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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Leaving your baby with other people?

45 replies

beckslovestimmy · 14/04/2013 21:05

At what age did you start to leave your baby with anyone other than your partner. My mother keeps going on about it to me saying that if I don't do it now my daughter won't want to be with anyone else once she's older. (She's 13weeks old, I will be going back to work when she's a year old). I suspect this is more down to the fact that my mother wants her to herself, which in its self I find a bit strange. What are your thoughts/experiences. AIBU to not want to leave my baby, people keep saying 'you must need a break' I don't, I live being with her??? Sorry for the long post

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

beckslovestimmy · 14/04/2013 21:06

Love not live! Stupid phone !

OP posts:

WhatAGoat · 14/04/2013 21:11

I have left dd twice since she was born she is now 8 months old. The first time was a 2 weeks ago the second was today. There is something about babies that make people crazy just say you're not ready just yet

marzipananimal · 14/04/2013 21:13

your Mum is talking rubbish! I didn't leave DS with anyone apart from DH for ages and hadn't had more than a couple of hours away from him until he was over 1 year old. He's 2 now and spent a whole weekend with my parents recently and was absolutely fine - didn't seem to miss us at all. He loves having babysitters and goes happily to nursery.
Don't do it until you feel ready. There's no rush

Francagoestohollywood · 14/04/2013 21:16

I have always let my parents, the inlaws and close family members look after my dc.

MsDeerheart · 14/04/2013 21:19

my mum babysat in the evening for a couple of house when DC were about 4 months for a couple of hours - didn't leave them until 6 months or so in the day - there is no rush

Sheshelob · 14/04/2013 21:21

What is it about grannies and wanting their grandchildren all to themselves? When my son got older I found it easier to let them have that time together. And it is actually really nice. He might only eat ice cream and go to bed hours too late, but he is blissfully happy and has a real bond with his granny. But he's a toddler now, so ANY time away is wonderful!!

Re: time away - YANBU - 13 weeks is still pretty young. I don't think I left my DS with anyone other than DH before he was three months old, and then only occasionally until i went back to work when he was 6 months old. My thinking was he'd be ok with it when I was ok with it, and that has followed. There is no timescale.

Original poster

beckslovestimmy · 14/04/2013 21:21

Thanks for your replies. I'm certainly not ready, I've left DD with my sister in law twice which has been ok but I get stressed being away from her and just want to get back to her as soon as possible. If I have to leave her with anyone it would be my sister in law as she has 3 young children so recent experience. My parents haven't had any experience with babies for 30years and some of the advice they come out with concerns me. Also my mother questions everything I do with DD so I don't think she'd follow our routine so I feel even having a few hours off would just upset our routine and be harder work when I get home.

OP posts:

FortyFacedFuckers · 14/04/2013 21:22

I didn't leave DS at all until he was 15 months and that was only because I had to, just tell your mum you are not ready to leave the baby yet. Don't feel bad and don't let them put pressure on you.

catlady1 · 14/04/2013 21:23

My MIL took DD for a couple of hours when she was two weeks old. It felt wrong but I didn't want to say no to her, and thought I might enjoy the peace, but I just sat and cried and watched the clock! That was two weeks ago, she's mentioned having her again but I keep getting DP to fob her off. She's not pushy about it or anything, I think she thinks it's normal and a favour to us but I can't relax when she's not here.

My own mum keeps banging on about having her but neither of us drive, so by the time I'd dropped DD off with my mum, got her settled and got home again (she lives about half an hour's walk away) it wouldn't be worth it, unless she had her all day or all night, which I wouldnt want at the moment.

DD is breastfed at the moment so that limits us a bit anyway. She'll take the odd bottle of expressed milk but it would take forever for me to pump enough for a full day/night worth of feeds, and I wouldnt want to risk her getting too fond of bottles by giving them to her all day. I don't want to always be reluctant to leave her but I definitely feel like it's way too early now.

motherinferior · 14/04/2013 21:24

I went back to work when DD1 was four months old. She went to a fabulous childminder three, then four days a week. Had no qualms at all. In fact it was a huge relief to leave her.

nannynick · 14/04/2013 21:24

I have cared for babies aged from 3 days old. I have done over-night care of 2 week old twins.

I do not think that any parent finds it easy to leave their child in the care of someone else the first few times they do it, or even once they have done it a few times... it is always a little bit of a worry. It really depends on who you leave them with.

You may find it easier to leave your daughter with a very experienced childcarer, than with your own mum, as your mum may not have cared for a baby for many years, whereas an experienced childcarer may be doing it on a regular basis.

Trust your instincts, do not feel pressured by anyone. If you are going to use childcare at some point, then do introduce it over a period of time if you can - perhaps start with a couple of hours in the evening with a reliable local babysitter who you and your daughter get to know.

YoniBottsBumgina · 14/04/2013 21:30

You have to wait until you are ready and feel comfortable with it. I left DS with my sister for about 3 or 4 hours when he was 3 months old, that was the first time I think. Then didn't until he was about 8 months, because I had no reason to.

If you don't feel like someone will follow your preferences then it's best to avoid either until the baby is old enough to cope with a change in routine, or just avoid the times which might be an issue. E.g. I wouldn't have left DS with anyone at bedtime if I thought they might leave him to cry, but now he's 4 it's not an issue any more.

Francagoestohollywood · 14/04/2013 21:31

You are EVIL motherinferior

DuelingFanjo · 14/04/2013 21:32

I started leaving my son with my mum for short periods and building up to a whole day at about 8 months old as I knew I would be returning to work at 10 months and he would be with her for one day a week. We did it gradually and it all worked out fine. My mum didn't pressure me to have him at any point and still doesn't now. If you feel uneasy about it then don't do it.

BackforGood · 14/04/2013 21:32

With dc1, I was desparate for some dental work they'd not wanted to do while I was pregnant, so Mum had him then for a couple of hours, a couple of weeks in. I've never had any issues with leaving any of them with trusted people though.

I do wonder - and I'm not having a go - but it often crosses my mind on threads where people say they've never left their child with anyone and the are many, many months, or even years old, what they would do when there is some emergency when they have to leave them, and, at a time when they are already very stressed / upset, they are then adding into the mix the first time that they leave their child ?

motherinferior · 14/04/2013 21:33

Franca, I cannot express the sheer feeling of relief strongly enough

I felt me again.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 14/04/2013 21:37

At 6 weeks I left her with DH so I could get a haircut.

At 7 months I left her with nanny so I could go away for the day.

Otherwise... Never. I work from home and she is with the nanny but I am always just feet away

Original poster

beckslovestimmy · 14/04/2013 21:38

I don't like feeling like it, I feel I should be able to trust my mum but I already have issues with her going back to my childhood so that doesn't help. If I had to leave her in an emergency then I would hope DH would be around, if not I'd go to my SIL. In time ill have to leave her with mum as I'm sure she'll help out with child care when I'm back at work but at the mo were just getting used to our routine and DD is sleeping through the night and I don't want to undo my hard work. Almost all DD's care is down to me as DH does shift work. So I'm the one stable factor in her life and I think she needs that.

OP posts:

Francagoestohollywood · 14/04/2013 21:43

I soooo understand MI .

rrreow · 15/04/2013 14:06

About 3 months old with SIL who was also looking after him during the day (upstairs while we worked from home). So he was definitely very comfortable with her. I felt happy leaving DS with her at that point for a few hours (as for all intents and purposes us being out was pretty similar to us being downstairs).

I would definitely say though that this is different for everyone and if you are not comfortable, then don't feel forced into it by anyone. The thing about not being able to leave her with anyone later on if you don't start it now is just absolute nonsense.

In my opinion it's important to let your baby build up relationships with others while you are actually there too.

Jakeyblueblue · 15/04/2013 18:03

I left ds twice for about an hour before I went back to work when he was one. Didn't even really leave him with dh. He was totally fine. I was the same as you, plus he was a big hungry boy and wanted the boob every 5 mins. I didn't see the point of keep leaving him with people as I loved being with him so much. I was often quite pressured about it, comments like 'don't you trust us' from the inlaws, but I just did what I felt right.
Work three days a week now and that's the only time I leave him still. Has no effect whatsoever on him, other than he's a very happy, healthy, loving and content little boy. Ignore them.

Chocoflump · 15/04/2013 18:07

I have only ever left 3yo DS with my mum, and have never left 8mo DD with anyone apart from DH.

The thought of DS going to pre school in September fills me with dread

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 15/04/2013 18:11

Three weeks with grandparents for an evening when DH and I went out for a NY Eve party (years ago)e

About a week old left DS with DH for an afternoon.

At eight weeks left DS for two nights with DH as I had to go to my grandmothers funeral 250 miles away and it was the easiest option!

ButtonBoo · 15/04/2013 19:21

I left DD with my Mum for a few hours starting when she was 6mo. I was still bf so it was only whilst I got my hair cut or for my mum to take her for a walk etc.

My mum was a childminder and always said that she'd rather get a child at 6-8 mo as after that they started with the seperation anxiety.

I went back to work when dd was 10mo. My mum has her two days a wk and she goes to nursery on the other days. It was ok leaving her with my mum on those days as by then she was used to her but she took a while to settle at nursery.

Your dd is still so young. Don't worry about it for now!

GiveMeVegemite · 15/04/2013 19:59

My son is 10 months and hasn't left my side yet! I dread the day.....

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