4 year old doesn't love Grandma

[spicegirl13]

My Mum has just been to visit as she does about 2 or 3 times a week as she lives locally. My 4 year old daughter is often quite short with her and won't answer her if she asks her a question. She wriggles out of cuddles and refuses to ever kiss her goodbye (I don't force this as I think that's unfair) she even kicked her today.

When she left I asked why she isn't kind to her and she said "because I don't love Grandma, only Grandad" I'm really upset about this and don't know what to do. My Mum does a lot for us and always brushes my daughter's rejection off "don't worry, she's only little" but she isn't like this with my Dad or my parents-in-law.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks in advance

No advice but my 3 yr old ds is very like this with both of my parents, makes me v.sad. I put it down to him being very comfortable with then... as in thinking he only plays up/is horrid for me, dh & my parents - all the people he sees the most & is most comfortable with being 'naughty' for. He isn't like this with them absolutely all of the time, but it does happen often

Does she have a reason to not like her or love her? I said the same to my grandmother at just a bit older and I meant it. She was a cold woman who made me uncomfortable.

Perhaps ask her why?

Do you pick her up when she won't answer her Grandma? You need to pull her manners up...she's 4 not a toddler and that's too old to be rude unless she has a very good reason to dislike her Gran.

I also hope that the kicking was dealt with very strongly. If my DD kicked my Mum I would have put her straight in her room and removed a party/club/treat.

I would be concerned about that tbh, I wonder what Grandma has done to make your dd so angry with her. It doesn't sound quite right.

My dd always says stuff like this. I take no notice, the next day she will say something completely different.

She even says it about dh!

I didn't like my Auntie Jean when I was that age. She was very hard of hearing and spoke very loudly and I was s sensitive little soul. We didn't see her very often but I used to hide when she came. Ask her why she doesn't like grandma.

Thanks everyone, I'd really like to get to the bottom of it by asking her, will have a chat with her at a quiet time and see what she says.

I dealt with the kicking by putting her in time out then apologising etc and every time she's rude I do the same. I'm also conscious that I don't make a big deal out of it as I think that makes it worse.

Sometimes ignoring her is the best option as then she goes to her as she feels she's missing out.

I really don't know why she dislikes her so much, DH says its because she's quite quiet and our DD finds her boring, could be I suppose. But she tries really hard, was playing shops with her today, then hide & seek then horses running around the field (my living room!)

I was really close to my grandma so I find it hard to understand & upsetting

Does she get left to play with Grandma while you get on with other things? (I don't mean this judgementally btw, as I know that a DM's visit can be the only time to get stuff done). Could she be expressing her worry about not being with you by taking it out on Grandma? Your mum sounds like a gem.

Thanks Schmee, she really is . No not really, just left while I make a cup of tea or something so not for too long.

It could be she is jealous of your attention to grandma and obvious love for her. My 5 yr old tells me to get off the phone with her grandma (who doesn't live nearby) as she prefers me talking to her.