3yr old DD doesnt enjoy being with other children!

[Mandymoo]

I have written on this subject many times in the past in the vain heop that it was just a phase she was going through but dd is now coming up for 3 and a half and shows no sign of changing.

Basically, she is a good girl who (normally) does as she is told. SHe is not boisterous, she can entertain herself for ages and has excellent imagination with her games etc.

MY problem (not hers) is that she doesnt seem to enjoy playing or being with other children to the point where if a friend comes to our house to play, dd just sits there and says that she wants them to go home

If she does decide to play for a short period, its only a matter of time before DD gets the grump because her friend wont do what she's told/give her toy back/share etc etc and the whole thing dissolves into a hysterical cry fest!

Is it a problem for my dd if she doesnt interact with other children or should i just get off her case and allow her to do what she wants? (think i answered my own question there.....)

Im just worried that she's going to end up friendless in the future because of how she is with other children now. I dread her mixing with other children now as i know how it will end up. Its easier to stay at home and let her be happy playing on her own but i know thats not practical (and i for one need to get out the house every now and then!)

Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated X

Hello
my DS - 3.5 - is a little like this, really happy playing with us or by himself, always inventing new games and so on. He doesn't show a great deal interest in other children and never says he wants to play with so and so.

I have worried about him like you are about your DD, he is also an only child (and very likely to stay that way).

I have come to the conclusion that I should just let him get on with how he is and not push him into anything cos he is so young still.

We do arrange to see friends sometimes and he is at childminders/pre school 3 days a week so he does mix there - may not like it all the time though. Does your DD go to pre school? She will see other children there - thats probably wnough for her for now.

It is hard not to worry but if you can relax about it, that would be better for you I think. I would love DS to have a 'best friend' but he's not ready for that yet. Your DD doesn't seem to be either but in 18 months or 1 year or 2 years she may well be, as my DS may be.

My mum often tells me not to worry about it and says in the past, children tended to just be at home till they were 5 and didnt have friends at young ages like they are expected to have these days

Thanks for your reply - DD has attended the local nursery for 2 years one day a week and has been at pre school for 6 months (4 sessions a week) where the staff say she is a bit of a loner. I suppose i just dont like the idea of her not being popular which, as i said before, is my problem and i shouldnt put it onto her.

Its just hard when my friends invite us over or arrange to come to us with their children and then DD tells them to go home (which doesnt happen on every occasion tbh)

Yes, it is hard when we'd like our children to be a particular way. DS sometimes asks when people are going home when we have visitors. DS is really happy. Thats the main thing isn't it.

any more tips?

Hi Mandymoo,
No experience really, but a friend's ds is going through a similar thing. He's also at nursery, but is much happier with grown ups than other children (he's not an only child, btw). In some ways it sounds similar to your dd, in that there's no major problem, but he just isn't very comfortable socializing with kids yet.

I think if it was me, I'd try and aim for a blend of trusting her to find her own way with making friends, AND trying a few other tactics to help her along. eg. going on an outing somewhere with another child (I find my own dd, who is 2.5, is at her best with other kids outdoors where toy/sharing issues don't crop up so much). A picnic, maybe? Or how about doing some 'organized' stuff with her and another child at home - songs, dance-y things, cooking? Maybe a bit of adult involvement and structure would make her feel safer, sort of guide the interractions a little?
I've done that when dd has had friends over she doesn't know very well, and it seems to oil the wheels....
Just brainstorming here, sorry nothing very specific to suggest...

Mandymoo, dd was similar when she was just about 3, would 'put up' with friends visiting for a certain time but then would want them to leave because a) they were playing with her toys or b) not doing as she told them to.

She started nursery when she was just 3 and for the first few months I think she focused just on a couple of kids as she couldn't cope with bigger groups. Probably doesn't help that she's very petite.

Now she's 4.5 and a social animal! Though in bigger groups, like birthday parties she goes very shy (unless they're held at somebodies house) and I have to stay with her all the time.

Is the staff at pre-school concerned? Are they trying anything to help her mingle? Maybe she's just a bit shy? Nothing wrong with that though :) She'll find her own way in time. Not every toddler/child can be boistrous and outgoing... can you imagine the playgroups/schools if they were??? Nightmare

DS did not make friends at playgroup, he is now 5 and has friends at school. I think I read that when they are younger they play parallel to other children rather than specifically with them. Cant remember exactly what it said, I think it was on a "now your child is 3." leaflet from the health centre.