressure on him.

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norm1 · 11/02/2004 21:59

My ds, just turned 3, does exactly the same. he's been dry since Christmas but has only done one poo in the potty. all the others have been in his pants or his bedtime nappy. So good to hear he's not the only one! guess will just have to give it time..and a lot of pants....

Lethal · 12/02/2004 00:24

bun & norm1, some people might not agree with this but I took a different approach... ds had been potty trained for a while, when he suddenly started pooing in his pants. I figured it was out of laziness and 'convenience' in his mind (I can't be bothered sitting on the potty so I'll just do it in my pants). I would ask him if he needed to do a poo, he'd say "no" and then a few minutes later would do one in his pants. Well after the fiftieth time of washing out his pants, cleaning up the mess and putting clean pants on him, when he did it again I disciplined him for it... which meant doing some 'time out' in his room and taking his toys away. I told him that he was not to poo in his pants anymore, I wanted him to use the potty or mummy would not be happy.

He has not done it again since that day, and he now sits happily on the potty every time he needs to do a poo. So I know what they say about keeping calm etc, but perhaps it helps to get a little tough every now and then. It worked for me anyway. All I have to do now is get him to do it in the big toilet instead of the potty.

Original poster

bun · 13/02/2004 14:02

Yeah, I know what you mean....a bit o tough love might do the trick. I just can't face going backwards any further! And how do you get them to hold their own willies when their standing up?

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shrub · 13/02/2004 14:20

have you tried lining the potty with a nappy? - that sometimes helps them get the message. i also used sweets for a reward, it was the only time my ds1 got any ,so the motivation was there! we are now at the standing up stage, you have to hold their willies to begin with, try garden first, then be prepared for the loo and your hands to get very wet while they get the hang of it and lots of praise. my friend put a ping pong ball in the loo to encourage them to aim better. hope this helps

ponygirl · 13/02/2004 14:57

I still can't get my ds1 (5!) to hold his own willy, so any tips on that one gratefully received!

dcolagirl · 14/02/2004 19:00

DS1 is 3.5 and only ever wet whilst stood up - would never sit on the potty. BUT will hold a poo all day so he can poo in his nappy at bedtime. HELP!!!!

shrub · 15/02/2004 09:01

dcolagirl this is not for the fainthearted.....but my ds1 got the message when i pooed in his potty while he was there, gave myself lots of praise and a sweet.also took him to the toilet with me at every opportunity. ignore for now when he poos in his nappy, then heap on the praise when he goes on the potty. talk about and list all his friends and family who all go to the potty/toilet., this then reinforces what is required and models the behaviour you want them to copy even better is to find a willing older child to show him. the things you have to do.....eeek.

Original poster

bun · 17/02/2004 19:02

Shrub- that is the first time I've ever heard that suggestion...but it sounds like a good one, even if it does remind me of backpacking round India.

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BadHair · 17/02/2004 19:12

Oh Shrub - you've just had me crying with laughing! I'm at work (in a library) so am having to stifle the sniggers, but I'd love to see my ds1's face if I pooed in his potty then had his sweets!
Will definitely remember this one for when ds2 is training.

LadyCodworth · 17/02/2004 19:17

Pony, no my boys prefer to jut their groins out

girliefriend · 16/04/2008 21:02

My little girl is the same, has been dry for about a month but will hold on until she has her bedtime nappy on before going for a poo! Driving me mad!

MinkyBorage · 16/04/2008 21:04

shrub, that's hilarious, I may try it!!!

chocoplease · 17/04/2008 11:44

My ds has been dry and clean since before his second birthday but did quite often refuse to use the potty at the beginning and preferred to go to the garden I think this may have had something to do with the dog! Funnily enough when at others houses or playgroup he would use the toilet, maybe put your wee boy straight onto the toilet and tell him what a clever, big boy he is? As for the holding willie thing let him go to the toilet with his daddy or any other male role model so he can see what to do, then your only other worry is when they have sword/pee fights! Nice!

cookiemonstress · 17/04/2008 12:32

.. dd1 is exactly the same. She is 3.4 and was potty trained in oct. Wees fine and poos fine initially but then decided only place to poo was in pants or in nighttime nappy. We have been going through knickers at a rate to match P diddy.

Have incentivised, co-erced, encouraged in every possible way you can imagine. Went to speak to HV about it last week as starting to get fear and HV was keen to tell me about dd1 using this as a form of control (after months of giving dd1 the benefit of the doubt i think she is right).

So last week, I went shopping and bought dd1 all sorts of pink tat that I would never normally buy her and put it in a big tupperware tub which I taped up so she could see but not touch. The following morning I told her that a princess (she is obsessed with idea of princesses) had visited mummy and daddy and given us these presents for dd1 because she is big enought to do poos on the toilet. Every time she does a poo on the toilet she can choose one present but everytime she does one in her pants, mummy and daddy will take a present out and leave for the princess to collect overnight and give to little girls who hadn't poo'd in their pants. In 24 hours we had 3 poos in the toilet!! . Worringly in the last couple of days when I have been at work, there have been 'accidents' so the new pink shoes are waiting on door step for Princess to take back so we are not out of the woods yet but interesting that she would do it for the princess and not mummy and daddy!

vnmum · 17/04/2008 13:16

im interested in this too, DS (2.4) started potty training himself two weeks ago. i know its early days but he did a few poos in the potty when he had no pants on. he is dry during the day now, dry at nap times and was nearly dry last night (did a big wee all over the floor this morning as refused to sit on potty after nappy taken off. DH was with him and shouted at him etc which im not pleased about but thats a different story). anyway DS almost always does his poos in his pants. if he is naked he will go to the potty or will say poo just as hes about to do it so i can get him on the potty but when hes wearing pants he just seems to do it, even to the point of going out of the room, pooing then coming in to say he has. what do i do?
i am using a sticker chart at the moment where he gets a sticker for using the potty and a sad face for an accident. if he gets all stickers and no faces at the end of the day he gets a treat.

sazzlesb · 17/04/2008 18:19

Hi it's so reassuring to see that I'm not the only one with this problem. I have boy/girl twins coming up to 3. Trained girl 1st and after a stuttering start, got it beautifully for weeing (bypassed potty straight to toilet and barely any accidents) but 3 months on, she has still only done one poo on the toilet. Every day she waits til we put her bedtime nappy on and then does it straight away. Trained her brother a month after her - he surprised me and got the whole thing straight away and is the opposite - does about 4 poos on the toilet a day (he is a bloke I suppose!)! I thought she would learn from him, but no and I'm getting really frustrated. trying not to make an issue of it because I know of at least 2 kids who are now permanently constipated because they have "issues" with poo-ing. How long shall I give it before resorting to tougher tactics?

xxoddball · 17/04/2008 20:54

Hi there
My Dd was the same she knew when she wanted to go did all the right stuff just wouldn't go on the potty or the loo.
I think the penny dropped for her when she saw her cousin (older 5 years very close thou)to have a poo and she just went on from there.
we had done everything...
she took ages to wee train too, just got up one day and said i am not wearing nappies anymore i think we had 2 or 3 accidents after that.
Only wet the bed once - that was during a storm.
dry happened at 2.11 months poo came at 3.2 (she was born 3 months early so dont know if that makes any difference)
hope yours all get there soon

mosschops30 · 17/04/2008 20:55

ds was the same for ages, in the end I resorted to chocolate bribery and he got it finally, then took weeks to wean him off having chocolate every time he pooed

mum2max · 17/04/2008 21:34

my boy 3.5 has been training now for 10 months. Only had 1 week in that time with no accidents. I've spent a fortune on stickers, charts, chocolate and prizes. even a plastic fireman sam won't do it nor a charlie and lola DVD for a whole week dry. I can cope with cleaning wees, it's the poos that I have difficulty with. It even makes ds gag himself! I have a stash of 21 pairs of undies, and occasionally run out before I can the poor worn out old washer on the go (no I'm not talking about the husband!)

Even putting his fave thomas tank engine pants on to keep clean only works for a couple of days then the novelty wears off. Incentives only seem to last a short time.???

I'm end of my tether. How long is last supposed to last? According to ERIC (child pee and poo charity) after 4yrs it's ABNORMAL. That's 5 mths away! What then? Local preschool won't take them unless they're dry during day so he'll have to stay at nursery til that happens.

I'm not even thinking about taking him out of pull ups at night yet. doesn;t seem any point? He has a potty in his bedroom but inisists on pooing in nappy as soon as he gets up. I even had to change his pull up at 4am two nights ago- how weird is that???

my hands are red raw from washing cleaning washing cleaning!!!

soph28 · 17/04/2008 22:11

I trained my ds at 2.4. It took him a while but what worked was

Using the toilet- he NEVER used a potty, refused point blank.
sticker charts, sweets, chocolates and little wrapped up presents like a lucky dip which he would get after so many successes.
Time out if he had an accident after I had asked/taken him to the toilet and he had refused.

We did have the holding on till bedtime nappy for a while but I didn't mind that so much.

Now at just 3 he is brilliant. We can get through whole days out, naptime and long car journeys with no accidents. I think he has had about 3 accidents in the last 4 months (only wees though).

Mum2max- don't know what to suggest except getting tougher on accidents if you haven't already.
I think the night thing is a whole different thing. DS is nowhere near ready to come out of nappies at night- he is soaking in the morning so pull ups would be useless, he won't use a potty and can't use toilet on his own and I'm not getting up in the night to take him so he can just stay in nappies till they're dry. Have you tried cutting out fruit etc after 2/3pm so that he doesn't poo at night?

mybabywakesupsinging · 17/04/2008 22:46

We had to just wait. It took ds1 8 long months to decide the toilet was the place to poo (rather than his pants). And he is still far from reliable with wees at 3.2. However he has bizarrely been almost 100% dry overnight for months and months...strange boy...

mum2max · 18/04/2008 08:57

i've just noticed the dates on the original postings on this thread- feb 2004. The question of course now is HAVE THEY STOPPED POOING AND WEEING IN PANTS YET?!!!

Any tips from Bun, Norm1 and dcolagirl, now you've got through it??

And- BadHair - did you try it!!!!!

Springflower · 18/04/2008 14:24

Sorry, I havent read everything but when you say you have tried bribery what did you actually do? Although sometimes its really easy to bribe children (or reward behaviour we want to reinforce!) sometimes its harder and there are lots of rules psychologists use for reinforcement programmes.

mum2max · 18/04/2008 21:31

I'm by no means a psychology expert!! I give him a little prize eg a small piece of chocolate easter egg or whatever (very small mind you - a bit stingey?). He gets a sticker on his chart for a whole day without accidents. After 7 days (ideally in a row but that doesn't happen) he gets a bigger prize e.g. a plastic figure of fireman sam or a toy car.
If he is wet or poos in pants at any time in day he gets no prize or sticker on chart. We try not to make a big fuss or tell him off.

At nursery he also wees and poos in pants sometimes. They operate a slightly different system in that he gets a sticker EVERY time he used toilet, and gets a sticker removed every time he has an accident. He still has accidents there. More than at home usually.

I don;t like that one cos (as a teacher) we get told not to take away rewards, but to simply not give them when target not met.

We use a sticker chart cos he really responds to one for "good bedtimes and mornings". Where he has to get to the top of a chart (usually 20- 30 squares) and then he gets a day out with one of his friends at Crealy (a local adventure park), very tacky but kids love it. It's worked wonders for behaviour at bedtime and mornings. He has a bunny clock that opens eyes and ears pop up when time to leave room. If he stays in room until bunny wakes up (never later than 7am) he gets a sticker on chart. He has a potty in his room as we have a down stairs toilet.

If he likes stickers on the behaviour chart (in bedroom) I don;t understand why he doesn;t respond to stickers on his wee chart (in bathroom)???

where am i going wrong????

HELP...

ps. We had two wee accidents today but no poo. Had a poo in a potty at friends house after which he got lots of cuddles and praise. Maybe getting over effect of squits last fortnight?

TeeBee · 28/04/2008 11:10

My DS1 also did not like poos until I pointed out the lovely (and very exciting) splashnoise you can make with a poo on the toilet. Worked a treat!

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