My Son

[gandaulf]

My son has had a very difficult time recently. He has had to cope with so much upheaval at home and I think he is so confused and upset. His behaviour since a particular incident about 7 months ago has got progressively worse. A few weeks ago he was told that me and his Daddy are separating and I think he is so upset that he doesn't know how to process and handle his emotions. He has angry outbursts and has been acting out at school - badly. We are all trying to figure out what to do to help him as he is obviously in distress.
Unfortunately, some people are not quite so understanding and I would just like to say that if there is anyone else out there who has had similar behavioural problems with their child and come out the other side please let me know as I am at my wits end. He really is a lovely child.

Oh I do feel for you and couldn't not reply . Although not as distressing as you and DP/DH separating, we moved house last summer, then DS started school in September and new baby arrived in October. Plus we've been renovating our new house and things have been constantly up and down and no-go zones since then. He was completely thrown and was not himself. He has the most wonderful infectious laugh but literally did not laugh for months. He struggled at school and didn't really settle until Christmas (separate issue, I think he has sensory issues and DH thinks autism which may have compounded his lack of settling in). We always took it for granted that he was adaptable but this threw us. He would scream and cry for the old house (unfortunately near his school so that was interesting the first few weeks of school!) and even asked for his dummy back he was so upset - he hadn't had it for a couple of years. The arrival of a newborn he took in his stride and has been fabulous with her. There are still some times when he's angry/aggressive/argumentative/tantrumy etc which impacts on school but generally he has improved (plus this may be more to do with possible underlying issues mentioned before). What I'm saying is that with constant reassurance, love, support and oodles of cuddles he will overcome this. What I would say though is whatever he is going through, certain behaviours cannot be tolerated and discipline needs to be carried out. For me, rudeness and aggression have consequences, regardless of the reasons why he is displaying those behaviours.
In terms of what other people think, are you referring to other parents? I would make those you feel comfortable with aware of the situation at home - not only will you have someone to share with, these things often 'get around' and may help other parents understand why he is behaving as he is.