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Original poster

3 year old suddenly hates going to nursery. Help!!

14 replies

BabyBellasMumma · 07/12/2012 13:59

My dd is 3 years and 1 month and has been at nursery since September. At first she loved going, even on her 1st day we had no problems leaving her there she just went off to play and really wasn't bothered when I left. She is a very confident and independent little girl and she was fitting in at nursery so well.
However, over the last couple of weeks she has not wanted to go to nursery. When I take her in to drop her off she screams and cries and ends up in such a state Hmm
I don't think it's anything at the nursery that's making her not want to go, I honestly think its that she doesn't want to leave me. I am 35 weeks pregnant with dc2 so don't know if its something to do with that?
She only does 2 sessions a week at nursery and they are only 3.5 hours each so it's not like I leave her a lot!
I really just don't know how to deal with this and need some advice please!??!

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DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight · 07/12/2012 14:06

Start with nursery, is there a keyworker or someone assigned to your DD? Ask if there's been a change of routine there, different staff, did she have to move to another group altogether when she had her 3rd birthday?

oddslippers · 07/12/2012 14:07

What do you do when you leave her? if you make a fuss or try to comfort it may be sending a message that she's right to be worried. Hard though it is the best thing is to leave her with a member of staff with a quick kiss and cheery reassurance that you will see her later. She'll soon calm and the separation will get easier for both of you.

Original poster
BabyBellasMumma · 07/12/2012 14:32

I've spoken to her keyworker who says there have been no changes etc at the nursery and once I've gone and she's calmed down she is happy playing.
I try not to make a big deal of it when I go to leave but she clings onto me and won't let go so its hard. She also hates being comforted by other people and lashes out at them if they try to cuddle her or pick her up. I stay for about 10 mins until she has calmed down a little bit then I wait until she starts playing and is distracted then I leave without disturbing her. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing or not really?! It's so hard to see her so upset but very very frustrating at the same time!Confused

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DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight · 07/12/2012 16:13

If she's distracted and content, don't feel bad for leaving her. She's in a routine, you need a break and there'll be Christmas and a DBro or DSis soon. She's got into that mindset for now, nothing to show any specific thing triggered it. Don't attribute your forthcoming event to her feeling pushed out or neglected. Physically it might be harder to pick her up or rush around places but you are still her mummy and when DC2 arrives there'll be enough love to go round.

Have a good Christmas and lovely new little one in the New Year Xmas Smile.

Tolly81 · 07/12/2012 18:44

My sister started doing this when she was 3. Turned out it was that she was very short sighted and couldn't even see her feet properly and the steep steps into nursery were really upsetting her. Probably isn't the case but might just be worth checking her sight and hearing x

wifeymerrick · 08/12/2012 08:50

Hi I'm a nursery nurse, also mummy to a DS who is 3.5 , in my nursery when a child is distressed we have s number of strategies to help the child cope.! I think u should go back to the nursery and explain how upset and concerned u r and ask what they can do to help! U will b feeling more emotional and tired atm and I really feel strongly that nursery should be revignisi

wifeymerrick · 08/12/2012 08:51

Sorry that they should b recognising that and doing all the can to make the separation transition smooth and stress free ! Feel free to pm me and I'll tell u the various things we do x

Original poster
BabyBellasMumma · 08/12/2012 15:19

Thanks for all your advice Smile what do you think the nursery staff should be doing to help? At the moment they pretty much just leave me to calm her down before I leave. If they try to help by suggesting she play or help them do something the she jut gets more and more upset. She will kick out at them if they try to pick her up or cuddle her.
I'm hoping its just a phase she is going through, and I know that it's not a huge problem but things were so much easier when I could just take her in give her a kiss then leave without any fuss!

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wifeymerrick · 08/12/2012 20:01

We follow an approach called the solihull where we will make a smooth goodbye by a really gentle hand over with mum saying to child where she is going and who will pick her up, mum then says quite clearly who she is handing charge over to ie...key worker who takes it from there...simple but it works ! With u being pregnant, ur DC will be worried about u, she just doesn't know how to show it ! We also do happy face charts, where the DC has a focus going in...

wifeymerrick · 08/12/2012 20:04

That could be in the form of a red sticker each time she enters and allows u to leave happily....my most recent was a little girl, we had a beautiful pink princess castle and princess stickers,she was to put a sticker onto the castle....four days on.....NO tears :-) many more strategies I can help u suggest to nursery ! But again I stand by they should b doing more for u x

wifeymerrick · 08/12/2012 20:04

That was meant to be wee not red sticker lol

Original poster
BabyBellasMumma · 09/12/2012 08:33

The pretty sticker idea sounds good, I might try that! She's not in until weds morning now though. Any other tips or ideas? U have been a great help so far thank you x

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wifeymerrick · 10/12/2012 17:53

Have u spoken to nursery again ? r they happy to try out something new ? X

Original poster
BabyBellasMumma · 12/12/2012 10:05

Thanks for your advice wifeymerrick. Just had another horrible time dropping dd at nursery HmmI'm going in to discuss things with the staff tomorrow. If you could message me with any advice you have that would be great thank you x

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