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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

dd won't stop touching my things little cow

75 replies

overdraft · 08/06/2006 18:31

DD is 4 and keeps touching my things.My mobile phone she keeps pinching.Yeaterday and tonight she has sneaked into our bedroom and spread lotion eye shadow and talc into the carpet.She really got a telling of yesterday and has gone and done the same bloody thing agin but worse.
If I am putting make up on e.c.t I let her joinso why is she doing this?She got a bollocking tonight I have had to put her in the bath while I tidy up.The little moo then while in the bath has tipped all the bubble bath,shower gel and shampoo in the bath.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

jampots · 08/06/2006 18:33

i think you're giving her mixed messages. On one hand you let her use your stuff, she in turn then thinks she can and when she does she gets bollocked. Hvae you actually explained that these are mummys things and she cant touch then unless mummy and dd are putting on make up together?

Moving on to the bath incident, I think 4 is quite young to be left in the bath on her own - it stands to reason she's going to play up a bit because she's bored

Sorry but thats how i see it

Original poster

overdraft · 08/06/2006 18:41

Oh bath room next to bedroom with plenty of toys.
Yes have explained that she is not to touch things when i am not there and she is not allowed in the bedroom.Only thing i can think of is she is doing it for even more attention.I was doing my sons home work with him at the time.She is youngest chil and gets lots of attention though

OP posts:

Twiglett · 08/06/2006 18:43

agree its mixed messages .. she's only 4

I cannot stand little girls being called cows .. DH does this with DD all the time 'silly cow' and she's only 2

Greensleeves · 08/06/2006 18:47

?!?!?!??

Sorry but you come across as having an unusually vitriolic attitude towards your little girl.

You should not be leaving her unattended in the bath - she is 4. 4!!!!!!!! If she has access to your things, then it serves you right if she makes a mess. Think yourself bloody lucky she hasn't drunk something toxic and done herself some real damage.

I have a 3.7yo who loves gooey, messy, sensual things (like playdo, shampoo etc) - all kids do. It's not a personality disorder.

It makes me very sad to see a little girl of four being referred to as a "little cow".

I think if you get your act together, supervise your child properly and put your stuff where she can't reach it, then she won't be able to get herself into trouble.

TheHonArfy · 08/06/2006 18:50

I agree wholeheartedly with Greensleeves - what a horrible way to describe your daughter.

GDG · 08/06/2006 18:55

Oooh, 'little cow'? That's horrible. My SIL has said that about her dd and it makes me feel sick - what a horrible way to talk about your child.

Original poster

overdraft · 08/06/2006 18:55

yes it is and I was angry.I came on here for some ideas on how to tackle this.I am not a bad mother and wanted support not a slagging off.I can't belive it for using the wrong words.I LOVE my daughter and am having a bad day.I do have bad days and I can't belive that you all don't reach breaking point.Hown dare you all judge me.
I am stunned by your responses.I would like some constructive replies please.

OP posts:

tigermoth · 08/06/2006 18:59

Put your stuff where she can't reach it. That's the easiest solution, I think. I think your problem has a practical solution.

Also, you need to keep the bathwater free of too many chemicals from different lotions and potions in case her skin reacts badly.

She may be going through a phase where she is compeled to mix things up, experiment and cook. 4 years old IME is a great age for this type of pretend, messsy play. And I can see how annoying it is to you, as there is some attention-seeking probably thrown in.

Make sure she has lots of stimulation - take her out to the park lots while this weather lasts, get her making mud pies, let her mix stuff together in a bowl in your kitchen - accept that it will be messy but at least you can control it.

I don't think 4 is that young to be left alone in a bath, as long as you are very nearby, but make sure the bathroom is dd proof for your sanity and her safety.

compo · 08/06/2006 19:01

Could you buy her some pretend makeup of her own maybe?

Gillian76 · 08/06/2006 19:01

Agree with tigermoth. Put it out of her way and don't let her use it if you're not happy with her taking it on her own.

And don't call her a cow. :(

FrannyandZooey · 08/06/2006 19:01

You came to the wrong place if you didn't want to be judged along with the advice I'm afraid - we are not social workers.

My advice would be to give her some of the 'real' things that she is enjoying playing with, such as some little tester sized bottles of shampoo, etc. Make a big fuss of these being "her" special things that you will not touch.

Also agree she needs more supervision if this sort of thing is a problem for you. She is a child - she learns by being curious and exploring.

moondog · 08/06/2006 19:02

What a vile aggressive way to talk about your child.

I'll give you some constructive advice.
Grow up.
She's the child,not you.

Original poster

overdraft · 08/06/2006 19:05

thank you Tigermoth for your advise.I have got two other children and they are boys.They never done this sort of thing so this is new to me.I find having my little girl is so different and she is so much more into everything.It was the first time she done that sort of thing last night and I can't belive she done it again tonight.I think I will have to keep a lock on the bedroom door

Of course I don't leave bleach and stuff around for her to play with.

I was in tears and so angry when I started this thread.

OP posts:

LadyCodofCOdford · 08/06/2006 19:06

twig you dh calls your dd a silly cow?

FrannyandZooey · 08/06/2006 19:06

I know I have put my two pennorth in but let's not all pile in again chaps. It's been said now, very eloquently I think, shall we find another thread to play on now?

Twiglett · 08/06/2006 19:07

yes when he's cross .. or at the end of his tether .. and it drives me INSANE

LadyCodofCOdford · 08/06/2006 19:08

oh dear
:(

TheHonArfy · 08/06/2006 19:09

OK, constructive advice
Put stuff where she can't get it. She is not stealing, she's interested. She shouldn't easily be able to get at makeup etc as it's all potentially toxic.
Don't come on a public site and describe a 4 year old as a 'little cow' (I opened this expecting to read about an older child, which would have been bad enough, but 4!) and expect us to all go 'oh yes, she's angry, fair comment'. If you can't see that your words are going to make people get angry, I'm astonished, and there's no real point turning on the people who objected as it won't help you get 'constructive' replies.

TheHonArfy · 08/06/2006 19:10

I'm sure some other people will have constructive advice on how to encourage her not to play with unsuitable things.

tigermoth · 08/06/2006 19:11

Please lay off this poster. Calling a child a little cow is not the crime of the century. Better to let off steam on mumsnet than in front of children. You have no idea what overdraft actually said to her dd.

LucyJones · 08/06/2006 19:12

agree wholeheartedly with tigermoth

TheHonArfy · 08/06/2006 19:19

OK whatever
Obviously I'm in the wrong here in letting off my own steam about seemingly offensive comments about 4 year olds in thread titles. I'll bear that in mind in the future.
And the point about not having any idea what actually happened could be applied to all posts.

Anyhow, agree that overdraft needs some help with the situation. I suggest a new thread with a less controversial title and then she'll probably get some constructive help. It isn't going to happen now on here, and sorry, but it's completely obvious why

gigglinggoblin · 08/06/2006 19:25

ds2 went through a stage of sneaking downstairs to get his own breakfast. i would get up to be faced with 12 (yes, 12!!) empty fromage frais pots and the packet of coco pops emptied all over the floor as he couldnt reach the dishes. thank god he didnt like milk on them! he got told off the 1st time, the second time i told him he wasnt getting them again until i could trust him. the ff were hidden so he couldnt reach them and i didnt buy coco pops for ages (i hoovered the ones he tipped out, decided against putting them back in the box). i think that approach really drums it into them as it isnt over and done with immediately. actually we had a really bad time last weekend with them being really cheeky so they lost tv for a week. the message is now getting through to them and just the threat of another week is enough to get an apology! we re nearly at the end of the week and it has only just started sinking in.

sorry, just realised how long that was - the point i was trying to make was that if you dont let her use them fr a while because she has been naughty it might get the message through, she is old enough to understand. and you do have to hide stuff even at this age, you expect it to stop when they get beyond toddlerdom but there is a way to go yet!

Piffle · 08/06/2006 19:29

I had to put my makeup where dd (3.5) cannot reach it, I give her a little squirt of hand cream etc if she asks nicely.
Unattended in the bath long enough to do that hmmmm without wanting to condemn you, thats not a great way to deal with bathtime tbh...
Your post sounds really angry
Are you having other problems too with dealing with your dd, in isolation it seems a lot get that angry about?

stoppinattwo · 08/06/2006 19:30

Overdraft, I think its a 4 yr old girl thing . I had a boy first and it was a real shock when she came along and was sooooooo girly. Let her have her own bits of make up, give her one of your old make up bags and brushes. She will absolutely love it My DD spends a lot of time looking like marilyn manson or alice cooper i cant decide And always remember happy mess is good mess, Enjoy the times when she's having fun, they will give you good memories to laugh about when she's older

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