she is absolutely resistant - doesn't dress herself (or even try), brush hair, or brush teeth (even though she can). We have just had 20 minutes of howling because we suggested that she learn how to undo the buttons on her coat. Cue 'I can't do it, I can't do it', even though we were patiently showing her how. She won't do anything that she thinks is difficult or hard, which seems to include anything involving any kind of effort. She is perfectly capable, although quite tricky to handle - this particular incident ended up with her yelling 'you're being mean to me'. She also gets upset if things aren't done according to her idea of how they should go - and yes, we give her limited choices, plenty of praise, clear boundaries with direct consequences etc.
She is in nursery and they have no difficulties with her