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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD suddenly deathly afraid of bees.....how can I help her?

11 replies

Earlybird · 12/04/2006 04:36

At the moment, dd (age 5) is displaying an extreme fear of bees/wasps. She knows they can sting (but has never been stung herself), and has not (as far as I'm aware) been excessively frightened with scary bee stories.

We went for a picnic this evening, and rather than enjoying the spring sunshine she didn't want to leave the car as she was afraid a bee might appear. Once out, she sat quivering on the blanket watching several bumblebees that were quite a few yards away - and never came close to us. The other day, I found her quivering/crying in the house as a wasp flew around the ceiling - again nowhere close to her.

I've tried reasoning with her to defuse the fear, tried telling her she is being extreme and unnecessarily anxious, tried telling her that bees are good in that they spread pollen/make honey - all to no avail.

I'm concerned that she is so afraid, but it also is tiresome....What else can I say to address her fear? Is this likely to be a passing phase she'll grow out of, or could it be the beginning of a real phobia?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cece · 12/04/2006 07:59

Not sure what to do but i have a phobia that developed in childhood. Not bees though.

Suggestions include;

talk about it with her?
read books about bees?
they do use exposure as a way of treating phobias don't they?
visit GP and get referal?

starshaker · 12/04/2006 08:10

im afraid im the same. i wont open the car window in the summer incase a bee or wasp gets in all house windows must stay closed aswell. ive never been stung either but i really panic if i see 1 and i even quit a job in a pub cos there were 2 many flying about. it makes me feel physically sick

MrsBadger · 12/04/2006 09:15

Not sure it'll help but will add some anecdotal evidence:

I was scared of bees and wasps as a child but believed the 'leave it alone and it won't sting you' line.
Then when I was 9 and drinking squash in the garden a wasp got interested in me. I sat still as per advice but the damn thing landed on me and stang me on the lip. I was furious but it didn't actually hurt that much (hasty application of ice by canny mother).
After that I realised that a sting wouldn't actually kill me, and became much more relaxed around them, particularly when I realised I was a lot bigger than them and could kill them easily!
Got stung again last summer (wretched thing crawled up my top), and, again, it was no more painful than a nettle sting or a spot. I did take great pleasure in stomping on the culprit though!

Would images of friendly bees help your dd? A mobile with flowers and butterflies and one unthreatening bee? Busy Buzzy Bumbles or whatever the game is with the bees on the headbands? Or a little rhyme on the lines of 'Rain rain go away' that she can say to bees so they won't bother her any more?

Original poster

Earlybird · 12/04/2006 12:41

Thanks for the feedback/ideas.

I think part of her anxiety has to do with the fact that bees are so unpredictable, and that she has no control over where they go/what they do. Her solution at the moment is to eliminate the possibility of encountering a bee/wasp.

If anyone else has any thoughts/experiences/suggestions, I would be grateful. I don't want her fear to overide her ability to enjoy being outside.

OP posts:

snowleopard · 12/04/2006 13:10

Get someone who has been stung to talk to her about how it wasn't that bad?
Go out with her and get some insect repellent, maybe one of those coil things or candles, and set it up together when you're outside for a picnic or whatever. Make a little kit with treatments for bee and wasp stings (you can get cream at boots; include plasters and painkiller) so she feels prepared? You can't tell her it won't happen, but you can help her feel prepared and that she'll be able to deal with it if she is ever stung.

BTW I think her fears are quite rational - stings can hurt a lot and they can be dangerous - perhaps she's heard they can cause anaphylactic shock? Take her seriously and reassure her you'll keep her safe.

suedonim · 12/04/2006 19:45

I think Snowleopard's advice is v good. My eldest ds spent the entire summer of the year he was five indoors 'In case a bee comes into the garden'. He did gradually improve but he's now in his 30's and is still wary of bees if they come too close. He has never been stung so I don't know where his fear came from, it seems to be an almost primeval instinct.

Gem13 · 12/04/2006 20:01

DD is terrified of them too. She had her first hysterical fit when one flew into a friend's house last summer. She was 18 months.

We think DH tried to shoo one out of the house a couple of months before that...

Original poster

Earlybird · 12/04/2006 22:08

At the moment, I'm veering between sympathy (after all, fear is often irrational and isn't helped by a "fgs, get over it" conversation), and exasperation that she is so anxious when chances are relatively small that she'll be stung. At the moment, it's her main focus everytime we venture outside. Don't know where this has come from, or why it is suddenly so vivid.

Suedonim - can't imagine a 5 year old boy inside for a whole summer!

OP posts:

suedonim · 13/04/2006 01:32

It was a PITA, Earlybird! He'd venture outside but as soon as anything buzzed, hummed or chirruped that was it, back indoors. Istr that was also the summer he spent being a duck and we all had to flap our wings going upstairs, paddle in the bath etc. You'll be relieved to know that he has grown up to be relatively normal, though his wife did overhear him pretending to be a seal in the shower recently!

Original poster

Earlybird · 13/04/2006 05:25

Oooh suedonim - you sound a much more patient mum than me! And your fortunate ds sounds to have found a very understanding wife also!

OP posts:

stoppinattwo · 13/04/2006 06:08

Morning Earlybird, just read yr thread, your DD sounds so much like my DC's. I know a few children who have this fear. I guess if she's 5 shes been at school since september, if this is just a recnt thing it may be one of her friends or staff at school has had a bit of a panick at the ssight of a bee and its rubbed off.
Ive got nursery to thank for my childrens fear, some of the carers in the nursery themselves are afraid and its difficult for them to stay calm and not react infront of the children. V frustrating a i dont particularly like them (stood on one by accident in the garden last year infront of the kids and it stung my foot. I didnt make a big deal about it, my DCs were afraid but a bit more intrigued? think because i hadnt dropped dead!!)They still get hysterical now and again but i dont make a fuss, if they want to sit in the house on a scorching day i cant ban all the bees spiders etc out of the garden. We just all have fun and usually they will come and join us. play it down as much as poss, its so hard to judge how do deal with the situations. just try and ignore it for now, if she comes running in shouting theres a bee in the garden etc etc, well hes got just a much right to fly in ther as you have cant you share th garden with him?? Like i say both of mine get hysterical themselves sometimes and i can sympethise with them,.... not verbally tho, sorry if ive rambled. I think what Im trying to say is try to ignore it when it happens, talk about it if she wants to, otherwise distraction techniques are great, let her see what fun your all having in the garden.

Hope Ive been of some use!!

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