My 4 year old boys anger

[D1mk1]

Hi all, I wondered if any of you had any thoughts on the following....my son is 4 years old and has been tested for autism as his pre school thought he might be mildly on the autistic scale. The community paediatrician and the speech and language lady have decided that he is not on the autistic scale and that is that for now. The reason for my post is that he seems a very angry little boy, he is my second child, I have a 6 year old girl and the minute he doesn't get his own way or I try and make him do something he doesn't want to do, he just looses it. At the weekend, he was really bad, and had a anger melt down which took me an hour to defuse. He was kicking, lashing out shouting and screaming.....all because I had brought him in from outside. When he gets like this, I have tried everything.....putting him in his room, the naughty step, talking to him, trying to hug him but nothing works until he is ready to stop.
I just don't know what to do.
Sorry for the really long post but I wondered if any other parents have any suggestions?
Thanx in advance

Firstly, my sympathies. It's hard isn't it.

My DS is 3.8. I do the 10 minute, 5 minute, 2 minute, 1 minute countdown then I tell him it's time to come inside. If he starts to tantrum i tell him that he has to come inside and that i am not going to argue about it. Then i don't speak/reason/argue.

I stay at close range doing something else (while he shouts/stamps etc) and as soon as the anger starts to subside and he is more upset than angry i tell him to come sit on my knee (i don't ask, i tell him to which works better). Then i hold him until he's finished crying etc.

FWIW the tantrums are an important part of him learning to deal with his emotions and he needs to 'loose it' to learn how to bring himself down and regulate his emotions.