At the end of my tether now.... (TMI in places)

[LittleAbruzzenBear]

DS1 is five at the end of Summer. He has always disliked going to the toilet for a poo (sorry, TMI) and he soiled himself at pre-school for the first few months of attendance. With the help of the pre-school we sorted it out and he was fine. Anyway, DS2 was born late last Summer and then DS1 started primary school where he started soiling again. He has also done it at home. We went away for Xmas and managed to get him to stop again. It has suddenly started again now. This morning we were about to leave for school and I saw poo all over the kitchen floor. I was pretty emotional and angry to say the least. I have just managed to clean him up, but haven't taken him to school yet. We had to see a HV about it last week and I'm mortified. Sorry this is rambling, but I'm shaking. Where have I gone wrong? I could knock back several drinks right now.

Bump.

No experience of soiling but DS also 5 has regressed since starting reception and has had wee accidents at school. They coincided with dd being born but generally I think he loses himself in moment and forgets. He also had incident after school in main toilets where he was desperate, didn't shut cubicle door, older boys came in and started saying 'we can see your bottom' which prompted him to have accident next to toilet. Could anything like that have happened to your DS? Is he afraid of something at school which makes it easier for him to avoid going? Has the HV been any use?

Thanks for responding. I feel less alone just talking about it. Last week at the doctors, the HV asked if he'd had any trauma at home and we said the only change was DS2 and we mentioned that DS1 has had anxiety over lunchtimes with older children pushing the reception years around and being mean. She is coming to visit us at home next week and wants to visit the school the following week. DS1 is a July baby and one of the two youngest in class. He is enjoying the educational side of school and is very bright, but he is physically smaller than the other boys and can be sensitive. I took him to school eventually this morning and on the way he said the TA told him he has to hurry up in the toilet because he will miss learning. I said that his teacher would rather him be clean and go to the toilet.

Hi there :)
I can sympathise as I've had a similar problem ! My DS3 soiled himself at school (very badly !) when I was expecting No 4, fortunately I was there so could clean him up but it was towards the end of the day and the teacher could obviously smell it and asked him but he wouldn't admit he'd done it so she kept the whole class back until he'd admitted it !! He was 5 and wasn't able to wipe his own bum then so was trying to stop from going at school so I could help him at home which is understandable. Anyhow the way the teacher reacted has caused no end of problems for him and since then has had numerous 'accidents' although generally at home and in the year after that barely a week went by without him dirtying because he tries to just not go ! It was really horrendous and upsetting for all of us. We went down the sticker chart route with the reward being either a small toy or an activity of his choice and it did slowly work but he still has a habit of leaving to late and (trying to put it politely !!) holding it in which is horrible for him !
So there may well be an underlying reason ? Is he able to wipe himself or he concerned that if he goes he'll make you late maybe ? My DS3 is very sensitive too do picks up on the smallest things.
Just remember that it's not his fault ! He really isn't doing it on purpose and hopefully the health visitor will be able to help. Good luck and you're not alone :)

Thank you Meggie. My instinct tells me he doesn't want or like to go properly so he avoids going and either soils himself or gets into a muddle in the toilet because he doesn't like wiping himself. He is such a lovely boy in every other way, but this is so hard! We tried an award chart last year and may go back to that. Thanks for replying.

My DS went through exactly the same phase a few months back. It was mortifying picking him up from school to find out he had soiled several times in the same day. I had to buy the poor TA flowers!

Eventually I took him to the GP who explained he was constipated and had a little cut just inside his bottom which maybe causing pain and therefore meaning he won't go. The constipation can also cause a backlog (TMI)
and then an accident. She gave me some powder to give him but as I work I couldn't take time off and I certainly couldn't send him in to school just as he was about to explode following the powders. So instead, I started giving him smoothies which has helped as well as a reward chart.

He has stopped it now thankfully but we have terrible issues with him wetting himself as he leaves it too late. I think he just has issues with going to the loo. He hates anyone seeing and sometimes I have to force him to have a wee even when I can see his desperate. I carry him into the loo and stand him in front of it and he makes me look away and then says "look no wee. I told you I didn't need to go" even though I can see it. Its very odd. I am just thinking he won't be doing it when he is 15.

I would recommend a visit to the GP to eliminate a physical cause as well as rewards. I lost it with my son on one occasion which I regretted once I had seen the GP. So if you have got the point of total frustration I sympathise but they really can't help it. There will be a cause even if its just a fear of the loos or not wanting to leave what they are doing to go to the loo.

Thank you Samnella. I think a trip to the GP may be on the cards now.