Argh! DS driving me nuts!

[dazedandconfused]

DS (nearly 3) seems to spend all his time hitting, pushing, biting and throwing things at DD (aged 15 months). I know there's a jealousy thing there, and have been really trying to give him my undivided attention whenever I can (eg DD's nap times) but it just never seems to be enough. Today he has driven me to distraction, and he's been in his room to cool down about 5 times. I feel as though we're getting into a negative cycle, and I'm getting really angry with him at the drop over small things. This is all made much worse by the fact that DH has had a virus for about 3 weeks now, and hasn't been able to help much as he's feeling so rough. What can I do to make things easier?

My mum is staying with us and I am findidng my 3 years olds behavour much worse as she tells him 'not to' all the time, where I try to difuse a situation. If he snatches a toy off his little brother I dont snap'Dont do that give it back' I say'Find him something else now' and usually that works he then makes a fuss about the toy he has found for his little brother and enjoys watching him play. so if its a help your not on your own! and just try not to tell him off too much as I think it makes it worse!

I am mum to one three old girl...I really sympathise with mums with younger ones. My friend has 3 y/o dd who often tries to intimidate or smack 10 month old younger sister. And in fact, my own ddd will also try to 'experimentally' smack this poor baby if she gets a chance!
I think it is a 'three thing'.My girl is absoultely horrible in most situations with her peers - won't share, pushes and shoves, tries to tell me to 'make other kids get off the swing' (or whatever) so she can have it to herself. Perhaps this is the effect of being only child to a single mum. I am positive that if I had another child it would be a nightmare. And my own mother tells me that when I was 3 and she had my younger brother I was a right little beast....used to run past her and pinch her while she was trying to breastfeed the younger child, and so on.
I don't think there's anything abnormal about your 3 y/o's behaviour, in other words. If he's sick, of course that will make him cross. If I were you, I would make sure he is medicated with cold/flu medicine if he needs it (there are infant versions of such meds over the counter...believe me, a runny nose can make a toddler very irritable indeed, since they can't blow their own noses properly and therefore can't breathe with ease!). Perhaps take him to doc and see if he needs anti-biotics. Get his ears checked as well....my dd is very prone to ear infections and she is completely unmanageable when she has 'frogs' in her ears.

It's definitely a three thing. Went through it with DS1 and DS2 is now starting. I'm helped now though by the that he's a pre-school five days a week so he get the social interaction that helps overcome this developmental "assertive phase". I think from personal experience that it is just their way of pushing the boundaries again as they become more little people than baby and three is so hard. You want to do everything yet your body still has limitations. The naughty step is great. Separation works although I agree then can drive you to complete distraction. You will get there and suddenly he'll seem so big. Do you have a tumble tots or something less expensive you could take him too, leaving dd with your DH. One on one time is normally a great respite cure for you both.

dazed, it is most definitely a three thing! My DS is doing all the things you mention, and luckily for me he is an only child so he can't focus his attention on a younger one.....

This week he discovered head-butting to add another string to his bow; we bumped heads by accident and I literally saw the evil glint come into his eye as he came back for another go

I think time out when you need it is fine, to cool off and as a consequence for the really bad stuff. Just focus on keeping your cool, keeping control of yourself so that he doesn't have the power to make you too stressed, as this will hopefully have the effect of stopping it becoming an ever worsening cycle...

It's a phase, we've just got to keep going through it...

My ds is only two and three months but sounds like all of yours without the younger sibling(althought this will change in September). Nightmare today as he is so unpredictable. One minute he is an angel and the next he is hitting or pushing someone and as you say I swear he gets an evil glint in his eye. Two starngers told me he was naughty today although at the time he wasn't that bad. Typical two year old I thought. But I wonder if I was wrong but at least you are all out there as well so it is not just mine. At home we take way toys after appropraite warnings etc which seems to work weel but when out we are stuck. Hope he eventually grows out of it and I can stop repeating myself fifty times a day.

Thanks for your help. It's good to know that there are others experiencing something similar. I'm determined to get today off to a more positive start!