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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How independent is your 4 year old?

16 replies

Mo2 · 04/02/2004 11:18

DS1 was 4 in Dec and I've begun to notice that he's beginning to want to be much more independent about certain things:

wanting to dress himself (sometimes!)
pour himself drinks
pour out cereal/ milk
butter/cut toast

I know his Pre-School encourages all this, so I want to be supportive (despite obvious occasional mess/ time taken etc)

Just wondered how much people have encouraged their Pre-schoolers to do, and also what else I might (usefully!) be able to get him to do??

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Enid · 04/02/2004 11:27

Dd1 is a very independent little soul (also 4 in Dec). She pours out her own drinks, stirs cocoa into hot milk, puts her clothes away in her drawers, puts her shoes, coat and pyjamas on herself (usually not at the same time!), helps me with dd2, gets undressed and into the bath herself, pours out her cereal, daddys cereal and dd2's cereal, sets the table and helps me tidy. She genuinely enjoys doing all this and I believe it has made her very much more confident. I think its worth taking the time to let them do it if they want to - things do take longer/are messier at first but she is actually quite helpful now! She loves to put the dirty washing in the machine (mummy does the liquid!), fill the bird feeder and feed the cat.

At the moment we are practising undoing a lunchbox and sandwiches/drink cartons - so that she will be totally confident when she starts school in September. Also she isn't good at pulling up tights and pants after she's been to the loo (fine with trousers but gets into a pickle with tights) so we are practising that.

Original poster

Mo2 · 04/02/2004 11:41

Oh Enid - that's lovely - especially all the 'household things'!

It is a special time when you see them growing up and saying 'No, Mummy, I want to do it...'

DS's thing at the moment is helping me stack the dishwasher and put the powder in...

Like your dd, he also likes to get undressed and get in the bath himself.

OP posts:

Twink · 04/02/2004 11:46

Same situation here. Our 4 year old dd does drinks, cereals etc, setting the table etc. Also cleans/sweeps the kitchen floor (but my standards are VERY low), empties all the wastebins on dustbin day, puts out empty milk bottles and is keen to do as much as poss. She's also got her own rubber gloves and is allowed to clean the bathroom sink with an anti-bac wipe - we know how to enjoy ourselves in this house.

After insisting she could peel carrots at the weekend was allowed to have a go (under supervision), cut herself and refused to admit it because she was determined to prove to me that she could do it. Ho hum, can't imagine where her stubborn streak comes from..

I have out my foot down about ironing though, despite the tantrums.

Enid · 04/02/2004 11:46

It is so lovely and makes me very proud. I know she would LOVE to butter and cut her toast, its a good idea Mo2, I think I'll let her do it tonight. I like this age as being able to butter toast seems more important to them than anything else very sweet.

Original poster

Mo2 · 04/02/2004 11:50

Twink - oooh yes - peeling carrots - DS loves that and we've got one of those peelers that you peel away from yourself with which minimises injuries. We've spent a happy half hour on a Sunday morning doing carrots and also sprouts (Mummy cuts bottom off, he peels off 'dirty leaves', I cut 'X's and then he 'quality controls' them into a saucepan!
(Can't get him to eat them though!)
Long may it last....

OP posts:

iota · 04/02/2004 11:51

My 2 year old can unlock the car and put the key in the ignition (my 4 year old can do it as well, but that doesn't scare me)

My 4 year old can switch on the playstation, load a game and switch the TV to the right channel - just as well as we're usually in bed when he gets up

florenceuk · 04/02/2004 15:53

My DS is 2 and wants to pour out his own drink (fill up his sippy cup and stick the lid on), serve his own cereal and milk, butter toast etc! Not very good at it though.

Punnet · 04/02/2004 23:19

My ds1 was also 4 in December, and everything you say rings true! Indeed, he even helps to run his pre-school now as his management skills beat theirs hands down with regard to discipline and time keeping. I jest not- we've had to cut down on his sessions and transfer him to a montessori twice a week so he can learn he IS NOT an adult. Strangely, he's much happier. I think independence is positive, but they have to know they are still children, and who is in charge (and that if needs be, you're quite happy for them to be 'your baby' sometimes, if it reassures them)

Marina · 05/02/2004 10:26

Mo2, he sounds such a helpful little guy (as do lots of the others on this thread). Cultivate it like mad. We've got a real little Louis XIV in our house who would like to be carried to the bath, school etc if he could get away with it. Luckily his regal extending of his arms to have his coat placed on them has been kicked into touch by his Reception teacher.
Ds' forte is helping with dd. Even if he tries to do as little as possible for himself he is tremendously helpful in fetching toys, nappies etc.

nutcracker · 05/02/2004 10:33

My dd was 4 in december too. She can be very independant and strong willed sometimes. She likes to help me make dinner and usually gets herself dressed too. It depends usually which side of bed she got out of though as she can also be very moody

susanmt · 06/02/2004 00:43

My dd1 is 4 today (aaarhgh can't beleive its 4 years!) and is also getting very independent. At the moment that is mainly inthe kitchen, she can make a ham sandwich for her lunch now, and loves to do it for herself. Buttering toast, pouring drinks, filling the bird feeders and getting dressed/undressed are all very popular with her too. She has her own little broom and is the only person to sweep the kitchen floor before it crunches!
But last week she also decided she could be like Daddy and tried to shave - has two huge gouges on her chin and will probably have hairy legs as an adult as she'll be too scared to go near a razor!

Lesley76 · 06/02/2004 09:00

It must be something about turning 4! My DD2 was four in January and is exactly the same - likes to spread things on bread, put out cereal and especially pour milk/juice, even from large cartons. Has been dressing/undressing herself for so long i cant remember when it started & can now do tights. Also loves the washing machine and cleaning the glass shower screen. Even likes to tidy her bedroon, otherwise I threaten to get her Daddy to do it (he doesn't know where things go and just throws everything in the nearest toy box and upsets her "system".)

Thanks for peeling veg idea - will try this one today. Think we'll give shaving a miss though.........

Slinky · 06/02/2004 09:11

My 4yo DD2 is fiercely independent - has been from very early on.

Can't remember the last time I got her dressed, she chooses her own clothes from the wardrobe (usually all nicely matched), pours cereal into her bowl and adds the milk. She loves polishing(??) and is quite happy to run round the room dusting

She is confident using the DVD player/TV and DS1's CD player (much to his annoyance!).

DD1 (now 8) amazed me the other day. I thought DH had set up the Quick Access Icon for "CBeeBies" website (DD2s favourite), so said to him "oh that's handy for DD2, she'll be able to just switch it on, then click on it".

He looked at me blankly and told me he didn't do it! Turns out DD1 did it!!

Bron · 06/02/2004 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zebra · 06/02/2004 15:34

My 4yo still wants to ride in the buggy, me to feed him, sleep in mommy's bed, goes all floppy if I try to dress him (is trying to do up buttons, at least)... um, he does at least wipe his own bottom after the toilet sometimes!

IcklePickle · 09/02/2007 21:44

I just let mine do all that they want to do within reason (no sharp knives except when my hand is in control over theirs etc). If you stop them you are putting a hold on their desire to explore and learn. If you stop that you stop a desire to belong, if they dont feel they belong they withdraw from wanting. That could be dangerous. Also they may love sweeping the floor (I have an electric carpet sweeper my 17 month gets all the crumbs up he spills on the floor!) but if you stop them they will not want to do it in the future. Do you want to sweep up after them forever? what about when they leave home?

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