Is this a stage or is my ds (2) always going to be a

[BernieBear]

My ds has just turned 2 and doesn't like other children of his age or younger, in fact he appears scared of them as he shies away from them. I am a single mum and don't have any other children, however he is fine in everyday surroundings i.e. he goes to childminder for three 1/2 days aweek whilst I work and is quite content there with the other children (all over three) however when I take him swimming, mums and toddlers, play centre he will not let go of me, let alone play (unless of course I play with him) He allows himself to be "bullied" i.e. pushed off things, having his toys taken away by others - I hate to see it, but do not make an "issue" of it as I don't won't him to have a hang up about it. He has very regular contact with this Father and stays with him every other weekend and he has noticed it too. Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong? How should I deal with it? I am recovering from PND so getting out alot is important to both of us, so going out to playtimes, swimming etc is nothing new or abnormal. Anyone?

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BernieBear can't offer any advice, but he is only just 2, and it's a big scary world out there You sound like you're doing everything right, and I suspect as his confidence grows he'll venture away further away from you. My ds2 (2 years)is a monster toddler, but take him to a new situation, he will stand silently by my side for at least half an hour, just watching. Once he has checked everything/one out, off he goes!!

I really try hard not to use the word "shy" to describe him, and tell people who say

"Oh he's a shy wee thing, isn't he?"

"No he's not shy, he just likes to check things out!!"

Don't know if that helps in any way at all!!

Thanks for replying, I know what you mean maybe I do expect too much from him right now. It is just a surprise really as he is so active, and playful at home (too much so sometimes ) that his reaction when out is a little worrying. To be honest I wasn't worried until his father brought the subject up....maybe I shouldn't worry anymore!

Bernie, he sounds like my ds2 who is completely wild at home and with people he knows.

Berniebear, my DS - now 3.5- was similiar, still is at times too, but he has grown a lot in the last year and is now more likely to go and play when we go out to a play centre etc. I think it's partly his character and partly just getting older.

Last summer he went thru a phase of not going go on a slide in a playground if there was anyone on it already, and would try to get off is another child started to climb up behind him! we didn't say anything and after a few months he stopped doing it.

DS is an only child too, goes to a childminders when I work and he has really got to know the other children there and plays with them (though I don't see that unfortunately!)

So you could just carry on not making an issue of it and assume it's partly his character and partly due to him getting older and more aware of the world outside.

I too don't like to use the word 'shy' about him.

I had this with my daughter. It's a stage. She grew out of it, and is now an outgoing, confident six year old. Don't push him; he will grow out of this too.

My dd is exactly the same age as your ds and is like this as well. She's been going to nursery since she was 7 mo, so is well used to other children. I think it's just part of her charcter.

I was very shy as a child as well but my Mum made a big deal of it and was quite embarressed about it, she'd get quite angry and snappy with me about it 'Oh, fgs, pull yourself together' etc etc. I think that reaction turned it into a big deal for me and knocked my self confidence.

At the moment I'm concentrating on giving dd a sense of security and letting her know that I'm here if she wants me. I gently encourage her to go and do her own thing but don't force it. Generally speaking after 30 mins or so in a new situation she relaxes and is happy to go off by herself.

Thank you so much for your posts. Sometimes it is just nice to know that you are doing the right thing and that you are not alone. I will, from now on, ensure that other people's concerns about his socialising or lack of it, do not affect me or my ds. Funny how he is not embarrassed about having tantrums in public