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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I am shy,will it affect my DS? Sad story on playground :-(

18 replies

lovemynathy · 09/12/2012 00:53

Hi mummies, I know a lot has been written about it I just wanted to share my story. Today I took my DS 14 months old to the playground. There were a farther with his DD about 2 ish and a mom with her DD about 3 and DS about 2. My DS was the youngest. He loves watching other kids especially older ones and repeat what they do. The dad and the mom got chatting and they were feeding their kids together. At some point all the kids where playing on one slide and my DS was very happy to have a company even so they didn't pay much attention to him. Then they all left. My DS was waving bye bye (he loves to do it) but they didn't respond to him. He looked so sad, my heart broke. Is it my fault? What shall I do?

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zippey · 09/12/2012 02:02

Aww what a shame, but I wouldnt blame yourself, and it probably wasnt a big deal to him. I have a daughter who is around similar age and she loves being around older kids. I usually say "bye bye" loudly myself when my little one waves to goodbye, otherwise they might not notice. They usually turn round and wave bye back too. I dont know if this is something you can do, it would mean putting your shyness aside a little and be prepared for rejection, but it usually works!

Dont cut yourself up about it though, he will be fine!

MrsMushroom · 09/12/2012 02:29

Well they were just rude. It was nothing to do with you! Your son is obviously not shy and I promise you that he WILL make friends. I am shy too and understand your fears. I have one shy DD and one DD who is NOT shy....the un-shy DD has been fine with making friends and the shy one is learning fast.

MrsMushroom · 09/12/2012 02:29

Oh yes...agree with the saying Bye bye yourself when your DS waves to someone.

zippey · 09/12/2012 04:48

I dont neccesarily think the other children and parents were being rude - perhaps they didnt notice, especially if OP's child was just waving. Thats why us parents saying "bye bye!" gets peoples attension, and its so difficult to resist saying "bye" back. The same with hello!

Also, sometimes kids and parents are shy with people they dont know yet, so it might seem others are being rude when they just dont know what they should say or do.

Good luck though!

Littlemissmagnet · 09/12/2012 05:42

I am a shy parent too. I can make small talk but cannot make friends easily as I am not really a confident person. So my solution when I saw my DS lonely in the park It finally made me come to a decision rightly or wrongly to have a sibling as then they will always have company. Not for everyone I know but I loved my Brothers and sisters growing up all the time and enjoyed their company so I hope for the same for my little ones.
As to parents and kids not saying goodbye in the park maybe they were distracted. I usually distract my DS with something else if that or something similar happens.

Lilicat1013 · 09/12/2012 08:30

It is a shame they didn't wave bye, I agree they might have been distracted.

My son is two and autistic so is terrible for ignoring children who desperately want to play with him. When we go out and there are other children around he tends to acquire at least one younger child who follows him and attempts to interact with him. He doesn't really understand they are trying to play so he doesn't really acknowledge them.

I usually talk to the child and do my best to encourage my son to notice them and engage with them (unfortunately never successful but I try). I do feel very guilty when these little children are waving to him or trying to cuddle him and he acts like they aren't there. I do prompt him and tell him the little boy/girl would like to play with him and wave goodbye to them if they wave so hopefully it doesn't upset them.

Your son sounds fine, he is clearly confident and your confidence will build over time. You aren't holding him back in any way.

Original poster

lovemynathy · 09/12/2012 21:39

Thank you mums, I will defiantly say bye bye myself next time, what a simple but a great idea. It's just was so painful to see him sad even for a couple of seconds as he really tries to interact with other kids. Lilicat you are so a brave and great mum :-). Thank you ladies xx

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TeamBacon · 09/12/2012 21:44

He's 2 and he's forgotten about it. I'd do the same tbh!

Beamur · 09/12/2012 21:50

He sounds very sweet, little ones do seem in awe of bigger kids, my DD is 5 now and still the same.
I doubt that this one incident will have much effect on him, he is still very little, and it takes some kids a good few years to learn properly to interact with others.
Parks are ideal for casual interaction with other kids, but do you go to any other groups with him? If you find chatting with other parents a bit tough (and lots of us do) why not try something like story times at your local library (if they do them)?

Original poster

lovemynathy · 10/12/2012 00:11

We try to go to play groups, but we were not very successful at it as could not get up that early, but I am going to change that. I know he has forgotten and there are a lot of people out there (grown ups) who don't bother to interact with kids. I guess I have to accept it and my DS to learn that not everyone is nice and sometimes people maybe preoccupied with something and do not notice. Now when I talked about it my worry seems a bit silly, but I am happy I brought it up as I defiantly learnt something new. :-)

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zippey · 10/12/2012 15:50

You saying bybye is good, and you can also encourage your child to say bye bye too. Here is a few of the things I do with my child:

At shops after being served I will give her money eg £10 and tell her to hand it to the shop assistant.
I will ask her to say goodbye by saying "say bye bye to the nice lady/man"
If Im giving money to charity eg person collecting with a tin, I will say "can you give this money to him/her

Going to baby groups is good as well (eg swimming)

Dont worry too much though, I had a situation yesterday where I my child saw that others had balloons - and she put her hand out when children walked past her as if she was expecting them to give her a balloon. I would have bought one but when I enquired it was £2 a balloon, and thought better of it.

ChestnutsRoastingonaWitchesTit · 10/12/2012 16:05

Nah, my 22mo says bye bye to the digger at the end of the road. It's never going to wave bye bye back.

Original poster

lovemynathy · 11/12/2012 22:23

Mums just wanted to say I tried saying myself LOUDLY bye bye - worked perfectly :-). Will be trying other tips too, thank you :-)

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zippey · 12/12/2012 13:34

Brilliant, really glad to hear, I hope everything works out. Being shy isnt the worst trait a human can have by the way. Oh and we arent all mums on here!

ArtfulAardvark · 12/12/2012 13:39

I am really shy and find it really difficult to make friends but I have two confident popular children. My youngest is much more reserved, painfully shy with new people, I can remember coming home and crying one day because I left him on his own in the playground (about year 3) when I spoke to him later he was not at all worried so I decided not to pass my anxieties on to him.

Original poster

lovemynathy · 13/12/2012 00:59

Woopsy, sorry Zippey :-)

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zippey · 13/12/2012 04:14

NP lovemynathy - just thought Id mention it becuase it was the 2nd time you'd said it, wasnt going to say anything otherwise!

Hey ArtfulAardvark - thats good to hear about your children being confident. Im sorry to hear you find it difficult to make friends. I said earlier that being shy isnt the worst trait someone can have, but I guess as parents we want the best for our children and that sometimes means to be different from the way we are!

Original poster

lovemynathy · 13/12/2012 23:20

You know I believe in saying 'when student is ready the teacher appears'. First I found this WONDERFUL forum and for a few days, totally unexpected I am hunging out with my old friend with whom we were not so close till a few days ago. She is not shy, she has a lovely DD, they are fantastic together with my DS. I think I took up a bit of her confidence and see everything from a different point of view. Strangly enough I helped her with a stuff I new how to do and she didn't. The universe is working ....... Thanks to everyone who took time to write here. I will appreciate more comments or ideas, they are all so simple but so great x

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