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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

6 month old hates me

63 replies

joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 20:45

Im a first time mum and My 6 month old is teething and crys with me like he crys with no one else. When its just us two in the house unless i entertain him all of the time he gets irritable then he wont let me put him down. Wants to be held all the time and screams when i put him down. It's making me think i don't give him enough good attention but sometimes i just want to have a minute to read a paper or make a cup of tea. Does that make me a crap mummy? Honestly? Then when i bring him to my mums hes all smiles and laughs and she says i dont know how lucky i am to have a good baby. Today he screamed cos i put him in the pram and walked for 20 mons. I couldnt lift him out cos it was snowing and he got in such a state and was sobbing, my mum was so shocked said dont let him cry like that. Its making me think he must just hate me :(

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YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 27/03/2013 20:55

He cries more when with you because you're his main person. He thinks you can solve everything!

Just cuddle him as much as possike when he is sad, even if you can't solve the problem he will feel that you care.

Very common for babies to be horribly clingy with mum especially.

He loves you.

CognitiveOverload · 27/03/2013 20:56

He doesn't hate you. Do you tend to pick him up every time he cries? Do you feel he cries for attention or do you feel he might be in discomfort? If he is happy with others. It might be that he cries in order to be picked up...because it works. Are you breast feeding? What is your usual response to his crying when youre alone with him?

CognitiveOverload · 27/03/2013 20:57

Teething will make him cry for comfort because he feels better when you respond to him. He's only young. Does he sleep and eat ok?

awwwwmannnn · 27/03/2013 21:02

oh huni, of course your little one doesn't hate you, he loves you more than anything and you are the one person he relies upon more than anyone else. he likes to be close to you and when you put him down he misses you. wanting a minute to do something for yourself does not make you a bad mother in any way shape or form, your human not a machine!!!

babies are always different around other people then they are with you, its a fact of life, not a sign he doesn't love you. he sees you all day everyday, you are his comfort, his familarity that helps him be who he is. when they see someone else its like wooo hooo more attention.

i used to say the same about my DD, everyone else always seemed to manage to settle her/make her laugh/do things with her better than i could. i swear sometimes she would cry if i wanted to cuddle her.

now (she's 2.4) the bond between us couldn't be any stronger, she's upset or anything and she wants me and i'm perfectly capable of settling her now lol

don't beat yourself up, 6 months is still young and its hard work and stressful at times. maybe your baby is picking up on this a little bit. easier said than done i know but just relax and don't give yourself a hard time, if you do have to put your baby down to do something, put him near you and carry on talking to him or singing to him anything so that he knows you are still around.

big hugs xx

JiltedJohnsJulie · 27/03/2013 21:03

It's very common for them to cry for mum and then be smiley when distracted, whether that's with your mum, at a playgroup or with friends.

What are you giving him for the teething? Have you tried ibuprofen and a teething gel like dentinox?

He doesn't hat you either, if he did, why wouldn't he want to be put down? He loves you, you are his world.

MajaBiene · 27/03/2013 21:04

Teething 6 month olds want to be carried - it's normal, and doesn't mean he hates you (quite the opposite!).

It's fine to put him down with some toys while you make a cuppa - just put him where he can see you. Have you thought about using a sling? You can put him on your back and still do things round the house.

2BoysAndNoMore · 27/03/2013 21:04

Aww he certainly does not hate you! Did you know that babies who cry more for their mum's are atually believed to be more securely attached than those who don't cry? Without wanting to bore you, studies have shown and phsychologists believe that far from hating you, he is showing you he trusts you and knows you are the person to show his true feelings to. Honestly, he does not hate you. Also, they all cry loads, don''t think your baby is the only one. Behind closed doors we're all going through the same thing. My 15 month old has spent the evening grizzling and screaming anytime I put him down or my husband left the room. Different phases, separation anxiety, teething all result in yet more crying and fussing. It will get better. x

Original poster

joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 21:09

I used to pick him up everytime he cried when he was really little so its probably me own fault. My partner said i pick him up too much. it used to be more of a whinge than a full on cry but now its a proper cry and he stops as soon as hes lifted and smiles so i know there is nothing actually wrong with him. ive read all this stuff about never leaving a baby to cry cos they lose trust in you and they need love and attention etc so i feel like shit if i do let him cry..then i feel guilty for being annoyed at him when hes only a baby. You read all this stuff about babys picking up on stress aswell...hes a great eater and sleeps ok too. still takes a bottle in the middle of the night but goes to bed at 7.30/8pm. My mum is really making me feel 100 times worse and he is so so good when around family he never crys so i think they think im exaggerating..

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ilovepicnmix · 27/03/2013 21:12

He doesn't hate you! Coincidentally I've felt like this today with my 9 mo. I feel like he's bored of me as he's always happier if we're out or if we have visitors. He just wants to be lifted all the time. It's bloody hard having a baby! I reckon the reason he is all smiles with other people is because he knows he is so loved by you and he therefore is v secure.

MajaBiene · 27/03/2013 21:13

You are supposed to pick up babies when they cry! That's how they are designed - it's not your "fault".

Original poster

joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 21:15

Thanks awman that makes sense, sometimes i feel like everyone that has babys my age a either super mums or putting up a facade.

Iv been giving him anbesol and ibuprofen , he is in alot of pain, pulling allsorts of weird faces. I just want him to calm down. I think he gets bored with me sometimes nd i am too tired some days to be an entertainer

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ilovepicnmix · 27/03/2013 21:16

I have never left mine to cry and have never doubted myself about that. If he's consoled by you picking him up then why wouldnt you do that? He's just a wee thing and he's not going to want cuddles for ever. Im no expert but soon he'll be crawling etc and he'll be too busy zooming off!

CognitiveOverload · 27/03/2013 21:16

Sounds like...from what you've said that he does it to be picked up. Of course use your own judgement but if he screams and gets picked up then he will continue to do it. At 6 months, you can probably reduce the picking up to allow him to be comfortable to explore with you close by but not in your arms. Maybe try picking him when he is content rather than when he cries. So he learns you will pick him up even if he's not crying...

JiltedJohnsJulie · 27/03/2013 21:17

You can't hug a baby too much. You sound like you are doing a really good job, you just need a bit more confidence in yourself and how you look after your baby.

Could you have a talk with Dh and tell him why you cuddle DS? You really haven't made a rod for your own back, there's no such thing. The only baby I know who was left to cry still has anxiety problems and wakes each night at 8, not months, that's years

Have you got some time for yourself too (maybe a yoga class ). Do you go to any groups like the ones at your children's centre? I found mine were less irritable if we got out for a couple of hours and I felt better for being out of te house, having a cuppa and a bit of adult conversation.

Original poster

joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 21:25

Yeah jjj hes way better when we are out for a bit its just if hes stuck in the house with me he gets really irritable. Thats y i was thinking hes starting to hate me. I go to a wee swimming class with him and he loves it!

I know he wants picked up all of the time but i cant hold him at all times can i?, i need to get dressed/ go to the loo and eat and sometimes i dont want to be carrying him every second of the day its exhausting. But thats what he wants.

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MajaBiene · 27/03/2013 21:25

Babies cry so you will pick them up... because they can't say "Mummy I am tired/sad/bored and really need a cuddle please".

Original poster

joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 21:27

Because picnmix i cant carry him every minute of the day. Sometimes he has to go in his pram and hes even started crying cos he he wants me to lift him out

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bvmsmummy · 27/03/2013 21:32

My heart went out to you reading this! I know how you feel, I have days when I can hardly lift myself off the floor because my LO is so fussy / clingy / crying - it can really get to me! But he really doesn't hate you. From chatting to other Mums its very common to feel like that but as far as I / my friends can tell its a lot to do with boredom, some babies just like a change of scene.

I had two thoughts that might help a bit. One was with your Mum / other people - is it possible that, even though he is no doubt loving her company and I'm sure she has the very best of intentions, that he maybe gets a bit wound up and over excited? That happens with my DS and he does often have a big melt down afterwards (I always think about being a teenager and not knowing when to stop partying and imagine its a bit like that!?). There might not be much you can do about that except look out for it and feel assured that its not your fault.

The other is - have you read / heard about The Wonder Weeks? Its a book / app that tells you about baby developmental growth spurts i.e. times when they are learning new things and their brain is changing and at these times they can get really, really hard work. The book is based on 35 years of research and I find it insanely accurate and totally invaluable. Every time I hit a point when I think I am going mad with the strain I remember to check and sure enough its exactly the time he is expected to be like this. Therefore I know it will end soon. You can see more here: www.thewonderweeks.com/

Good luck!

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 27/03/2013 21:35

You can't cuddle a baby too much, of course you need the loo etc but apart from that, just sit on the sofa and cuddle! The teething will pass.

MorphsMum · 27/03/2013 21:40

My first baby wouldn't stand the pram - tried a sling? Lifesaving, you can read the paper, have a cup of tea (carefully!) AND hold baby with a sling!

Original poster

joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 21:51

Bvms i just downloaded the app for that and it said hes going through a fussy period and learning about distances :) that is so weird that its this exact week!

Thank you xx

OP posts:

CognitiveOverload · 27/03/2013 21:52

Contrary to popular belief, you are allowed to go to the toilet and leave him to cry. Ultimately your decision but imo at 6 months he does not need to held every minute of the day.

CognitiveOverload · 27/03/2013 21:53

At 6 months babies need to start exploring their surroundings...

MajaBiene · 27/03/2013 21:54

Of course you can put them down to go to the toilet! I don't think anyone has suggested otherwise.

MajaBiene · 27/03/2013 21:55

Babies need the secure attachment to their mothers it order to use her as a base for explorations...

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