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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How to deal with a 2.6 year old ripping books?

17 replies

catchafox · 27/07/2013 19:19

It was occasional but this week he's done it 3 times. He can access books from a shelf and he loves to read.

Do we tell him its wrong, tape up the books, but be gentle about it? Accept it's a common phrase? Or do we do naughty step and be tougher about it? Take away the shelf of books?

We are a book loving family and don't want to ruin this for him.

TIA

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ConstantCraving · 27/07/2013 21:06

My DD went through a phase of doing this at about the same age. She wasn't being naughty so we didn't punish her - she just liked the feeling of tearing paper I think. She only did it when she was in her room alone so I took the 'good' books out at nap and bedtime, just leaving the ones with cardboard pages and also gave her a pile of old magazines that she could rip up instead. We spent alot of time explaining that books are precious and that we never rip them up and making sure she wasn't left alone around the books in the sitting room and she got it eventually.

FromageFrog · 27/07/2013 21:08

Naughty step is working here.

Sirzy · 27/07/2013 21:09

I would put the paper books where they can't be reached and just bring them out for storytime together but leave some board books where he can get to them so he can still look at books

TheFallenNinja · 27/07/2013 21:11

Get some rubbish cheap books and make them available, when ripped make a big hoopla about them being ruined and make ds take them to the bin.

YoniBottsBumgina · 27/07/2013 21:13

It's just a phase. Removing books with paper pages worked for us. We still read them under supervision but if he was being too rough put them away again.DS is in a major cutting phase now at 4 but has never attempted to cut a book, only paper/newspaper/old magazines etc. He asks first if something is ok to cut or tear.

maja00 · 27/07/2013 21:15

I'd remove paper books and give old magazines to rip in the first instance. If it happened again with books I'd be furious though.

YoniBottsBumgina · 27/07/2013 21:16

Should add: I can't remember when we put the paper books back in his room but he's had them in there for ages now. I think I might have gradually noticed he was getting better and put them back in, or it might have just been one time we had a big tidy up and I decided they should go in there.

valiumredhead · 27/07/2013 21:17

I'd move the books to a high shelf.

MiaSparrow · 28/07/2013 11:04

DD's been on her thinking step quite a few times for this bahaviour, and now I think about it we haven't had a book ripping incident for weeks - maybe she's got the message.

exoticfruits · 28/07/2013 11:13

I just took them off them and said, firmly, 'No, we don't tear books'. It didn't take long to understand.

Original poster

catchafox · 28/07/2013 13:55

DH and I are in disagreement slightly: I agree I don't think he's being 'naughty', I just think he knows it's not good. But DH, who is brilliant with him and difficult moments, I hasten to add, thinks naughty step, a loud shouty voice and disengaging for a few moments (DS loves attention/playing) works.

I think we should take all books away except board books and only read the paper ones with him. DH thinks this is just managing the situation, not tackling it.

We do the whole, 'books are important' etc. He looks at DH as he tears, so he knows exactly what he's doing.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 28/07/2013 14:01

It is a situation which does just need managing though. As he grows older he will learn to look after the books which means he can have them back.

DS went through a book ripping phase at 2 so was only allowed acess to board books without me sat with him. He is 3.7 now and will happily sit and look at any book without deliberatly damaging it so all books are back now!

FromageFrog · 28/07/2013 14:09

If I keep the books on the high shelf, it means 5yo dd1 cannot reach them and that's not fair on her.

So dd2 has to learn. She is 2.8yo so old enough to understand that somethings are not allowed, and ripping books is one of them. She goes on the naughty step for 2 mins and has learnt pretty quickly not to do it.

I don't do shouty. I explain in one sentence what she has done wrong, she goes into a time out, when she has finished I explain that books are to be looked after. Then ask for an apology.

I wouldn't be encouraging ripping old books/catalouges because I think she would get confused as to why she is allowed to rip some things but not others. A complete blanket ban and instant timeout with explanation is the best solution IMHO.

YoniBottsBumgina · 28/07/2013 18:08

I don't think it makes a difference. They grow out of it so managing it is fine. Equally tackling it head on works, but it's not necessary. Depends which approach you prefer ideologically I suppose.

YoniBottsBumgina · 28/07/2013 18:19

BTW a small child looking at you as they misbehave does not mean they now what they are doing. You don't know what's going on in their head - they might be looking at you because they're really excited by their discovery and want to share it with you, or because they are hoping you will be pleased. Or they just really like looking at you because you are mum/dad and therefore awesome. Or they might be thinking "i wonder if I can get them to make that funny sound again" or "I got told off for ripping the other book. I wonder if this one is okay?" And of course it's possible tthey are thinking "haha, you told me not to do this and now I'm doing it again!" But I think with a very young one it's unlikely.

MiaowTheCat · 28/07/2013 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Apileofballyhoo · 28/07/2013 19:12

DS has been having trouble with his pencil grip and tearing paper is recommended as a finger strengthening exercise - I would try and establish old paper that is ok to rip versus things we want to keep. (While keeping them out of reach.)

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