How do I stop this secret eating?

[dontcallmehon]

I'm at the end of my tether. The dc have a healthy diet, not too strict as in they can have the odd treat. They get juice at nana's house or when we're out, otherwise we stick to water or milk.

However, 6 year old dd1 will binge on any sweet food she finds. She will climb on chairs to get to it and generously shares her cache with dd2 and ds. I usually find the evidence: wrappers etc, stashed away. We don't buy much sweet food and much of it has been bought by well meaning relatives. Not wanting to throw food away, I hide it, to be dished out in small quantities when appropriate. Dd1 always finds it and eats it all. She will binge on apples even, the 3 of them eat every single piece till they are gone. They are very sneaky about it and manage not to be caught somehow!

I am desperately worried, as dd1 and 2 now have dental cavities and ds has discoloration on his back teeth. I brush three times a day. They use a children's mouthwash. I have told and told dd1 that she will damage her teeth. All to no avail.

I have stopped buying apples. We bought a melon instead, so they can't gorge on it. They ate a full pack of strawberries I bought an hour ago. I promise you that they are supervised, but there are three of them and I can't be everywhere at once. I just don't know what to do. We contemplated locking the kitchen and fridge, but it would have to be a padlock or dd1 would figure it out.

I had bulimia in my teens, I'm worried dd1 will go the same way. I'm worried about their teeth. I don't have chocolates in the house, but I can't ban fruit!

This situation probably feels worse because of being at home over Christmas and the general greater quantities of food being around over, I guess.

I don't know. My first reaction is to say put a lock on one of the kitchen cupboards and put all goodies in there. Explain to your children why you have done this and what the procedure will be for them having them eg on Saturdays or whatever you decide. Also that there is now a rule that people do not help themselves from the kitchen without permission, and decide what you want the consequences for that rule being broken and carry them out.

I think tbh I would also change the not buying much sweet food to not buying any for a while until new habits are instilled.

Is this too obvious - sorry if it is?

Also try upping their protein intake so that blood sugar is more constant so they should experience fewer cravings.

How are you now OP? Are you worried about eating issues still? Do you feel the need to control food?
I'm not asking to be mean, it just occurred to me that the DC might be struggling with how little control they have over food, that they don't get to choose things themselves and if they do, the consequences might be dire, cavities, extra tooth brushing, guilt over dental treatment etc. it seems they might be trying to regain control and the reason for the binging is so that they get to have it before you notice and take it away. This worries me more than their apparent sweet tooth.

That's a good idea, regarding protein. I will get a padlock and yes, chocolate is totally banned for now. I am going to ask school
Not to distribute sweets to them at birthdays, as it is every week nearly!

I just worry it is not normal, as I don't know any other dc who do this. I am so embarrassed when we go to the dentist.

I am ok, I do the 5:2 diet (see thread!) but otherwise eat normally. I am not controlling over what the dc eat, they have always been allowed access to the fruit bowl at all times (until the binges began) and eat ice cream, cakes, choc as treats. I am controlling now, as I don't know what else to do!

Any other ideas? Should I carry on as I am, or am I making it worse?

Oh gosh that sounds very stressful OP. I very little personal experience of this yet but my own toddler discovered chocolate over Christmas and it has precipitated her first bout of awful tantrums when she can't get it. I don't want up ban food but she is in a terrible habit already. My opinion is that you should definitely consider throwing food away that has been gifted to you (anything goes for stress reduction IMO). I would also warn against a padlock for a food cupboard - it just sends the message that food is dangerous, better to allow this phase to pass and limit the sweet stuff in the house. As for asking school not to give sweets to your children on birthdays that will really draw attention them and make them feel even more focused on gaining the sweet stuff they want. I would just let that go as its a small gain (no sweetie once a week) for what could be a big scene. I'm so sorry that I've said more about what not to do than what to actually do but I felt so strongly when I read about the padlock. Pleeease don't do it! You are working hard to do right by your girls, keep going - I think it will pass.

Yes, I agree thinking about it. I knew there was a reason I hadn't bought a lock yet. I'm wondering if buying individual fruit bags and freezing them might work for lunch boxes.

I don't know your background OP, but EightToSixer might be onto something. I do think that children who are denied treats or sweet things (or are generally quite restricted when it comes to what they are allowed to eat) are the most likely to go a bit crazy when it's available.

Like I said I haven't read any of your previous threads, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

I'm not saying a child should be allowed unrestricted access to shite Haribo, but I'm inclined to think that your reaction - i.e. denying them even MORE - will only make them more greedy/rebellious/whatever.

Do you offer a dessert with the main meal? I don't have a lot of experience with this as son is only a toddler but I remember really enjoying desserts as a child. If they have a portion of ice cream/jelly/crumble etc after dinner or a penguin/mini bar/fromage frais etc after lunch every day then it may reduce cravings at other times. It means that you can control the portion, they will eat it fairly quickly just after other eating (it is grazing that causes cavities) and sweet food will be normalised and legitimised (instead of being naughty and thus something to hide/binge on). I think that they may be too young to process the explanations about teeth etc and it could encourage the binging (when impulse control fails they feel guilty and think 'I may as well go for it now'). Good luck!

Do they get enough to eat at mealtimes? I think you need to check that they're not hungry, before you start hiding and rationing food. I also disagree with the lock on the door and the message it sends. Can you give them savoury snacks, like cheese, or unsweetened cereal in unlimited quantities instead of fruit, or even cut up carrots and peppers for them?

I think what you are over thinking this, I am a greedy person with an inability to say no to whatever I fancy. As a child I ran an illicit tuck shop primarily to fund my gluttony. Parents modelled healthy eating and were sensible with food. Go figure. I was always slim but grew at speed. I don't think they ever really appreciated how bloody hungry I was. Am now just at top end of my bmi, for the first time ever but only gave birth a few weeks ago and have had some restrictions o n my mobility from some complications. My greed certainly hasn't blighted my life but I would never have made a ballerina.

Anyway, I don't want to make a greedy bugger like me but some may just be born and limiting normal sweets hands out at school, the odd chocolate bar or ice cream is draconian and more likely, I think, to encourage the behaviours you dislike. Is it possible your eldest is just hungry ime six year olds can suddenly massively up their intake to more adult portions.

If one child is stealing food, that's a possible behaviour issue.

If they are all stealing food, they are underfed.

Give them much, much bigger meals. Plenty of meat, cheese, eggs and fish, vegetables and lots of carbs.

It isn't normal to ration fruit. Please don't do that.

Pease don't padlock food away, please don't make them the only kids in the class to be banned from birthday sweets, "every week" is not excessive sweets. Please try not to over react. Their behave only seems odd if you assume they aren't hungry. If you assume they ARE hungry, their behaviour is suddenly thrown into perspective, and is shown to be normal.

Your six year old needs 1800 calories a day. That is only 200 fewer than what you need.

I think you are right to be concerned I certainly would be but I also think padlock on cupboards sounds extreme, and could cause worse problems than you have now. Binging behavior is a reaction to too-strict limitations. (I am using this word because you have -- I don't necessarily think a child that sneaks sweets is "binging.")

Take a look at their overall diets and see if they are getting enough of the major food groups. Offering them a generous (very nutritious but also appetizing!) snack both morning and afternoon, with thorough teeth brushing afterwards, would be preferable to binging or locking the cupboards. At meal- and snacktimes, I would let them eat their fill of whatever was on offer and then not allow them anything in between, although without locking anything up. I know this is what you are trying to do but I think it's worth seeing if they will sneak less if they eat more at meals/planned snacks.

I would definitely not have them singled out in school.

I have used Ellyn Satter's book Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family (although not for this problem) and she has a lot of great information about feeding children so they learn to self-regulate and develop a healthy attitude towards eating. If you are worrying about your daughter developing bulimia I think it's not a bad idea to have a look.

Good luck.

They sound hungry. I know my mum thought she gave us good meals but she was very slim herself and I do remember being desperate for food and longing for it! I had enough but as a child didn't understand that.

I would just like to add a thought to this and have just noticed "happynewmind's" post above. My Mum was exceptionally strict with food, especially sweets, crisps, biscuits, that sort of thing. Hence, if I went to somebody's house where this sort of thing was freely available, I used to gorge until I felt sick. To this day (and I am nearly 44 years old!) I delight in the fact that that I can buy a pack of chocolate digestives and eat all of them if I want to. I don't think that restricting things is a good idea. I think that small quantities of what you consider to be forbidden food is much better than the kids trying to find it and eating and hiding. I always have most food types available in my house, my daughter (who is an exceptionally tall and slim teenager) will have a bit but doesn't overdo it. I think this is because she knows she can have something if she wants to, it's there, so there is no need to gorge or overdo it. She has never had a filling or any sort of dentistry issue. I have a friend who had a child who did similar things and she dealt with it by saying that the fruit bowl (or chopped veg) was freely available whenever she wanted to eat and she didn't have to ask, but if she wanted something like biscuits, chocolate or crisps, she had to ask. It worked fine for her. Be very careful with making any sort of food one to be feared of...as it does tend to trigger issues...as my own experience tells me! Good luck!

What sort of portion sizes do they have?

I think you need to re-evaluate what you are serving your children and the amount of food you are letting them have. Lots of big meals with pasta and potatoes and so on too to help fill them up. Lots of yoghurt puddings, rice puddings and so on. Soup even as a starter. Your children may be hitting growth spurts and really need the extra calories just now.

The fact they are also taking a gorging of fruit, rather than just sweets, suggests this isn't about simply craving sweet things. Without pointing fingers - so please don't take this the wrong way - I think you are projecting many of your own anxieties about food onto your children. With a balanced diet and the tooth brushing they shouldn't be in danger of cavities from the food. TBH the 3x a day brushing sounds a bit excessive too. I think you need to relax about food so your children can. Children who binge and gorge often do so because they are afraid food is not going to be available later - your oldest sounds anxious about food. You may be in danger of creating food issues in her: the exact opposite of what you are trying to achieve.

Why don't you let them have fruit juices? There are plenty available without added sugar and they can count towards the 5 a day recommended fruit intake. Milk is not a thirst quencher and to only allow them water otherwise when at home seems draconian. Letting them have fruit juices of different flavours helps broaden their taste experience. There is also nothing wrong with any treat or chocolate in moderation and children need to learn this self regulation. By locking treats away and denying it to your kids you are sending them a very negative message about certain things they might eat and run the risk of making them very anxious about food.

My nephew is nearly 7 but when he turned 6 he suddenly started eating adult size meals. He burns off so much energy running around he needs the extra food. He is another one whose Mum banned sweet foods and now when he goes to a party or goes somewhere where there is sweet foods available, he eats until he feels sick.

They are not underfed. They are allowed as much savoury food as they want. They are all a healthy weight - in fact, ds is fairly chunky.

They have got dental cavities - so they are in danger of cavities! Fruit does contain natural sugars, particularly in juice form. I am trying to limit the cavities they already have. I need to do something about it and the dentist said diet was the main cause. Unrestricted access to food clearly isn't working.

Yesterday they all were given the same portions as us.

My dc used to be desperate for sweet foods! they would cry as toddlers and try to replace meals with it. Now they are 4 and 6 we have clear guidelines. Three meals a day and at lunch they have yoghurt or a school pudding and after dinner they are allowed one thing from the treat box, eg cake bar or biscuit. Yes that means that they are having a treat every day but they know what to expect and it also encourages them to finish their meals. If they are hungry throughout the day, we have a fruit bowl or bottom shelf of fridge (veg sticks etc) as a free area they can help themselves to. Quite regimental but my dc are, like most better with structure!