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Original poster

6 month old hates me

63 replies

joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 20:45

Im a first time mum and My 6 month old is teething and crys with me like he crys with no one else. When its just us two in the house unless i entertain him all of the time he gets irritable then he wont let me put him down. Wants to be held all the time and screams when i put him down. It's making me think i don't give him enough good attention but sometimes i just want to have a minute to read a paper or make a cup of tea. Does that make me a crap mummy? Honestly? Then when i bring him to my mums hes all smiles and laughs and she says i dont know how lucky i am to have a good baby. Today he screamed cos i put him in the pram and walked for 20 mons. I couldnt lift him out cos it was snowing and he got in such a state and was sobbing, my mum was so shocked said dont let him cry like that. Its making me think he must just hate me :(

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Original poster
joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 21:56

C.O i dont think he should be held all the time either i think i should be trying to teach him to relax on his own in his jumper or highchair .It would stress us both out being permanently stuck to eachother. Im going back to work in june as well so hope he calms down.

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YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 27/03/2013 21:58

Cognitive - I think you are talking old fashioned nonsense, that 'babies cry to manipulate you into picking them up' stuff went out with the ark.

Once he's not teething he will want to explore, til then, what is nicer than a cuddle?

Iggly · 27/03/2013 21:58

Sorry cognitive but you make this baby sound manipulative Hmm

OP - try and get out of the house as much as you can. You don't have to constantly entertain your baby. I used to go out once a day for reasons of sanity.

Was he warm enough in the pushchair? It's bloody cold so needs wrapping up - imagine how cold you'd be if you sat down outside. So plenty of layers. Make sure he's fed too.

What are his naps like? He could be overtired hence the grumbles.

Iggly · 27/03/2013 22:01

Yellow said it better than me!

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 27/03/2013 22:02

Why does a 6mo need to relax on his own? Even if you are going to work he will be cared for by a responsive carer. Babies need to be responded to for a long time.

Original poster
joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 22:03

He fights his sleep a wee bit i try to catch the signs though.

he had just had a nap when he was crying today and had a load of blankets on and his cover n stuff up. Maybe once these two bottom teeth come up he will calm down.

OP posts:
jkklpu · 27/03/2013 22:07

Do you have a comfortable sling?

Original poster
joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 22:09

Yellow I want to help him feel relaxed sitting on his own because it will make life easier and happier for us both when he feels content to sit and play while i wash the bottles or what ever ineed to do imstead of a screaming match when i try to do something

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Original poster
joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 22:09

No jkk but i think ill invest in one

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YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 27/03/2013 22:14

But Joanna, this is a tiny phase, it will pass. He will feel better. But you can't make someone else relax! So just wait a bit, save yourself the stress, and try again in a week.

CognitiveOverload · 27/03/2013 22:15

Im not in any way saying he is manipulative. It is learned behaviour sometimes. I work with children in a psychological capacity.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 27/03/2013 22:16

It is still old fashioned nonsense even if you do work with children in a psychological cacpacity.

IMVHO.

CognitiveOverload · 27/03/2013 22:16

Op I agree with you. You know him, do what you feel works.

CognitiveOverload · 27/03/2013 22:17

Its evidence based.

Original poster
joanna1985 · 27/03/2013 22:17

Yeah maybe.

i dunno this is my first baby.. I just want him to stop crying at me and being nice to everyone else lol

OP posts:
CognitiveOverload · 27/03/2013 22:19

Its not easy... first child is always trial and error. But dont listen too much to us lot. Do what works for you both.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 27/03/2013 22:21

What evidence?

mummybare · 27/03/2013 22:24

You could try going down to baby's level and comforting/playing without picking him up to see if that helps him feel more comfortable and maybe realise that he can feel good and have your attention even when he's not being carried. I think this may have had a similar effect on DD when I had a bad shoulder and just couldn't physically carry her around all day. Might be worth a try? (If he's teething and in pain, he will probably only settle for a cuddle, but if he carries on crying to be picked up and nothing seems to be wrong, perhaps...)

CognitiveOverload · 27/03/2013 22:26

Do some reseach. Behavioural psychology.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 27/03/2013 22:28

Would you be kind enough to post the links since you know this stuff?

CognitiveOverload · 27/03/2013 22:40

I would love to spend time doing your research for you so that you can tell me its a load of rubbish...:). What you choose research and believe is up to you. I'm only here to give OP support. There's a lot of literature on learned behaviour. Antecedent, behaviour and consequence. ..abc of behaviour may get you started. Used routinely in schools, prisons, hospitals and with children who have SEN. Appears to apply at quite a basic level, even with animals. Its how our nervous systems have adapted to environmental stimuli. Again though, ultimately up to you what you believe.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 27/03/2013 22:48

Thanks for the tips.

Iggly · 28/03/2013 14:29

Behavioural pyschology for 6 month old babies Confused

Babies main way of communicating is by crying. So you respond by comforting. You don't think "oh that baby is trying to trick me into picking him/her up so I'll teach them" Hmm

Or maybe you do.

BlissfullyIgnorant · 28/03/2013 14:34

(((((You poor thing)))))

Try singing to him - something with the same rhythm as a heartbeat. He won't care if its out of tune, but he will like your voice.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 28/03/2013 15:51

Iggly - yes, I was hoping to be enlightened but the poster who knows all about this behavioural stuff doesn't want to elaborate.