8 year old DD being SO difficult in so many ways.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

She's bright....began a new school at the start of year 3 and is now doing very well in year 4...settled, amazing progress academically...nice friends and happy to go daily,.

At home she's rude, defiant and obsessed with food. She's not fat...yet...but she's definitely put weight on. She eats her tea or whatever and 5 mins later is asking for food.

She's lazy...won't do homework easily.but seems to be surging ahead in all subjects.

she ate roast chicken, potatoes, corn and carrots for tea and then yogurt and literally 15 mins later was whining for food.

She's having a massive tantrum right now as we've said she can't watch a film but has to go to bed as she shouted at me that she hated me...and her Dad...and shouts NO etc at us in a rude way.

She makes me cry when she says she hates us. We eat a good diet...mostly vegitarian with maybe fish or chicken once a week...loads of fruit available. She goes to dancing once a week and rides to school on her bike 3 miles a day in good weather...she also does Brownies.

What is wrong??

Does he get enough sleep?
Are you absolutely positive things are ok socially at school?
How is her self esteem?
Does she know how to entertain herself?
It could be tiredness.
It could be boredom.
It could be low self esteem.
It could be be crap happening at school.
It could just be a phase.
It could be a growth spurt.
It could be hormones.
It could be all of those things.

I do feel for you.
I have 8 yr old twins and some of it sounds familiar.
I have used a self esteem workbook with dd which has really helped.
I upped ds's protein to try and fill him up for longer.
I bought them inline skates and they enjoy taking themselves off around the block.

She's a girl define she is definitely ok socially...the usual ups and down but her teacher says she's blossomed and she's definitely got more party invitations than before.

re the protein she has enough....I know she does. Cheese is always available...but she'll just go looking for biscuits all the time even after a big meal and a pudding.

We don';t have pudding all the time but she would if she could.

Low self esteem doesn't seem likely...she knows she's bright...she knows she's pretty...she has nice clothes. DH thinks she's spoilt and it's all our fault.

Mine ask for food when they are attention seeking.
Lot of it sounds like it could be attention seeking. Especially if she needs high stimulation to be happy.

That makes sense lljkk....tonight I went into her after shed calmed down and spoke to her a bit...asked her if she felt DD2 got more attention and she said yes...she said DD2 get's ALL the attention.

She doesn't but she's one of those outgoing cheerful types...she pulls people in easily with a joke or a funny face or whatever...she's 5 and pushy so DD who is quieter probably feels pushed out.

I asked her if she'd like more time alone with me and she said NO! But then agreed that after her bath, she'd like to come into my office and watch her favourite show on my laptop.

Next time she asks for food I shall offer attention instead!

Ignore the 'I hate you ' comments, they all use that because they know it will hit you where it hurts, she doesn't hate you, so just ignore it and don't react.

This is my dd, particularly whining for food. I feel your pain

I wouldn't particularly go for asking directly "do you think dd2 gets more attention?"
Because I am certain that if I asked a leading question like that then my dd2 would say "yes" whatever. And then use it next time she was feeling cross. Dd1 would say "no" because that what she felt would be the answer I wanted!
Difficult

She has meat or fish around 3 days a week...we don't believe it's that good for you so other protein comes in the shape of beans and pulses and cheese.

Sometimes my dc ask for food straight after lunch/tea because they haven't had time to feel full. Also, depending on the portion size, it doesn't sound as if she had that much for tea?

My dc always seem to be hungry and they just need distracting and then the pangs seem to go away (just like us if you think about it.)

Well I see that welcome but this was 15 minutes later...I've had the "I';m still hungry!" thing while she's still chewing her last mouthful but 15 minutes is plenty of time for it to hit.

Yes I'd offer to play a game or do something together to try to distract her from the hungries.
If she's like my 8yo she'll soon progress to rampant attention seeking from younger sibling, too.

I just had a thought. Just to make sure she's not really hungry. You can check her bmi on the nhs website to see if that's ok. An 8 yrold needs 1800 calories a day, which is only 200 calories/ 2 slices of bread less than adult woman needs. I know the idea of conting up how many calories a child has is a bit odd, but if your weight is normal, is she having the same as you bar a snack? My twins have normal bmis and have about the same as me, but don't have the large glass of wine in the evening!
I also agree with the attention seeking, my eldest forages for food when he's bored.

defineme are you sure about that? I don't give her the same portions as I eat. She's only 8 and smallish in stature...it would seem very excessive and you always read on here about watching kids' portion sizes.

If you go to nhs.co.uk it has all sorts of advice about this sort of stuff and it states that calorie intake for 7-10 year olds should be 1970 for boys and 1740 for girls-assuming they get enough exercise.
I'm constantly giving my 8 yrold ds bananas/bread/cheese chunks, even quite close to meal times, he's always hungry and has grown a lot this year so obviously needs it.