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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Think my DD is being labelled the naughty one...

26 replies

becks5109 · 03/05/2006 10:53

I dropped in to a friends yesterday on my own to drop off a present for one of DD's friends birthdays. Their nanny was there and when I mentioned DD's name she said "oh yes I've heard all about her". Stayed for a while and the mother came home and mentioned she had told the nanny all about my DD and some of her naughty stories. My DD is very boisterious and lively and can get a bit overexcited at times but to be honest most of the time I enjoy the fact that she is spirited and has a real spark. She can be quite a handful at times too but I assume thats all part of having a nearly 2 year old. I do find myself being envious of my friends whose children of the same age seem very well behaved and don't throw wobblies. Does anyone else feel that their child has been labelled?

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katycakes · 03/05/2006 14:36

Absolutely becks,my ds2 21months is a little monkey,into everything especially things he shouldn t be!I like to think that he s just a spirited child but other people are always implying that he s naughty.I worry that the older he gets he is going to start acting up to it ie if people assume i m naughty then i may as well act it!
its hard though as I get really over protective with him its ok for me to say he s a monkey but I really don t like it when other people agree.Crazy I know1

UKmum4 · 03/05/2006 14:59

I would describe three of my children as full of character. certainly lively and spirited. I have a friend with a very easy, uquestioning daughter. She once said to me. " its all very well but you have to think about what kind of adult they will make - wouldn't you rather have the pluck and unconventional questioning adult?" Really kind of her I thought, and as they get older (dd1 is now 10) I am!
Katycakes I am with you - I call ds2 a spoilt monkey but would be furious if anyone else said it!

Northerner · 03/05/2006 15:24

Hi Becks, my ds is 4 and a bit of a handful and I know other people think that too! He is boisterous, head strong, stubborn and curious, but also funny, a real entertainer, adventorous, loyal, loving and adorable.

I like to call him a spirited child, but am well aware that when he starts schhol this year if his energy's are not channelled correctly he may well be labelled a 'naughty' child. I will do my utmost to ensure this does not happen.

Original poster

becks5109 · 03/05/2006 19:37

Yes i'm hoping once she starts school the spiritedness will turn to some channelled learning and she'll be considered bright and inquisitive instead of naughty! Its good to know i'm not alone though! Katycakes my mum said to me that maybe I shouldn't be so quick to tell people she's a naughty monkey as then they just assume she is really naughty when in fact she is lively and spirited. However am in kitchen and can hear OH tellinmg her "that's naughty" so she's obviously displaying her "spirited character" as I type!!!

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fullmoonfish · 03/05/2006 19:56

Hello Becks - I had the proverbial labelled 'naughty' child. Northerner, he sounds a lot like your ds - good description :)
He is now very happy, bright and settled at school, popular and the teacher actually likes him a lot [big beaming proud emoticom]
And most satisfying of all, the mother at preschool who was always sounding off about how 'naughty' my son was, well her son is proving a real handful at school and although I'm not gonna label him anything, he keeps being sent to the headmaster...:)
My ds's preschool leader told me she'd rather have one like mine than a too-docile 'blob'.
That's not to say we didn't work very hard to try and clamp down on the more undesirable behaviour but trying to keep the 'spirit' in tact, IFSWIM.

izzybiz · 04/05/2006 10:42

My DD is 2 in a weeks time, and has always been very lively. She is the one that will let EVERYONE know if shes not happy!
I dont think she is really naughty, i still think shes a bit young, but some of Dps family members are always saying things, like "better not upset Izzy" etc. I do get quite protective sometimes, i think they can forget she is only very little.
She also happens to be extremely loving, gentle with other little ones, and hilariously funny!
I think shes perfect!!

hotmama · 04/05/2006 10:48

I'd rather have a spirited lo than one who wouldn't say boo to a goose IYSWIM!

Northerner · 07/05/2006 08:44

We went to a birthdya party yesterday and they were playing pass the parcel, my ds wasn't content sitting, so he was in the middle of the circle dancing, pulling funny faces and saying silly things. The other kids thought he was hilarious and were absolutley wetting themselves, a few mums were saying how lovely he was and how he's definatley going to be on the stage one day! Because he had an audience he wasn't listening to teh lady when she asked him to sit down, and one smug mum said 'He may be a clown now, but it won't wash when he goes to school, he have to listen then'

I just said 'he will listen at school, but right now he's at a party having fun'

fullmoonfish · 07/05/2006 09:39

what a miserable cowbag that other mum must be! (good answer by the way...I usually think of ripostes half an hour later :) )

Nikkinoo · 07/05/2006 10:00

my dd has spirit I love it as challenging as it is at times! as hard as it is when people refer to her as a 'madam', which she is not. its a sense of homour that i know will stand her in good stead for the future.

TBH spirit is always frowned upon more in girls than boys. which really pisses me off.

sparklemagic · 07/05/2006 10:17

I think it's a sign of having good parents actually!

I know 2 girls who have NO spirit whatsoever, I've never heard them express an opinion - because since birth they have been leapt on and disciplined so hard for ANY behaviour, that they are basically squashed.

So well done those with spirited kids, it's a sign their personalities have been valued and nurtured.

Obviously a compliant child can be born rather than made, before anyone leaps on me! One of my best friends has a very helpful, compliant, quiet girl and that's just how she is. But in SOME cases, it does come as a result of over sontrolling parenting....With the two girls I mentioned before, I can't wait to see what happens when they hit their teens...surely there'll be ructions..

Pinotmum · 07/05/2006 10:22

I remember one mum aying to e about dd "you've got your hands full there". All dd was doing was being silly outside Nursery dancing and laughing so hard I thought she'd wet her pants. I was a little upset but didn't let on. Dd is now in Reception and still hs her spirit thank god but is a good listener and is doing really well and is known and liked by everyone (well nearly everyone ). I agree I'd rather a spirited child than a blob

Greensleeves · 07/05/2006 10:25

I'm always getting little remarks like "Phew, you've got your hands full there!". I take it as a compliment. DS1 is ebullient, cheeky, noisy, bumptious - a proper little smart-arse and full of charm. And I was a pain in the arse at school too. He comes from a long and noble line of pains in the arse . I'd much rather have him than one of these pallid, monosyllabic, passive little puddings that I see creeping in and out of the nursery with their fingers in their mouths and their eyes barely focussed.

sparklemagic · 07/05/2006 10:28

agree, greensleeves and pinot!

Can't resist this example from the squashed girls I know - we went to the beach together one day, and when we arrived, one of the girls got out of the car and, excited to be at the beach, began to jig about and make little kiddy type noises - within TWO SECONDS the mother was saying in a loud, stern voice "DD1, DON'T BE SO SILLY, STOP IT"

Nikkinoo · 07/05/2006 11:09

just got back from my mums who said about my 4 year old girl, that im gonna have problems with my daughter when shes 12. that is coming from her grandmother ffs, felt like telling my mum to eff off, but just pitied her narrow mindedness at not seeing her qualities.

I tell my girls (even tho my youngest is 8 mo) that they can be anything they want that the worlds is theirs, so maybe I have encouraged her strong mindedness if that is the case- result.

sparklemagic · 07/05/2006 11:20

nikki, shame your mum thinks that way! But I still think allowing your child to have their own spirit means you are much LESS likely to have problems when they are 12, partly because they always feel valued for who they are so have less to rebel against!

With my DS the only time I stop him short is if I feel he is being rude to someone - I want him to be spirited but I don't confuse that with him being able to say what he likes to who he likes. he still has to learn the rules of politeness!!

Nikkinoo · 07/05/2006 11:26

i know she knocked my spirit out of me IYSWIM and always says youre mum wouldnt have behaved like this when she was a little girl, yes because i was scared of her.

However, i unfderstand she has her own demons i fear that i will be having a conversation where i make it clear that DD cant visit if she continues to put her down (she also called her a little shit) my son cant do no wrong as cant my baby daughter. However she says she hopes that my baby stays good and placid unlike her sis, this makes me feel very

Northerner · 07/05/2006 11:44

Yes, people will always say to me 'ooh you have your hands full' even strangers. It's funny isn't it? My ds is not naughty for the sake of being naughty, he is a cheeky imp, but I also make sure he is polite and kind to people. School in September should be intersting......

sparklemagic · 07/05/2006 12:10

my thoughts exactly northerner!!!! How on earth will the schools deal with children like this!

Have to say one of my concerns is that my DS will be squashed to fit the system, and lose his fantastic confidence...

Miaou · 07/05/2006 12:40

I have a dd aged 7.5 who has been labelled (correctly at times ) as the "naughty one" - she is spirited, giddy and unfortunately easily led! However she has lots of good qualities which are seen by her teacher at school. We are fortunate that her teacher (who she will have until she goes to high school) recognises what prompts her naughty behaviour and is great at challenging and motivating her, without "crushing" her spirit. She has an older sister who is her complete opposite (very quiet) and has in the past been compared unfavourably to her. But I love the fact that my girls are so different

fullmoonfish · 07/05/2006 16:07

there were 3 from my preschool (DS2) included who all went into the same class last september, who were all 'very spirited' (and interestingly all the same star sign). We mothers actually went and pre-warned the teacher that although individually they were lovely kids (well,) she might need to keep them apart a little. All 3 are still very boisterous and sparky but are 'diluted' by the mix in class of other lively ones, quiet ones, puddings, and little Mr and mrs Perfects. Our three have all made different sorts of friends and have all settled down pretty well. Also in reception, there are usually loads of classrom assistants and parent helpers so plenty of support and attention for the kids.
By the way Northerner, just being plain nosey, but which school is your ds going to? (You can just give me a street name, if you don't want to say on here.)

Twiglett · 07/05/2006 16:35

2 year olds don't get labels that stick

not unless its a bunch of first-timers

don't worry you'll laugh about it in 3 or 4 years time

(hate 'spirited' children btw .. round here its invariably a phrase which means 'lack of parameters')

tegan · 07/05/2006 19:25

becks5109 I have exactly the same problem with my 2 yr dd.
Everyone has branded her naughty and unruly but she is very clever and is much more advanced than the other kids her age so I can't wait for their kids to go through the same stages and then they might realise how unfair they have been

Northerner · 09/05/2006 16:11

Hi FullMoon Fish. The school is on Bilton Lane, C of E school.

Where does yours go?

fullmoonfish · 09/05/2006 17:58

well, yours was my top choice but at the time (4 years ago,) we didn't tick enough christian boxes! Both mine go to the c of e one near the library (with the wanky psuedo-private school uniform options - see aspirational toiletries thread for details )

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