My 4 month old won't sleep, help I need a routine that works!

[Maxandpops]

Ok, so I already have a 2 and a half year old, so you think I'd know what I was doing, right? Wong! My little girl was a dream, efficient feeder, if she was tired she would nap and is still very easy even with the occasional toddler tantrum! I took the laissez fair approach and it worked a charm, she naturally fell into a rhythm and things were wonderful.

My little boy on the other hand is a mystery! He is currently 19 weeks old, nearly 20. He barely sleeps in the day, unless we are out and about and in the car,then he sleeps for England! He feeds approx every 3-4 hours, but sometimes this can be closer together(I'm on demand breast feeding). The worst part is and this is the part that is sending me over the edge after 4 months, is he cluster feeds at night, so I an sometimes start feeding at 7 and he won't go down until 10! Then he normally wakes At 3am then 7 am, but rentals he's been waking a lot more.

Someone please help, as I am beginning to lose it!

Will buying the gina ford CLB book help at this late stage??.

I also need a routine that fits around my 2 and a half year old, she goes to bed at 7ish and is fed at about 530ish. 4 nights a week I am on my own, as hubby works away.

Help! I am feeling overwhelmed

For me being prepared for the evening feeding marathon by having all my daytime work done and letting dh do bedtime with the older kids and literally sitting on the couch until ds finished worked - a good box set, book or laptop helped me strugge through . He started going down himself from 8 - 11 at about 5.5 months then up for a quick feed and bring him to bed with me and off to sleep. Co sleeping in the night worked too latch him on and back to sleep. Hope you get sorted soon. I am not a Gina fan so I cannot help you there.

We used baby wise. My sister is dead against as she has read all these horrible stories from mothers who take it to the extreme and their little ones end up with this and that syndrome (her latest rant is about flat head syndrome) but i find you pick an choose bits of advice that works for you- kind of defeats the purpose of a plan but this is how we did it. Good luck!!

Sorry missed that about your dh but I would still say get everything that needs doing done before 6:30, do your bedtime for your dd and ds then hit the couch for the cluster feeds. I always made a safe spot I could put ds down on if he did nod off for a stint which often happened but other than that he sat on me feeding. I brought his moses basket down and then used a travel cot once he outgrew the moses basket it only lasted maybe 6 weeks or so after he was out of the moses basket. I found the stints he slept for grew longer and then I was able to put him upstairs once they were long enough there was no point before that or I wold have been up and down like a yo yo.

His sleep actually sounds pretty good for a 4month old (worst time for baby sleep IMO). Routines work for some babies and not for others. I've had friends have success with GF but they weren't bfing. Personally I'd wait until your baby is a bit older and then sleep train but I know that's not everyone's cup of tea.

Please don't use babywise.

No. He doesn't sleep well for a four month old, I think it sounds like he is causing a lot of hard work! It must be exhausting, you poor thing. Good for you for seeking ways to improve things.
It sounds to me like you've got a hungry boy. First thing I would do is have feeds at 3 hourly intervals, max 3.5. Also any daytime naps longer than 1 hr 45 go in and gently rouse him in his cot. daytime sleep is great, but too much can rob night time sleep. He should be having three naps a day, one longish one in the middle of the day and two short ones (morning and afternoon). Lastly, (and I know it's not the done thing on MN) have a think about how dearly you hold exclusive bf'ing. Reason being that the cluster feeding is exhausting you, and you need time to recover and unwind in the evening. Also your breastmilk is lower supply and quality at night because you've burned calories during the day that don't make it into your milk. Consider introducing a bottle at night, at 7pm ish. Should set him up for a longer sleep. Equally, you could pump the milk for the bottle feed first thing in the morning if you wanted to. bottles are quite good ways of getting a big feed in before bed. plus, if you are returning to work or want to go out at night its useful to have a baby that takes a bottle. I really feel for you OP, nothing like tiredness to take the shine off life, eh? Good luck

Routine might be (loose timing):
7am first feed for baby while toddler has breakfast or watches telly
815am first nap for baby (1hour ish)
10am feed while toddler has morning tea
12 pm nap (1 hr 45 mins ish)
2 pm feed
4pm nap (30 mins or 45 mins)
5pm feed while toddler eats dinner
Bath both children together and put pjs on
645 toddler has bedtime story while you bf
7pm toddler in bed, give baby bottle then bedtime for him