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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Extremely concerned about 6 year old daughter's behaviour! Please help!

70 replies

AbsMummy06 · 19/12/2012 22:21

My 6 year old is a bright and funny girl, who used to show a great deal of compassion for everyone.

Since turning 6 (August) however it's been a constant battle. She has been in trouble for hitting and pushing children in her class, including lunchtime detentions, there were 3 different incidents in one week, all the incidents she blamed on other children "annoying" her.

She has put her hands around my throat, hit me, kicked me, bitten me. She also bit a very close family friend a couple of weeks ago.

Her words are probably the worst tool she has in my opinion though, she is totally spiteful at the moment. After the biting incident I did get very upset at my friends house and she saw me crying although I attempted to hide it, later on that day she asked me if I "was crying to cry like the big stupid cry baby I am". She has told me that she wants me to die so she can go live with her Grandmother, when I asked her why it was so she could "get rid of me". I was busy using the PC over the weekend and explained to her that she couldn't use it as I was job hunting, she replied with "Why are you even bothering to look for a job, you're never going to get one. You are actually the stupidest person I have ever met." If she catches me looking at her she will say "What do you think you're looking at?" and if I shout her she will ask me what the hell I want. But 30 seconds after that she can throw her arms around me and I say "I love you Mama, you're my queen of hearts." She is worlds away from the little girl who used to cry if I even stubbed my toe at the fear I had really hurt myself!

The most alarming thing happened last night though, when I went up to bed I had noticed that she had smeared poo on the bathroom sink. I asked about it today very delicately at the fear she may have been embarrassed and she laughed in my face and said she did it on purpose and she put her fingers up her bum to see what was there, when I asked her why she did that she continued to laugh at me. I explained to her that this was unacceptable behaviour and that got the biggest laugh of all.

I am out of work at the moment and she is my only child so she has my undivided attention from home time until bedtime and is a very loved little girl.

Can anyone shed any light on any of this and do people feel it's a matter I should raise with her doctor? Many thanks x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Aranea · 19/12/2012 22:46

I don't have any experience of this but didn't want your post to go unanswered. She doesn't sound a happy girl at all at the moment, and I think in your position I would be seeking professional help for her. Perhaps the GP, or perhaps the school counsellor would be a good starting point?

CocktailQueen · 19/12/2012 22:49

Hi there, I didn't want to read and run either. This sounds really odd and worrying, and raises a warning flag for me. Recently we had a similar episode in our school and poo-smearing is apparently a possible red flag for sexual abuse. I may be completely off base here, but could this be a possibility?

Original poster

AbsMummy06 · 19/12/2012 22:51

I will speak to the doctor tomorrow. thank you so much. Just needed confirmation that this isn't normal. Just don't understand why she's unhappy because she is so so treasured

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Original poster

AbsMummy06 · 19/12/2012 22:53

Highly unlikely to be that as the only time she is away from me is during school hours and when she occasionally sleeps over at my Mum's house or is out for her tea with her Dad (he only sees her on Wednesdays) x

OP posts:

AutumnGlory · 19/12/2012 22:55

GP asap. I feel that she is trying to tell you something tbh. Is there a possibility she could have been abused or bullied outside your home.

AutumnGlory · 19/12/2012 22:56

Are you sure?

Original poster

AbsMummy06 · 19/12/2012 22:57

I have spoken to her teacher following that period of really bad behaviour at school if there was a chance she was being bullied. Seems the only problems she has with her peers are ones that she herself has instigated and any problems are always THEIR fault. She never takes blame for any of her own bad behaviour. Having said that, some days even looking at her is enough to send her into a fit of verbal abuse x

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AutumnGlory · 19/12/2012 22:58

Can you trust her father..?

Viviennemary · 19/12/2012 22:59

She sounds very seriously disturbed to me. Has she been watching any really unsuitable TV programmes or been upset in any other way or bullied or abused in some way you don't know about. I think she should see a child psychologist. This is usual for a six year old to be like this. You could try having a word with the teacher to get their opinion if they think there is some serious problem with her behaviour.

Original poster

AbsMummy06 · 19/12/2012 23:00

Most of the visits I am with them also and she's never shown any concerns about being on her with him x

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Viviennemary · 19/12/2012 23:00

*Not usual. Sorry.

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry · 19/12/2012 23:01

she needs a full assessment from a psychologist. get to the gp and request a referral.

there could be any number of reasons for her behaviour.

Convert · 19/12/2012 23:04

Wow. That sounds really serious to me. I would definitely be seeking professional help for her. I hope you and your dd are ok x

TeaDr1nker · 19/12/2012 23:04

Gosh, your DD sounds very troubled. As others have said go to your GP and insist on a referral, don't be fobbed off by your GP either (although I do hope your GP takes your concerns seriously).

defineme · 19/12/2012 23:10

When my 7 yrold dd is horrid to me and siblings it usually transpires that someone is being horrible to her at school. Adults can bully too so I would continue to have searching chats with her re that possibility.

My ds1 took an age to understand playing with poo is gross and has little empathy despite telling me he loves me and being very affectionate.
He was dx as asd at 4.

Whatever it is she's clearly unhappy and you need to push and push-gp/camhs/school nurse/ anyone you can think of.

Hope it works out ok.

Original poster

AbsMummy06 · 19/12/2012 23:11

The only tv she watches and website she uses is cbeebies. She watches the odd DVD, usually Bob the Builder or Horrid Henry. I think if anyone was likely to be being bullied it would be her friends, by her. She recently told me she only has two friends at school now due to her behaviour x

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Corygal · 19/12/2012 23:11

There are millions of reasons why she could be behaving like this - parenting is the least of them, don't worry.

I'm sure you feel the rudeness and provocation is the worst for you to deal with, but imho biting other people might be worth putting near the top of the list.

A human bite from a child as large as a 6 yr old is an extremely painful injury that needs medical treatment from a doctor, whether the victim is child or adult. (Sorry if that sounds pompous, but bites are really unhygienic, fiddly wounds).

The aggression, shit-smearing and violence needs a little look.

Shit-smearing is one of those 'behaviours' that used to have docs adopting serious faces, by the way, but I think nowadays medics have a more balanced view - don't panic about it.

Have the school not suggested any action? If not, I'd see a GP anyway.

Original poster

AbsMummy06 · 19/12/2012 23:13

Thank you very much everyone, my first time using this site and I'm overwhelmed by the responses xx

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hiviolet · 19/12/2012 23:13

Wish I had advice but I really don't. She sounds deeply, deeply unhappy and I really hope you get to the bottom of it.

ringokimmy · 19/12/2012 23:15

i agree with the above post, i would definitely be concerned with this behaviour, and would seek professional help, hope you get the help you may need

Original poster

AbsMummy06 · 19/12/2012 23:16

Hey Corygal, don't sound pompous at all! She was on a behaviour plan at school since reception regarding her behaviour (she would deliberately interrupt lessons and the teachers found her very defiant). At her last parents evening (October) I was informed she'd been taken off her behaviour plan and was doing very well. I am totally confused by it x

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Original poster

AbsMummy06 · 19/12/2012 23:17

Thank you so much x

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FlojoHoHoHo · 19/12/2012 23:17

It does sound worrying. I don't want to alarm you as others have said some pretty scarey suggestions but you definitely need to take her to the GP tomorrow. Firstly I'd want to rule out any medical condition that could cause a sudden change in behaviour, and I'd want an immediate referral to the child psychologist to be assessed.

AutumnGlory · 19/12/2012 23:19

How was her general behaviour as a baby and toddler.?

Corygal · 19/12/2012 23:21

Don't worry, just get her to the GP. These things sometimes take time to sort themselves out - you might have to work with the school and do behaviour training, that kind of thing.

Whatever's going on, you and she need help - that's what these people are there for. Good luck, tell us how you get on.

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