Is this 'normal' 4 year old development?

[Kyrptonite]

DS is 4.2. Language wise he has always been very advanced, nursery have no worries about his intellect, he's in the higher acheiving group there but his personal care is lacking.

Some days he's aware and will go to the toilet but others its a nightmare. Dr has prescribed medicine for constipation but waiting for it to take effect.

What is worrying me is his behaviour. So far tonight he has bit DD twice, punched me repeatedly and tried to throttle me. He's screamed at me, thrown books all over his bedroom and pinched me. This is a regular occurance.

I can't cope. DC3 is due in September. DS is hurting people at nursery, calling people names and I'm really worried he will do serious harm. Toys are confiscated, I've cut chocolate and sugar from his diet but nothing helps.

Can I ask nursery manager for a CAMHS referral? This is made trickier as manager is MIL and I also work there. He's biting everything- clothes, toys, people but says his teeth don't hurt.

He won't sleep. He used to go straight to bed by 7 but now I'm lucky if he's asleep by 9.

You can ask your GP for a CAMHS referral.

I'm a bit worried that the GP will think I'm over reacting. Have had to go 3 times until they picked up on the constipation causing toileting problems.

I don't have a four year old boy but I heard they have a massive testosterone surge around this age, leading to all sorts of behaviour... It passes as they grow up. Not saying this is what's going on, esp re toileting, but might be playing a part.

I don't know whether what you've described is particularly unusual behaviour for a boy of his age.

Is he simply pushing his boundries and testing you all out?
Consistent very firm managment of his behaviour is what I'm sure you are trying to do.
Not sure you'll find any deep meaning for it all.

Could he be bored at pre-school?

Does he hurt people to be mean or just out of boistrous exuberance. Like a baby chimp would. Many boys I know, including my son are constantly play fighting, hitting there mums, siblings and generally throwing themsleves all over the place. What could appear as aggression is certainly not.

What do you think?

He looks spiteful when he's hurting someone and when asked to apologise does so in a silly voice often accompanied by a smirk.

He is bored at nursery but we have had so many staff absences recently there's not enough of us to combat the boredom.

I have 3 boys and they have all expressed their chimplike behaviour in different ways. They have all at times made me question whether their behaviour is "normal" or not. With mine these phases have been relatively short lived and are exacerbated by tiredness or anxiety. However none of them have ever tried to throttle me or thrown their books around the room. They have bitten their siblings and screamed at me though. However I have never seen them attempting to do "serious harm".
I guess it depends upon how serious he is about wanting to hurt you or his sister, and can he control his impulses to do so if he chooses? Does he seem sorry afterwards or does he at some level seem to dismiss his behaviour?
If you really think he will do serious harm - you need to see your GP about it.

He seems upset that he's been told off but not that he's hurt someone. Earlier he threw a toy at DDs head. I confiscated the toys and all he did was whine that he didn't have them anymore.

He knows how to explain if someone has done something he doesn't like. That's what I'm finding most frustrating I think. He knows not to just lash out. He just seems to hulk out and get angry very quickly.

Have a plan and explain it to him. If you hit, a toy will be taken away for a day and will go on the fridge. If you pinch/punch/bite, the same. He has to say sorry, and use the same language every single time you manage that behaviour. He will eventually get that one type of behaviour is wrong. If he plays nicely, always praise, always. He is very young still and it's a good time to do this as he is probably testing your boundaries, but he is old enough to respond to consistant behaviour management. But you have to be consistant about it.

You started this thread with the simple question about whether you can ask your nursery manager for a referral rather than whether you needed a referral or not. You can see your gp, you could simply start the process then opt out if things settle down.