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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Fighting with me at bedtime

14 replies

tegan · 17/05/2006 20:16

DD2 has started to fight going to bed and it is driving me mad.

Last night it took 2.5 hrs of her kicking, screaming, spitting and doing pretty much anything else she could, until dh took her out in the car and she dropped off.

Tonight we have had the same and I really can't cope with it, to the point I cold physically harm her with frustration.

How can I get her back into her good going to bed routine.

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Donk · 17/05/2006 20:30

Is she afraid of something?
The only time anything like this has happened to me was when DS (then 2.0) had been (unbeknown to us) frightened by the noise of a strange bath emptying - we had hell at bath time for weeks.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/05/2006 20:35

Well, I would persist with keep putting her back to bed and walking out the room.

If she gets up and follows keep putting her back in bed and leaving and then holding the door shut (a la Dr Tanya) for however many minutes ie 2 mins for 2 yrs old, 3mins for 3 yrs old. Then when time is up pick her back up and put her back to bed and simply say "Its bed time".

It WILL be exhausting, and tiring and wearing and heartbreaking. But if you persist with it, and more importantly remain consistent you should see results within a few days.

She will fight adn do whatever she can to get a response. As soon as she learns that you wont give in, then she will stop fighting.

Uwila · 17/05/2006 20:40

Oh, i sympaathise. DD likes to protest bedtime. She is 3. It does my head in. But, the protest/tantrum only lasts for 15 minutes or so. If it was 2 1/2 hours I thinkI'd go back to work.

kayzed · 17/05/2006 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparklemagic · 17/05/2006 21:17

What was your previous routine like? When she was going to bed?

Who puts her to bed, you or DH?

How old is she?

2.5 hours sounds awful, you poor things! Sure I will have more ideas when more details available to go on...

Original poster

tegan · 18/05/2006 06:45

DD ( 2 yrs ) always has the same routine of bath then bed and, even though it has took a long time for her to get into routine, most nights she will stay and go straight off or get up a couple of times but within 20 mins at the most she is asleep.

But the last 2 nights she is causing me major problems.

When I ask her what is wrong she says she doesn't know.

What can I do.

OP posts:

kitbit · 18/05/2006 09:51

What about totally changing her routine? Anything to bring some novelty in to get her interest again? A new teddy who needs to go to bed and can't go to bed by himself? Changing her room around? Staying with her until she drops off?
It sounds as though she's scared of something and maybe the hard line of zero tolerance might add to the problem, only you know of course, but I think I might approach it with empathy first.

sparklemagic · 18/05/2006 10:20

Does she have stories before bed? you mention bath then bed - but stories can be a really really useful wind down time. Don't want to go on, as you might do this already, but will expand on it and let you know what works for us if you want me to - just don't want to teach you to suck eggs if you do this already x

BernieBear · 18/05/2006 10:21

Yep, I am going through this at the moment. DS (2.1) has always been bad but has now started getting completely hysterical. I have always (well for the last 6 months) been strict with leaving him to go to sleep on his own, but poping back in to comfort/lie him down whilst firmly saying BEDTIME. However last night was the worst yet. I think the neighbours thought i was abusing him. Anyway, I did actually ask him what he was worried about, and after a lot of weird talk he said he was scared about downstairs. Which I took to mean that as long as he thought I was upstairs then he would be happier. We also had a long talk at (well pretty much one sided considering his age ) breakfast this morning and made a "very important" list of what he would like in his room to make him feel better. So I am spending the weekend sorting it out (with ds help of course). Still not convinced this will work as have tried everything else, so am watching this thread with interest. You are not alone!

BernieBear · 18/05/2006 10:37

Sparklemagic (sorry to temp. hijack thread) I read three stories to ds everynight, one of which he choses. Is there something else I should be doing in conjunction with the stories (do bath as well)? I'll suck as many eggs as I need to I am getting so desperate.

Notquitesotiredmum · 18/05/2006 11:16

I found that dh was a lot better at settling ds2 than I was. He did the bad guy bit and I was the reward. If ds2 got into his pyjamas, and had his teeth cleaned, and got into bed ready for stories, then I could come in and read them. If not dad stuck it out and stayed until ds2 was asleep. It took two or three nights of battles, then I was allowed back in on the agreement that ds2 was not allowed to shout or cry, but would snuggle down when it was "sleepytime".

The only downside is that poor dh is painted as the bad guy, but then my boys do still always ask for mum anyway.

sparklemagic · 18/05/2006 13:19

bernie, three stories is what we do too do I reckon you're doing all you can.

I've said this before on bedtime threads and I'll echo notquitesotiredmum - your DH might well be the key. My DS became completely unable to let me go at bedtime, it all became an absolute nightmare...I ended up staying with him to avoid lakes of vomit every night! but that just meant as soon as he woke during the night, he would come and get me and he and I were having dreadful nights.....so one night we simply swapped to my DH doing it. DS has never been so clingy with DH, though they are close - and it has worked like magic. I read DS his first story, then kiss, cuddle and hand over to dad.

Currently my DH still stays in there with him while he drops off, and we're now about to address that as I think it actually makes it take longer for DS to drop off with him in there! But during the night, no wake ups at all...we all sleep better. And no hours of hysteria and vomit!!!!

I think a bedtime routine of bath, stories and bed is good for most people, and I'd really recommend if people have DHs/DPs to hand over to them. It's got to be worth a try - I think kids sense that dad just does not have the reserves of patience that mum does, and that allied with somewhat less clinginess really seems to work.

Best of luck, I've been there and do sympathise.

kayzed · 18/05/2006 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tegan · 18/05/2006 19:47

I think perhaps it's her trying the boundries.

I can't do stories as she has a very short attention span and has never listened to 1 story let alone 3.

She has gone down better tonight but I bet it won't last.

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