toilet training need help desperately

[ariane5]

Dd2 is 3.5

She is still in nappies. I cannot manage to potty/toilet train her at all

She has EDS so has a lot of pain/dislocations/severe constipation (on movicol) so I think she is 'preoccupied' and unable to focus.
She also has type 1 diabetes and has daily hypos and is often exhausted due to both conditions.
Still wet at night.

Dd2 is really bright and understands the concept but just can't seem to concentrate due to pain/illness. Being in nappies/blood sugar issues keeps causing thrush so it would be preferable for her to be trained but we can't manage it.

Do I just need to wait a bit longer and put up with recurrent thrush etc or persevere with what so far isn't working and is just stressing her?

Ds1 had issues similar to this but was using toilet a bit earlier (has eds but not (t1 D or pain as severe).

I know she could do it but feeling less than 100 percent is stopping her. She leaks through nappies/pull ups now and I just don't know what to do. She is ready mentally but not physically I think or is there a way I could manage to toilet train her?

If she has physical problems that cause her problems with going to the loo its not surprising that she's having problems with potty training. Can you speak to your HV or GP for advice?

HV just told me to "keep putting her on the potty every 40 mins " I tried to explain that pain/hypos etc are stopping her focusing but she said if I kept doing it Dd would get the message.

We have tried and she just gets upset and wets herself all the time.

If I leave her in nappies though she will keep getting sore/thrush.

I will speak to her diabetes nurse on tuesday, she is very sympathetic and might help. I just feel bad for dd as either way she is uncomfortable.

Sounds like you're having a horrible time ariane5.

It sounds also like you've answered your own question 'wait a bit and longer...or persevere with what so far isn't working and is just stressing her'

I'm afraid I can't relate to your situation directly, but can hear how upsetting it is for you all.

There are so many elements at play here, my feeling would be to take the pressure off yourself as best you can and manage the other stuff like changing as best as you can, reassuring when leaking occurs. Hopefully better weather here shortly so bare bums in gardens and potty availablilty around might just be helpful.

You're spinning so many plates...do try and look after yourself within it all

x

Hi ariane5 I am not sure of all the issues you describe and how they will come into play. It sounds like you are having problems because Dd2 is worrying about it and it has become stressful for her (and you).

If there is no physical problem why she can't use the loo/potty then I would (this is just my opinion) have a friendly informal chat with Dd2 and try and do two main things. 1) put her mind at rest that it is OK if she keeps wetting herself, it is not a problem - although it has nasty side effects for her but it is not naughty or bad or anything else (I am sure you are not saying it is at all but it might be she gets that message from somewhere and that adds to the pressure for her). 2) Ask her what she thinks would help her to use the potty well/at all/some of the time. For example a sticker every time and a treat when she gets 10 stickers (sorry if this is obvious or if youhave already tried this), an instant gratification every time - my own dd loves watching animals do the funniest things on you tube, if you were able to let her do that on the PC or your phone if you have a smart phone, it is a kind of instant thing. I have known people give chocolate buttons, but because of my own issues with food and eating too much I did not want to set up a food/reward thing with DD.

My own DD can be a handful, and I have found if I want to speak to her the best way if over a game and to chat informally.

We had a few tiny problems with DD toilet training and I noticed she did sometimes wet herself to kind of get my attention. I am not saying this is the case with your dd but just saying this was our experience. We ended up toilet training DD with lots of incentives and try not to stress too much. You sound like a very caring Mum.

Anyway, ariane5 I wish you all the best for this to be sorted.

Thankyou Italiangreyhound, we tried the sticker chart and dd2 was enthusiastic (she is bright for her age and completely understands how/why she should use toilet/potty) but we just always seem to get stuck when it comes to her actually putting it into practice, she gets tired and forgets so wets, or she is in pain gets distracted and has an accident.

With the diabetes if her blood sugar is high she wees loads and finds it hard to control and if blood sugar goes low and she has a hypo she is not really 'with it' and just can't concentrate for some time afterwards.

Its such a shame for her as she wants to be able to do it.
I will keep her in pull ups I think but keep trying/encouraging her and hope she starts to get the hang of it!

If you are using Movicol are you under the hospital? We are. I just ask because you may need to increase the dose, esp if she is still having pain?? Sounds like an impaction. Is she having lots of poo accidents a day?

Movicol was prescribed by gp when dd2 was 6 months old due to severe constipation and piles.

We are seen at hospital for her other problems (eds and diabetes). She sometimes poos continuously through the day, other times nothing for a day or 2 then pain. She has 2 sachets at night.

ariane5 good luck, I really hope it works out well.

Once weather is nice, try a bit of being in the garden with potty on hand, and I would try and see what might work in terms of instant gratification when she gets it right, maybe just a round of applause, a huge loud 'Well Done DD' etc because we found with sticker charts that they were hard to keep going.