18 month old cries A LOT. I am on edge and miserable.

[Gyllenhaalic]

This might come out as one giant rant so I apoligise in advance.

My DS has always been what I would describe as a grumpy baby. I don't like labelling him but he has earned a bit of a reputation as being a cryer. It makes me sad but it's always him who's whinging and crying.

He is beautiful and can for very brief periods of the day be smiley and loving but these moments are few and far between.

He spends a good amount of his time with a frown and fake crying. Whinging and whining which can quickly escalate to all out screaming and sobbing.

I never really know why he's crying. Sometimes he will smile and laugh and then it just turns into a whinge.

He seems very frustrated. He's not yet walking and is receiving physiotherapy due to weak ankles. I think this could be adding to his frustration.

The problem is, it just seems that every little thing seems to tip him over the edge. He will literally just be sat and I'll sit and talk to him, he'll start to moan and crawl off crying.

If we close a door, he'll cry because he wanted it open. If he sees something he wants he'll cry. to be fair he has got about 30 words which he will use but he will say 'cup', before we've even had chance to pass him the cup he's crying for it.

I am at a loss as to what to do.

He will get up in the morning and whinge to come downstairs. Whinge in his high chair all through breakfast. Stand at the front window pointing and saying 'dar' (car) and then cries because we're not going in the car.

We were at a childrens party today and every person commented on how grumpy he was which just breaks my heart. I have started to make excuses for him and pretend he's teething or ill just because I feel so inadequate saying 'he's always like this.'

He was a grumpy baby who screamed and we've been back and forth to doctors and paediatrician incase of reflux. Tried him on Ranitidine and gaviscon but that didn't work. I cut out dairy from his diet for months, that didn't do anything either. Out of sheer desperation I took him to an Osteopath but again that didn't help.

We take him out and as long as the pushchair is moving he's relatively happy (well, he's not crying or moaning). I read to him but he gets annoyed and tries to snatch the book and gets frustrated with it. I play with him but he ends up getting frustrated with toys and throwing them accross the room and then whinging. How do I deal with this?

I just feel all out of ideas with him. I don't understand him and I just want him to be happy.

Is this normal? I keep thinking he must have something developmentally wrong with him. I scare myself by googling things and have come up with all kinds of sensory processing disorders/ autism/ extra chromosome diseases! The problem is that he's not predictable so I can never tell what will make him kick off and start crying so it's not one set thing that he hates or triggers him. He just seems unhappy.

Any ideas as to what's going on with him and how I can help him?

I'm so scared that he will always be like this and I'll have to walk on eggshells with him forever.

[Ozgirl75]

When my son was about 2 and super tantrummy and stroppy, I was trying to put together some toy or other and I kept getting it wrong and feeling like I wanted to fling it out of the window and it was a lightbulb moment for me where I thought “omg this must be what he feels like so much of the time” - like how annoying it would be to be pretty rubbish at everything, spilling drinks, dropping food, everything being a frustrating struggle!
Now that he’s nearly 12, he still does find it frustrating when he isn’t immediately good at things, but he has the language to express that.
He also plays tennis and so understands the concept of having to practice something for ages before you get good at it (the violin was good for this too!)
So for those mums of stroppy babies - hang in there and see the world from their eyes. They’re super pissed off that they can’t make the tower stay up, or that they’ve knocked their cup over AGAIN or that you don’t understand that the red shirt is totally unacceptable.
My son has a very clear mind of his own, I never worry about peer pressure and although he can still get frustrated, he’s a determined, hard working boy who is on the debating team (I could have predicted this), is House Captain, is on an academic decathlon team and happily shouts “by mum, love you!” in front of all his friends if he gets dropped at school.

[Lorrion152]

Thanks for coming back with an update, it’s so hopeful.

[Emma1609]

I was also notified about this thread and must have been following it in 2017/18 re my baby boy who cried all day and hated everybody and everything! It was horrendous! And unlike my first baby who was settled and normal! Fast forward he is now just turned 5 and is an absolute sweetheart and the happiest boy in the world!
I absolutely relate to the notion that he hated being a baby - thats my theory and so interesting to hear others say it too.
He is very bright and the nursery said jokingly that he could skip the first year of school and go straight to the second year, but not really joking. This doesn't surprise me as when he was a baby I said I dont think his brain is normal and he might end up being a genius, thats why he hated being a baby so much! Like Stewie from Family Guy!
He's had a couple of occasions where he has regressed back to being very grumpy, controlling and ranting about how much he hates everything, lasting a few weeks We were worried but I put it down to him going through a cognitive leap as he came out the other side with new skills etc.
To any mums of these types of babies - please hang in there because if you can be there to nurture your baby's grumpiness and moods and just be there for them, accept that they are a bit different but it wont last forever and you will come out the other side with an amazing child!

[Lorrion152]

Wow- I relate to 100% of your post, and I am hoping you’re still around to let me know how you and your child are today?

[Gyllenhaalic]

Hi! Wow I haven’t been on here for years, just got an email saying I’d been mentioned haha.

Your son sounds lovely! Very much like mine now actually. He’s 10 years old and is extremely laid back in many ways (almost to the point of laziness in fact) however he is also extremely independent. He’s a very good reader and extremely into documentaries! He sounds exactly like your son in the fact that he still has a low tolerance for frustration. He hates feeling he ‘can’t’ do something. He can get quite moody over his own limitations which can be tricky to manage. However now he’s older it’s much easier to explain to him and listen to his frustrations. I agree with you that he probably like your son just hated being a baby. His personality was not compatible with being non verbal and immobile! He does well at school due to being an avid reader and loves talking. He really is quite confident. However his handwriting is atrocious but we are working on it haha.

Nice to hear from someone who has been through the same experience as us really. At the time it felt like we were in a very long tunnel. It’s so nice to be out of it now and looking back it was all worth it!

[Ozgirl75]

I know this thread is years old and @Gyllenhaalic I would love to know how your now 9 or 10 year old is!
My son was also a super whingy baby and toddler, would get very frustrated, tantrum, grizzle, very low tolerance threshold.
I assumed he would be a grump of a child but no! He’s 11 now and he’s lovely! However, he still gets frustrated if he can’t do things, but now he says “wow this is super frustrating” instead of flinging things. He’s very academically ahead and is also extremely articulate and honestly I think he just hated being a baby and not being able to do anything. I would say by about 3 or 4 when he could accurately express what he wanted it improved hugely and the other thing that REALLY helped was talking to him like an older child and giving him the words to express himself, so Id say “oh it looks frustrating when the blocks fall down” or “I think you’re annoyed that I don’t know exactly what you want”, -and also making sure I always told him what we were doing and when (“when you’ve finished your banana we’re going to wash hands and then go to the park” “we’re going to do 10 more pushes on the swing and then get off and you can go on the slide or the climbing frame”).
He responds very well to boundaries, routines and timetables (so thrives at school!).

[Jazz4823]

Hi there,
I am currently having these same problems with my 17 month old.
How are things with you 8 months on?
😊

[Mummabearof2boys]

I am also going through this with my 18 month old. I’m absolutely exhausted, worried & feeling very down.
I dread waking up because I know it’s going to be a day of constant crying and tantrums.
Does anyone have any answers 🙏🏻 I’m petrified it’s going to be like this for years and mentally I can’t do it.
I stare at the door and daydream about running away while my Ds screams in the background.
I love my children so much but I can’t take much more.

[Mummoftwoboys]

I know this was written a little while ago now, but i’m going through exactly the same thing with my second son and wondered when and if it got any better for you?

My 17 month old cries constantly and has for most of his life!
I’ve taken him to see many different heath care professionals with the same answers.
They all tell me he’s fine and he’s probably teething (i’ve also cut dairy from his diet) but i’ve now demanded his health is looked in to further as it’s really affecting my mental health!

I feel absolutely exhausted and drained constantly, i’m struggling to motivate myself with both children and i’m starting to see the affects on my eldest son too who’s 3yo.

I just don’t see it getting any easier and i’m starting to wonder whether he’s just a unhappy child and perhaps i’ve gone wrong somewhere :(

[Jomamama]

Just registered especially to reply to this but see it’s over 7 years old ha! In case it’s useful to anyone now - I was going to say that cranio-sacral therapy sessions can be so helpful - it may be that the child is holding dome stress in their system from birth/other events which make their nervous system much more sensitive and easily overwhelmed.

[namechange30000]

My 16 month old has been in a bad mood since she was born.

16 months of tears, screaming, whinging and short periods of smiling, giggling, laughing which I absolutely love but it's wearing me down, she's the baby that screams at other peoples houses, at home all the time, in the park, I honestly don't know what to do with her.

I'm considering nursery full time. I just can't cope with the constant screaming anymore.

[nicolapritch]

My DD has always been what I would describe as a grumpy baby It makes me sad but it's always her who's whinging and crying.

She spends a good amount of her time with a frown and fake crying. Whinging and whining which can quickly escalate to all out screaming and sobbing.

I never really know why She’s crying. Sometimes she will smile and laugh and then it just turns into a whinge.

she seems very frustrated.

The problem is, it just seems that every little thing seems to tip her over the edge. she will literally just be sat and I'll sit and talk to her she start to moan.

If we close a door, She will cry because she wanted it open. If she sees something she wants she will cry.

I am at a loss as to what to do.

She will get up in the morning and whinge to come downstairs. Whinge in her high chair all through breakfast. Stand at the front window pointing and then cry because we are not going out.. she wants to stand on window ledges, kitchen worktops and if I tell her no she has a full blown tantrum.

I have started to make excuses for her and pretend shes teething or ill just because I feel so inadequate saying she’s always like this.' sad

she was a grumpy but she did suffer from silent reflux. She was on Omeprazole but has been weaned off now for months so don’t think it’s that. She has a dairy allergy which is under control. We avoid all dairy.

We take her out and she’s great in soft play and great for the childminder as there are other children to play with. I don’t know if she’s bored but she has so many toys and we are constantly playing with her but nothing seems to satisfy her. She ends up getting frustrated and throwing her toys and whining

I just feel all out of ideas with her I don't understand her and I just want her to be happy.

Is this normal? I keep thinking he must have something developmentally wrong with her I scare myself by googling things and have come up with all kinds of disorders. The problem is that shes not predictable so I can never tell what will make her kick off and start crying so it's not one set thing that she hates or triggers her she just seems unhappy.

Any ideas as to what's going on with him and how I can help her

I'm so scared that she will always be like this and I'll have to walk on eggshells with her forever.

[LJC88]

Hi OP! I would also love to hear how your DS is getting on now.....? I’ve got an 18month old who is exactly as you’ve described!! X

[dumdumdeedum]

What does he enjoy ?

Can he walk with a push along walker or not with the ankle issue? My DS used to fly with the Vtec first steps one. I was a bit anti that type of thing, but it was fine.

I now have a very serious 3 year old. His natural default is grumpy whinge since forever. People made comments on how he never smiled much. He has got better, but is a total mummy's boy despite mummy doing it wrong and upsetting him. He is very cuddly and loving. Loves any sort of water play apart from getting in the bath for a wash. He likes practical play, fixing or being a doctor etc. Obviously he's a lot older now than your DS and I do still find it wearing sometimes, but he's got better.

I used to walk pushing DS miles in the buggy and sing nursery rhymes now he tells me to STOP mummy

[neveragaindonewithit]

@CarlyJJ Yes I think you're right re milk being a comforter. We tried a dummy too as I'd heard also that they are meant to help but she was having nothing of it. I dread to think what she'd be like now if she had of had one - like a devil possessed if trying to take it off her. I hope you don't have too much of a battle on your hands.

That's great you're self-employed and you can manage it between you both. Although I must admit that putting DD2 in nursery has definitely helped her in numerous ways. There's no denying she found it tough at the beginning, and even now she's not too keen at handover, but once I'm gone she's fine. Although she's still difficult, she's not so much clingy in the way she once was.

I'll see if I can find a way to PM you. I agree it would be good to have someone to have a rant with... :)

[CarlyJJ]

@neveragaindonewithit Oh I know.. I gave absolutely everything and anything a go!
Bless your little one, seems she's found milk as her comfort. Mine had silent reflux so the use of the dummy (recommended by consultant) was an absolute life saver! Though probably like milk in your household it's going to be a tough one to get rid of! To be fair some days she rarely has it and some days it's the only saviour.
Work wise, I'm too lucky enough to be self employed so I juggle work around my husbands hours. I completely get that any time away can be so refreshing and I also feel guilty for expressing that out loud!
I sometimes wonder if nursery would help take the edge off her mood being with other little people. I've been trying to find the option to private message you. If you can figure it out give me a message. Maybe we can swap emails. Be good to be able to rant to someone who gets it! 🙌🏻

[neveragaindonewithit]

@CarlyJJ (sorry, I've no idea how to use this tool...) Yep, it sounds like we've been on very similar journeys, just different births. We also saw an osteopath 3x from around 3-8 weeks. I've no idea if it helped although at the time I think it did a little. You know what it's like - you just throw money at it and hope for the best.

We've not had CMPA and instead she is addicted to the stuff. That's half the problem atm as she will have a total meltdown when we don't give it to her - we're in the vicious circle stage whereby we give it to her to shut her up (sounds awful, but that's what it's come to now) but then she doesn't eat her dinner. Tonight - full on screaming session from her over this. The sooner I can get her off the bottle the better - she uses it as a bloomin' dummy which I've never given her.

I really do feel your pain about how anything is such an effort and that even doing a simple task can turn into such drama. Are you working? I put her in nursery 3x a week at 14 months as I just couldn't bear to be at home with her any longer. Sounds awful doesn't it. I'm in the process of setting up my own company and any opportunity to do that rather than look after her and I gladly do. Which sounds even worse.

As for being robbed - yep, you hit the nail on the head. I still get so bitter when I see mums enjoying the early months and years with their babies - I had none of it with my second. Was your silent reflux or sick reflux? We had the latter and needless to say the first year was spent with no sleep, constantly changing her, and non-stop screaming. I was miserable. These years and months with my eldest were the very best, but with her I just want to fast forward to when she's about 4 or 5. Which is so sad and upsetting. Sounds like your DD is your first and she was long awaited, and I do honestly and genuinely understand how tough this must be for you.

Do you have moments of good times? Are you supported by your partner and family? Without my mum, I'd have ended up in a nut-house for sure!

[CarlyJJ]

@neveragaindonewithit Our girls sound VERY similar! Due Day baby, quick but calm pool birth. No pain relief. However, we saw an osteopath at around 6weeks put her temperament down to a 'traumatic delivery'.
Reflux, colic and cows milk protein allergy. Gaviscon, ranitidine and omeprazole from 8 weeks. Very lucky to still be under a consultant for support. She doesn't have any concerns medically, after performing full bloods test, hearing test and brain MRI. Walked at 10months so no frustration there. Very few words which causes huge frustration. Would love to have the courage to maybe try a sing and sign but almost anything at anytime can tip her over the edge. Even popping to shop for milk can be a challenge!!
Still now 20months on 80% of our day is full of frustration and tears (from us both!) it's really bloody tough. After years of trying and hoping for the dream of motherhood, I feel completely robbed of everything I ever expected. And what every other mother around me seems to have!
Would love to hear of some happily ever afters!! 🙏🏻

[neveragaindonewithit]

Well - it seems this May BH weekend has brought a few of us out.

I am desperate to know how this ended up. Pretty much all of this is my second daughter - the exception being that she is walking. She also knows a reasonable amount of words, but more nouns as opposed to being able to communicate what she wants.

CarlyJJ and Surreygirl1987 - what's the gist of it with your babies?

My daughter will be 18 months at the end of May. She came into this world screaming uncontrollably (elective at 39+2) and largely hasn't stopped.

She had severe reflux as a baby (on both Ranitidine and Omeprazole) and it didn't go until she was past a year. So understandably she has no tolerance. Lots of people have told me reflux/colic babies are particularly hard and challenging growing up.

We have moments of her being a gorgeous and happy little girl and if you were to see her then only you'd think nothing is the matter. So much so that when she's like that I think it's all in my head. But it definitely isn't.

Everything is a struggle and whatever I do to try and appease her ends up being more hassle than it was worth.

I have a 4.5 year old daughter who is a little angel. She pushed the boundaries at times as a little one and we were strict, and we've not had any issues with her. I used to be pretty smug about it, so no doubt the behaviour of my second girl is karma...

She's a challenge for all although if I'm not around esp., and largely also my husband, then she's not quite as bad. Nursery don't really have much of an issue with her although do agree she's a "pickle", and my mum has her a lot and find her much more manageable when I'm not present.

I'm hoping it's down to a strong character and frustration at not being able to talk, but I do panic it's something more than that. And it's mentally and physically draining - my marriage has little left of it too.

It's just so upsetting that 80% of the time if she's not angry then she's sad and crying.

[surreygirl1987]

I would also love to know outcomes as i have a 7 month old who sounds like a young version of these babies!

[CarlyJJ]

This is us... 20months in since day dot!!
My goodness it’s tough 😢
Would love to know how everyone who has commented (including original lady who posted) or/and in same boat is getting on now? Would love to hear of some light at the end of the tunnel!
Thank you 😊

[Emma1609]

This also describes my 1 year old - I recently googled 'high needs baby' and fits this description to a tee. It has transformed the way I think about his behaviour and made me much more understanding and accepting. I am now looking forward to watching his character develop as according to the high needs description he will not be a wallflower when he is older! Apparently 10% of babies are like this - I know of another two. I would highly recommend reading about it.

[kakristo]

I know this thread is 5 years old but it describes my 18 month old quite accurately. I'm wondering how your son's behavior/disposition is now?

[Imapudding]

My DD was terrible at that age. from about 8 months until almost 2 she would just moan / cry and kick off about everything. She’s now almost 3 and is much much better. She still can be a bit of a drama lama but generally she’s a happy girl and loads easier.

DS (15 months) is better, he’s always been easier but he does a lot of moaning and crying at the moment.

I don’t think it means they will be a miserable child / adult just a phase! But I feel your pain, it’s very difficult!

[Emski82]

Any updates from any of you lovely ladies now your little ones are a bit older? A lot of this reminds me of my 18 month old and it would be good to know whether I can expect a light at the end of the toddler tunnel!