18 month old cries A LOT. I am on edge and miserable.

[Gyllenhaalic]

This might come out as one giant rant so I apoligise in advance.

My DS has always been what I would describe as a grumpy baby. I don't like labelling him but he has earned a bit of a reputation as being a cryer. It makes me sad but it's always him who's whinging and crying.

He is beautiful and can for very brief periods of the day be smiley and loving but these moments are few and far between.

He spends a good amount of his time with a frown and fake crying. Whinging and whining which can quickly escalate to all out screaming and sobbing.

I never really know why he's crying. Sometimes he will smile and laugh and then it just turns into a whinge.

He seems very frustrated. He's not yet walking and is receiving physiotherapy due to weak ankles. I think this could be adding to his frustration.

The problem is, it just seems that every little thing seems to tip him over the edge. He will literally just be sat and I'll sit and talk to him, he'll start to moan and crawl off crying.

If we close a door, he'll cry because he wanted it open. If he sees something he wants he'll cry. to be fair he has got about 30 words which he will use but he will say 'cup', before we've even had chance to pass him the cup he's crying for it.

I am at a loss as to what to do.

He will get up in the morning and whinge to come downstairs. Whinge in his high chair all through breakfast. Stand at the front window pointing and saying 'dar' (car) and then cries because we're not going in the car.

We were at a childrens party today and every person commented on how grumpy he was which just breaks my heart. I have started to make excuses for him and pretend he's teething or ill just because I feel so inadequate saying 'he's always like this.'

He was a grumpy baby who screamed and we've been back and forth to doctors and paediatrician incase of reflux. Tried him on Ranitidine and gaviscon but that didn't work. I cut out dairy from his diet for months, that didn't do anything either. Out of sheer desperation I took him to an Osteopath but again that didn't help.

We take him out and as long as the pushchair is moving he's relatively happy (well, he's not crying or moaning). I read to him but he gets annoyed and tries to snatch the book and gets frustrated with it. I play with him but he ends up getting frustrated with toys and throwing them accross the room and then whinging. How do I deal with this?

I just feel all out of ideas with him. I don't understand him and I just want him to be happy.

Is this normal? I keep thinking he must have something developmentally wrong with him. I scare myself by googling things and have come up with all kinds of sensory processing disorders/ autism/ extra chromosome diseases! The problem is that he's not predictable so I can never tell what will make him kick off and start crying so it's not one set thing that he hates or triggers him. He just seems unhappy.

Any ideas as to what's going on with him and how I can help him?

I'm so scared that he will always be like this and I'll have to walk on eggshells with him forever.

Are you by any chance in the S.E OP? Dd is similar age & very similar- perhaps we could introduce them!!
It's tough, I often wonder if nursery or a child minder would help as seeing that other the other kids might help.
Hopefully they'll grow out of it soon...

Thank you to everyone continuing to post. We have looked into some baby signing classes round here, I am hoping it'll help but my fear is that he will just moan and get bored throughout it but nothing ventured nothing gained! I am repared to try anything.

No sadly magic I am in the East Midlands. Has your DD been like it for long? DS seems to have been bortn with this glum look on his face .

Yes dd screamed & screamed from the moment she was born. I Barely put her down for the first year. She's finding life easier now she's walking & beginning to talk thankfully. she.M still doesn't like other people outside the immediate family & is rather unhappy most of the time it's tough but prob like you, we've found a few things that help. Good luck no doubt they will be rays of sunshine as teenagers!

I know this is s really old thread, but can you tell me the outcome and of anything helped...?

Lauraloo I've come here looking for advice and outcomes too, I guess you're having a fun time of it?!! I know I am....

I would love to know if OP found answers / anything that helped. I could have written the original post myself about my now 21 month old. Everyone has noticed that he is an unhappy child. My older son is so happy, polite, kind, gentle and caring so I know the behavior of my youngest isn't normal but I don't know what to do. We tried dairy free (peas recommended) and thought that was helping but 2 weeks later we are back to square one.

Try teaching him letters and numbers. He might be super intelligent and easily bored.

Wondered the outcome of this? This is my situation to a tee, even the sleep patterns apart from the fact that my 17 month old can literally say only 2 words. Im seriously at my wits end. Would love to hear how your little one is now?

Any updates from any of you lovely ladies now your little ones are a bit older? A lot of this reminds me of my 18 month old and it would be good to know whether I can expect a light at the end of the toddler tunnel!

My DD was terrible at that age. from about 8 months until almost 2 she would just moan / cry and kick off about everything. She’s now almost 3 and is much much better. She still can be a bit of a drama lama but generally she’s a happy girl and loads easier.

DS (15 months) is better, he’s always been easier but he does a lot of moaning and crying at the moment.

I don’t think it means they will be a miserable child / adult just a phase! But I feel your pain, it’s very difficult!

I know this thread is 5 years old but it describes my 18 month old quite accurately. I'm wondering how your son's behavior/disposition is now?

This also describes my 1 year old - I recently googled 'high needs baby' and fits this description to a tee. It has transformed the way I think about his behaviour and made me much more understanding and accepting. I am now looking forward to watching his character develop as according to the high needs description he will not be a wallflower when he is older! Apparently 10% of babies are like this - I know of another two. I would highly recommend reading about it.

This is us... 20months in since day dot!!
My goodness it’s tough 😢
Would love to know how everyone who has commented (including original lady who posted) or/and in same boat is getting on now? Would love to hear of some light at the end of the tunnel!
Thank you 😊

I would also love to know outcomes as i have a 7 month old who sounds like a young version of these babies!

Well - it seems this May BH weekend has brought a few of us out.

I am desperate to know how this ended up. Pretty much all of this is my second daughter - the exception being that she is walking. She also knows a reasonable amount of words, but more nouns as opposed to being able to communicate what she wants.

CarlyJJ and Surreygirl1987 - what's the gist of it with your babies?

My daughter will be 18 months at the end of May. She came into this world screaming uncontrollably (elective at 39+2) and largely hasn't stopped.

She had severe reflux as a baby (on both Ranitidine and Omeprazole) and it didn't go until she was past a year. So understandably she has no tolerance. Lots of people have told me reflux/colic babies are particularly hard and challenging growing up.

We have moments of her being a gorgeous and happy little girl and if you were to see her then only you'd think nothing is the matter. So much so that when she's like that I think it's all in my head. But it definitely isn't.

Everything is a struggle and whatever I do to try and appease her ends up being more hassle than it was worth.

I have a 4.5 year old daughter who is a little angel. She pushed the boundaries at times as a little one and we were strict, and we've not had any issues with her. I used to be pretty smug about it, so no doubt the behaviour of my second girl is karma...

She's a challenge for all although if I'm not around esp., and largely also my husband, then she's not quite as bad. Nursery don't really have much of an issue with her although do agree she's a "pickle", and my mum has her a lot and find her much more manageable when I'm not present.

I'm hoping it's down to a strong character and frustration at not being able to talk, but I do panic it's something more than that. And it's mentally and physically draining - my marriage has little left of it too.

It's just so upsetting that 80% of the time if she's not angry then she's sad and crying.

@neveragaindonewithit Our girls sound VERY similar! Due Day baby, quick but calm pool birth. No pain relief. However, we saw an osteopath at around 6weeks put her temperament down to a 'traumatic delivery'.
Reflux, colic and cows milk protein allergy. Gaviscon, ranitidine and omeprazole from 8 weeks. Very lucky to still be under a consultant for support. She doesn't have any concerns medically, after performing full bloods test, hearing test and brain MRI. Walked at 10months so no frustration there. Very few words which causes huge frustration. Would love to have the courage to maybe try a sing and sign but almost anything at anytime can tip her over the edge. Even popping to shop for milk can be a challenge!!
Still now 20months on 80% of our day is full of frustration and tears (from us both!) it's really bloody tough. After years of trying and hoping for the dream of motherhood, I feel completely robbed of everything I ever expected. And what every other mother around me seems to have!
Would love to hear of some happily ever afters!! 🙏🏻

@CarlyJJ (sorry, I've no idea how to use this tool...) Yep, it sounds like we've been on very similar journeys, just different births. We also saw an osteopath 3x from around 3-8 weeks. I've no idea if it helped although at the time I think it did a little. You know what it's like - you just throw money at it and hope for the best.

We've not had CMPA and instead she is addicted to the stuff. That's half the problem atm as she will have a total meltdown when we don't give it to her - we're in the vicious circle stage whereby we give it to her to shut her up (sounds awful, but that's what it's come to now) but then she doesn't eat her dinner. Tonight - full on screaming session from her over this. The sooner I can get her off the bottle the better - she uses it as a bloomin' dummy which I've never given her.

I really do feel your pain about how anything is such an effort and that even doing a simple task can turn into such drama. Are you working? I put her in nursery 3x a week at 14 months as I just couldn't bear to be at home with her any longer. Sounds awful doesn't it. I'm in the process of setting up my own company and any opportunity to do that rather than look after her and I gladly do. Which sounds even worse.

As for being robbed - yep, you hit the nail on the head. I still get so bitter when I see mums enjoying the early months and years with their babies - I had none of it with my second. Was your silent reflux or sick reflux? We had the latter and needless to say the first year was spent with no sleep, constantly changing her, and non-stop screaming. I was miserable. These years and months with my eldest were the very best, but with her I just want to fast forward to when she's about 4 or 5. Which is so sad and upsetting. Sounds like your DD is your first and she was long awaited, and I do honestly and genuinely understand how tough this must be for you.

Do you have moments of good times? Are you supported by your partner and family? Without my mum, I'd have ended up in a nut-house for sure!

@neveragaindonewithit Oh I know.. I gave absolutely everything and anything a go!
Bless your little one, seems she's found milk as her comfort. Mine had silent reflux so the use of the dummy (recommended by consultant) was an absolute life saver! Though probably like milk in your household it's going to be a tough one to get rid of! To be fair some days she rarely has it and some days it's the only saviour.
Work wise, I'm too lucky enough to be self employed so I juggle work around my husbands hours. I completely get that any time away can be so refreshing and I also feel guilty for expressing that out loud!
I sometimes wonder if nursery would help take the edge off her mood being with other little people. I've been trying to find the option to private message you. If you can figure it out give me a message. Maybe we can swap emails. Be good to be able to rant to someone who gets it! 🙌🏻

@CarlyJJ Yes I think you're right re milk being a comforter. We tried a dummy too as I'd heard also that they are meant to help but she was having nothing of it. I dread to think what she'd be like now if she had of had one - like a devil possessed if trying to take it off her. I hope you don't have too much of a battle on your hands.

That's great you're self-employed and you can manage it between you both. Although I must admit that putting DD2 in nursery has definitely helped her in numerous ways. There's no denying she found it tough at the beginning, and even now she's not too keen at handover, but once I'm gone she's fine. Although she's still difficult, she's not so much clingy in the way she once was.

I'll see if I can find a way to PM you. I agree it would be good to have someone to have a rant with... :)

What does he enjoy ?

Can he walk with a push along walker or not with the ankle issue? My DS used to fly with the Vtec first steps one. I was a bit anti that type of thing, but it was fine.

I now have a very serious 3 year old. His natural default is grumpy whinge since forever. People made comments on how he never smiled much. He has got better, but is a total mummy's boy despite mummy doing it wrong and upsetting him. He is very cuddly and loving. Loves any sort of water play apart from getting in the bath for a wash. He likes practical play, fixing or being a doctor etc. Obviously he's a lot older now than your DS and I do still find it wearing sometimes, but he's got better.

I used to walk pushing DS miles in the buggy and sing nursery rhymes now he tells me to STOP mummy

Hi OP! I would also love to hear how your DS is getting on now.....? I’ve got an 18month old who is exactly as you’ve described!! X

My DD has always been what I would describe as a grumpy baby It makes me sad but it's always her who's whinging and crying.

She spends a good amount of her time with a frown and fake crying. Whinging and whining which can quickly escalate to all out screaming and sobbing.

I never really know why She’s crying. Sometimes she will smile and laugh and then it just turns into a whinge.

she seems very frustrated.

The problem is, it just seems that every little thing seems to tip her over the edge. she will literally just be sat and I'll sit and talk to her she start to moan.

If we close a door, She will cry because she wanted it open. If she sees something she wants she will cry.

I am at a loss as to what to do.

She will get up in the morning and whinge to come downstairs. Whinge in her high chair all through breakfast. Stand at the front window pointing and then cry because we are not going out.. she wants to stand on window ledges, kitchen worktops and if I tell her no she has a full blown tantrum.

I have started to make excuses for her and pretend shes teething or ill just because I feel so inadequate saying she’s always like this.' sad

she was a grumpy but she did suffer from silent reflux. She was on Omeprazole but has been weaned off now for months so don’t think it’s that. She has a dairy allergy which is under control. We avoid all dairy.

We take her out and she’s great in soft play and great for the childminder as there are other children to play with. I don’t know if she’s bored but she has so many toys and we are constantly playing with her but nothing seems to satisfy her. She ends up getting frustrated and throwing her toys and whining

I just feel all out of ideas with her I don't understand her and I just want her to be happy.

Is this normal? I keep thinking he must have something developmentally wrong with her I scare myself by googling things and have come up with all kinds of disorders. The problem is that shes not predictable so I can never tell what will make her kick off and start crying so it's not one set thing that she hates or triggers her she just seems unhappy.

Any ideas as to what's going on with him and how I can help her

I'm so scared that she will always be like this and I'll have to walk on eggshells with her forever.

My 16 month old has been in a bad mood since she was born.

16 months of tears, screaming, whinging and short periods of smiling, giggling, laughing which I absolutely love but it's wearing me down, she's the baby that screams at other peoples houses, at home all the time, in the park, I honestly don't know what to do with her.

I'm considering nursery full time. I just can't cope with the constant screaming anymore.

Just registered especially to reply to this but see it’s over 7 years old ha! In case it’s useful to anyone now - I was going to say that cranio-sacral therapy sessions can be so helpful - it may be that the child is holding dome stress in their system from birth/other events which make their nervous system much more sensitive and easily overwhelmed.

I know this was written a little while ago now, but i’m going through exactly the same thing with my second son and wondered when and if it got any better for you?

My 17 month old cries constantly and has for most of his life!
I’ve taken him to see many different heath care professionals with the same answers.
They all tell me he’s fine and he’s probably teething (i’ve also cut dairy from his diet) but i’ve now demanded his health is looked in to further as it’s really affecting my mental health!

I feel absolutely exhausted and drained constantly, i’m struggling to motivate myself with both children and i’m starting to see the affects on my eldest son too who’s 3yo.

I just don’t see it getting any easier and i’m starting to wonder whether he’s just a unhappy child and perhaps i’ve gone wrong somewhere :(