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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

dd won't stop touching my things little cow

75 replies

overdraft · 08/06/2006 18:31

DD is 4 and keeps touching my things.My mobile phone she keeps pinching.Yeaterday and tonight she has sneaked into our bedroom and spread lotion eye shadow and talc into the carpet.She really got a telling of yesterday and has gone and done the same bloody thing agin but worse.
If I am putting make up on e.c.t I let her joinso why is she doing this?She got a bollocking tonight I have had to put her in the bath while I tidy up.The little moo then while in the bath has tipped all the bubble bath,shower gel and shampoo in the bath.

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Original poster

overdraft · 08/06/2006 19:36

Hi I didn't say anything to her as I was so angry at the time and came on here to maybe get some sort of advise on what to say.She has just come down and said she is very sorry.I didn't lock the bedroom because I thought I could trust her.She is a good little girl and I don't want to think she can't be trusted.I have always taught the boys what they can and can't touch.
I show them how to use videos , d.v.ds e.ct from an early age because I belive that that they won't go behind my back and break them with out knowing what to do ( if that makes sense).
She has her own pretend make up, a barbie head in her bedroom.I thought she would be the same.
All of my friends call their dds little moos or cows ( not to their faces of course)I really don't belive their are other mumsnetters out there who don't do it.
I have also learnt the lesson that this is the web and people don't know me or what I am like as a person and by using the wrong choice of word it would offend people.Sorry for that.When you come on a site like this with so many wonderful people you feel you are amonst friends and can chat freely.Thanks for the constructive comments.

OP posts:

eemie · 08/06/2006 19:37

It's a 7-year old girl thing too. And I like sharing things with my dd, but do get disproportionately annoyed when she's forever getting into my stuff without asking.

I do make a clear distinction between what I share and what I don't (took me a while to learn how to do that though ) but she still needs a lot of reminding.

It irritates me more when I'm generally at a low ebb though.

misdee · 08/06/2006 19:38

is calling your child a little monkey ok? (i often call 'come on monkeys' to my kids so am wondering)

WigWamBam · 08/06/2006 19:40

Well, here's one MNer who has never called her dd a little cow, to her face or otherwise. But that's by the by.

It's not a case that she can't be trusted; it's a case of a small child not knowing where the boundaries are. Most of the things that have made you so angry are not your dd's fault - if things that she is sometimes allowed to use are left where she can reach them, and she is left unsupervised, then surely it's no surprise that she plays with them. I agree about the mixed messages - how is she supposed to know that she shouldn't touch these things if sometimes she's allowed to join in with putting make-up on and so on? I suggest that if you want her to keep her hands off your things you are consistent - if it's wrong for her to touch your make-up then she must never be allowed to touch your make-up. If it's wrong for her to play with your mobile then she can't sometimes be allowed to play with it - if you are consistent with the rules then she has a chance of understanding those rules.

Give her toy make-up or a toy mobile, or give her some old ones of yours, but don't let her play with yours while you're there if at any other time she's going to get a bollocking (your words) for it.

SenoraPostrophe · 08/06/2006 19:41

monkey doesn't have the same slightly nasty edge, misdee. in fact all animals except pig and cow are ok. ds is a monkey. dd is a chick.

Piffle · 08/06/2006 19:44

Overdraft is not coping, thats fairly obvious, by condemning her she most likely eil not come back for further help which she might well want/need.
I say you cheeky moo cow, you cheeky monkey to my dd...

Original poster

overdraft · 08/06/2006 19:48

Wigwambam yes I suppose the mixed message thing keeps coming up this is true.I think I will just lock the door.I cook with her too and I don't expect her to get the flour and eggs out while I am not looking either.
I think she wants to be like mummy too. She is very with it for her age and so good.I have told her not to touch my things when i am not there and I thought she wouldn't . The boys didn't.

OP posts:

QE · 08/06/2006 19:49

I understand completely where you are coming from on the touching everything front. ds4 is like this (my others were not this bad I am sure of it), touching, grabbing, throwing anything and everything he can get his hands off. It's bloody hard work keeping him occupied. But then, that is what they do at that age and it's down to us to either keep things out of the way or supervise more closely. If your dd is as bad as my ds4 then I wouldn't dream of leaving him unattended for a second.

Don't get where you are coming from on calling your dd a little cow. It sounds horrible and common. Even when I am really cross I wouldn't dare use such an insult about any of my kids. tbh I would give anyone who used this kind of language about their kids a very wide berth.

Original poster

overdraft · 08/06/2006 19:52

I have a lot going on right now Piffle yes.I have two dyslexic children and doing their homework is really hard. she dose have to take a back seat when this happens and these are her times when she craves my attention.It feels like everybody is on my back at the moment.I feel even worse now.Just feel like I am being attacked all over the place at the moment

OP posts:

SenoraPostrophe · 08/06/2006 19:55

sorry overdraft - my post was more flippant than condemning.

I agree that locking the door is the answer. and be proud of her: she sounds very creative and just wants to be like mummy.

Piffle · 08/06/2006 19:55

Overdraft I think I knwo where you are coming from :)
You're just venting I know. Life offers up some pretty shit hands at times and one can only deal with so many frustrations at a time.

It is hard when you have other kids who "need" more hands on time for stuff, the other one will do outrageous things to gain attention.

WigWamBam · 08/06/2006 19:56

If she's attention seeking because of the time you have to spend with her brothers then that's a different kettle of fish altogether - maybe she's found something that will guarantee attention from you, and negative attention is better than no attention at all.

Do you get the chance to spend one-to-one time with her in the same way as you do with her brothers?

Original poster

overdraft · 08/06/2006 20:00

She goes to a pre school in the morning and get the afternoons with me. Because of the age difference between her and her brothers sometimes I feel like she is an only child who has to share mummy and she dislikes it.Her brothers are at full time school

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 08/06/2006 20:02

Perhaps she needs five minutes one-to-one with you when your sons are there after school? I know time's precious and not easy to find but if it really is a problem with sharing you then perhaps a few minutes time on her own with you when your other children are there might help. Maybe it would stop her feeling that her nose has been pushed out of joint quite so much.

Ulysees · 08/06/2006 20:09

overdraft your 7:36:34 post was excellent

I will admit to being a bit shocked at the title thread but tbh people are all different. I have a friend who lives on an estate (not knocking council estates as I came from one) and the parents quite openly call the kids f-ing little c.../b..... in fact anything. I was mortified when I first went up there Overdraft you'd be very posh Your little girl sounds very lucky to have a mum who takes time to play and cook with her.

I for one will admit to saying a few awful things in front of dss Thankfully it isn't very often and I try to apologise immediately. Stress and pmt are usually to blame but they're no excuse.

utterlyconfused · 08/06/2006 20:16

I also have a four-year-old, who is also my third child. He is also a nightmare at at that after school time. He has had me to himself all afternoon, but he will not let me spend time with the other two doing homework. I put the telly on for him but he just wants to be involved (which means attacking, defacing, oh anything to get the maximum attention). I don't have an answer, overdraft, but you are not alone...

stoppinattwo · 08/06/2006 20:17

Ditto Ulysees.

morningpaper · 08/06/2006 20:24

gosh all working class gals refer to their tiddlers as little cows

you lot have obviously never shopped in Asda

calm down

nothercules · 08/06/2006 20:26

that's why I dont shop in Asdas!

morningpaper · 08/06/2006 20:28

yes it IS a bit scary

but so CHEAP

Ulysees · 08/06/2006 20:47

Get yourself to netto if you think Asda's bad Was once in there a few years back and a baby in the trolley was being called a cheeky little f.... but oh so affectionately

I love our Asda, mostly because I'm car-less and it's a stone's throw from me

Caligula · 08/06/2006 21:00

Oh for goodness sake little cow is a figure of speech, and I don't see why it's worse than little monkey. I hate kids being called monkeys, it makes me shudder. One of my best friends always calls my children monkeys and I have to fix a glassy smile to my face to make sure I don't scream.

I agree it's a 4 year old girl thing, my one does it as well and it drives me bonkers. All this advice about keeping things out of reach is utterly impractical because it can't be done (particularly if you are as short as I am and don't have many shelves) you just have to try and supervise her closely enough that if there is a silence for longer than about 3 minutes, you're there before she does any damage. I also have a drawer with a key where I now keep my make up, and my jewellery box also has a key. This can be inconvenient when i want a necklace and can't remember where I put the key, but hey ho, swings and roundabouts... Oh and the other thing is to keep toys in various drawers, so that when she opens them, she will find a toy which will keep her occupied until the time you realise she's gone quiet again.

manitz · 08/06/2006 21:24

Perhaps you could sit her next to her brothers and give her some 'homework' or playdough or drawing and praise her work as well so that she's involved.

re cow thing, thought the title was a bit aggressive as i find cow implies to me someone who is deliberately malicious (usually an adult) but I've also used it/thought it and wouldn't have commented if it hadn't been mentioned, thought your 7.30 post summed it up and was well put.

don't thinkit's impossible to put things out of her way, doesn't have to be everything. I get my glasses on higher ground otherwise they are relieved of their. vaseline and wipes are also prime targets but my phone when locked is fairly robust and i can cope with reprogrammed electrical items.

wannaBe1974 · 09/06/2006 22:17

when I was 4 I once took all the eggs out of the cupboard and smashed them on the floor because I wanted to know what they felt like inside. Well that's how my mum tells the story anyway lol. Kids love to mix things, and often the messier the better. Things like make-up are especially attractive as they come in different colours. agree with the poster who suggested giving her something to do at the same time your others are doing their homework. If they're left unsupervised they will look for things to do. My ds tipped an entire tube of glitter over my lounge carpet when I left him unsupervised for about 5 minutes. Suffice to say glitter has now been banned from my house - I was hoovering it out of the carpet, the lounge suite, seemingly off the walls, the ceiling the curtains .... for months! bloody stuff gets everywhere!

mogwai · 09/06/2006 23:05

I used to have a patient who was a five year old boy. He was a lovely little thing and I always called him a little monkey. His mum bought me a monkey when I left the job.

Don't see the problem with it??

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