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Original poster

Mumsnet behaviour-is it a police state?

499 replies

talktalk · 04/05/2006 14:18

Hello, I've been lurking on Mumsnet for some time now but finally decided to post having been horrified at the reception that some people have received.

I always assumed that, within reason, mumsnet would be a place for parents/carers to come and, mostly anonymously, discuss their concerns. Over the last few weeks I have seen some ghastly behaviour from mns against innocent posts.
Are some of you out there assuming the mantle of "mumsnet police" and if so should you not announce that fact?

Why are people so aggressive? I've researched some of the more aggressive posters and it seems that there is a pattern to their behaviour.
If you disagree with a post or challenge its viewpoint perhaps you should just make it known and move on-berating people for their view or concern seems wrong to me.

There are lovely people on mumsnet and its such a shame that there are others who seem to get too busy and bully people into submission when they don't agree with them Sad

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TaiTai · 06/05/2006 15:12

And Greensleeves, if you mean me when you refer to aggressive posters - I did apologise to you, I hope you accept it. I genuinely wasn't thinking of you and wouldn't want to offend you.

zippitippitoes · 06/05/2006 15:14

That's interesting stg

I didn't realise that was the reason...on that m&b site you linked to the other day they semed to have just introduced moderators for legal reasons..

I just thought that when someone came on and said i am moderating.have my hat on people respected their intervention

Greensleeves · 06/05/2006 15:16

Yes, I accept it - no big deal. Although I'm not terribly fond of apologies of the "Well X and X and X but I'm sorry" ilk Grin

I'm not bothered about that, I just wish you hadn't tried to rake up an argument which had finished and cause more ill-feeling. And I did mean you in my (rather ill-considered) remark, because I think you are being a bit aggressive.

I will now drift away because this thread doesn't need to be endlessly bumped by people trying to have the last word Wink

SaintGeorge · 06/05/2006 15:17

zippi - some people would respect the 'mod hat' Smile but not others. In fact it was very rare that a mod would go as far as to change their posting name to include the title. Either threads were calmed down before that point was reached, or MN would have pulled the posts/threads in question.

The other site in question has mods that can amend/delete posts. We couldn't do that. Different legal issue.

Marina · 06/05/2006 15:22

As StG says here, and bumped just now by Weatherwax, \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1374&threadid=168372\Explanation from MNHQ} scroll down past silliness to see.
I think there are lots of us who quietly report possibly controversial threads and certainly abusive posts, still...whether or not we were ever mods.
I still feel very strongly about
Giving new posters the benefit of the doubt
Not saying anything on advice sought threads if you can't say something constructive and helpful
Trying to be kind and sympathetic wherever you can
I love the diversity and repartee that is part of Mn, I think it makes it special, but I have always felt very uncomfortable about troll-finding and piling in.

TaiTai · 06/05/2006 15:28

Greensleeves, I wasn't trying to rake up an argument, I'd just come across the MN troll policy and I thought I'd refer to it because it seemed relevent. It says just what Marina has said now. I'm sorry you weren't keen on how I worded my first apology. I did give you a second without you asking. You don't seem to have accepted it gracioussly and that's fine.

TaiTai · 06/05/2006 15:29

out of interest, what was the legal technicality that lead to moderators being removed?

TaiTai · 06/05/2006 15:33

sorry, just read the link Marina posted and know what the legal technicality was.

PanicPants · 06/05/2006 17:56

Fattiemumma - sorry if I upset you reporting the post, and tbh I wouldn't have said anything if someone else hadn't mentioned it first.

I didn't even look to see who had posted it, other than I didn't recognise the name straight off. I felt that mn should be aware of it thats all, and obviously you are genuine and I'm really sorry if it's hurt or offended you.

I was obviously over zealous and probably won't ever report another post on here - ever!

Tortington · 06/05/2006 18:03

i cant be arsed lobbying - in fact i#m not right bothered about the whole subject actually. - which doesnt mean i am not entitled to an opinion.

you are putting together both subject and your particular posts which are quite different to me.

whilst i refered to the former ( subject) it does not annoy or anger me enough to do anything about it. that does not preclude me from an opinion.

however your posting on the subject and the partic way you have gone about it - a truce - make friends then just add a little bit on telling your your opinion again i just had to post.

i did say i recognised your opinion. and i do. it seems however you refuse absolute to recognise anyone elses.

fattiemumma · 06/05/2006 18:05

i still havent reda the thread completly..only as far as my post was mentioned.

i dont know about the other threads reffered to. i dont know why my post was reported, to be honest i didn't think it was offensive and maybe i am incredibly naive but i just cant see why it caused such suspicion...i really dont know what anyone thought i would be achieving as a "troll" by posting it. Confused

i do however think that hey if you think a child is in any danger or that any of my posts may cause a chil;d to be in danger then by all menas go report me.
i have nothing to hide and will be happy to assist in any investigation or whatever. if by doing so then a child is helped from a situation or the situation is prevented then great.

I just got upset as i was still very confused about what had happened and, as i explained i was worried about what had casued it...thus bringing up a lot of other emotions i clearly havent dealt with very well.

im probably rambling right now so please dont jump on me as im not having a go at anyone in particular. just saying that depsite not understanding why i am happy for it to be reported if its for the greater good an all that.

i woudl just like to add that NO im not a troll...i have tried to post as often as i can to prove that, i havent changed my name as i dont see why i should, i am going to a meet soon so you can all judge me in person then!

PanicPants · 06/05/2006 18:39

FM - thats great.

I reported it because I felt if it wasn't genuine then it was written in such a way that it aroused suspicion (in me anyway). I think it was the exclamation marks and wiping his fingers bit.

I'm really sorry FM, I really hope it hasn't put you off posting similiar threads. I made a mistake and I admit that.

UCM · 06/05/2006 18:47

Oh FM, so glad to see you, don't go an talk about pegbags as there is a limit to what can be said. I have posted an apology further down.

UCM · 06/05/2006 18:47

Oh FM, so glad to see you, don't go an talk about pegbags as there is a limit to what can be said. I have posted an apology further down.

Caligula · 06/05/2006 18:49

Sorry I've just caught up with this thread and am confused. Why is it dangerous to post about that subject?

No one knows our names, identities, or children. Why would it be dangerous to ask for advice?

bovverboots · 06/05/2006 23:17

This reply has been deleted

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sansouci · 06/05/2006 23:34

I'll never forget how I was gunned down for my double-parking incident. And my problem wasn't with the parking, it was the row with the teacher. Whew! It's a bit like being the kid everyone picks on at school.

Harpsichordcarrier · 06/05/2006 23:38

yes sansouci that was GRIM wasn't it
really horrible

TheREALMytwopenceworth · 06/05/2006 23:42

bloody hell fire, if things carry on like this we are all going to have to turn up to mn meets armed!

everyone is entitled to express themselves. thats kind of the point of a place like this.

now can we agree to disagree where needed, have a group hug and sit round a fire toasting marshmallows and singing kum ba yah?

expatinscotland · 06/05/2006 23:43

If you don't like it, bovver, why are you still here?

Sorry I'm not fuzzy wuzzy enough for your tastes.

No, I take that back. I don't apologise for being who I am.

There are thousands of parenting sites on the net, if one obviously seems to upset you so much, why hang around?

And for all this talk about having bollocks, you went and changed your name to post your tirade.

Whatever [rolls eyes].

sansouci · 06/05/2006 23:44

crumbs, expat! keep your hair on, old girl.

expatinscotland · 06/05/2006 23:46

i LOVE my hair, just had it cut today.

sans, i don't get angry or emotional or upset about a net forum, b/c it's just that - one net forum among millions.

so no need to assume i'm being wound up over this, i'm curious as to why someone would hang round a site they obviously find so disagreeable.

sansouci · 06/05/2006 23:49

MN is the best, of course. Grin

bovverboots · 06/05/2006 23:51

i hang around because for all the snobby cows on here who aren't welcoming to newbies (and btw there is a big diff btw being 'fuzzy wuzzy' and simply not making a sarcastic comment about new people), there are great people on here who i have met and like very much. no, i didn't have the bollocks to keep my real name. that is different though from not having the bollocks to apologise when you made a mistake, and i always do that. StGeorge didn't have to do even say sorry, she could have just not replied. "Didn't get confused", my arse! Not remembering properly IS getting confused.

And sansouci, you live abroad, right? If so, I did see your thread about parking and the response, you poor thing. It's a shame that people who aren't well established on here and haven't had the chance to build up goodwill with the regulars (and I don't know whether that applies to you sansouci or not) get shot down when they pipe up, because they don't yet have friends on here to stick up for them.

cataloguequeen · 06/05/2006 23:55

WTF...Why do people have to leave!! was this a personal attack on you Expat?? If you want to express yourself that's fine but you don't own this site!!