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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

something dd said tonight made me worry

13 replies

helsi · 03/04/2006 21:52

when I asked her who she played with at nursery today she said she played on her own as no-one else likes her and they think she is silly. I don't know where she has got this from but when I asked her later on in a similar way she said she played with X and they played tag.
should I mention it to the nursery teacher and ask aboiut her interaction and relationships?

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cece · 03/04/2006 21:54

I would ask as my dd often says things like this. the teacher told me she always has someone to play with. I think in the playground it can be difficult to find your friends iyswim.

rummum · 03/04/2006 21:55

how old is you DD... children often play alongside each other.. then gradually interact more and talk and play with each other..

LilacBump · 03/04/2006 21:57

i asked the teacher and she said DD had loads of friends. a while later we realised that DD is particularly sensitive to children saying things like "you're not my friend anymore" when DD had done something naughty eg hurt someone. she has this with us too. if we get cross with her, she thinks we're not her friends anymore. i think it's a phase of insecurity.

Original poster

helsi · 03/04/2006 21:57

she is 3.4. I asked her what she did when they wouldn't play with her and she said she told the teacher. I asked what the teacher said and she replied "she said don't worry Hannah".

It seemed such a real story that she was telling me but then changed later on.

she does interact with childen but she does have a very vivid imagination which I think can be too much for the more sheltered children.

She also has told me more than once that she played on her own. She also told me that 2 girls in the toilet said to her "we don't like you".

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Sparklemagic · 03/04/2006 22:06

helsi, it's so difficult to piece together what goes on, isn't it! I fel the same with my DS who has always been quite a complex character to 'fit in' to a group - has a natural wish to lead all the play, and until very recently no interest whatsoever in playing with other children (still roars at them and tells them to go away sometimes!). Some days I have asked him the same as you've asked your DD, and he says he played with no-one and did nothing - or that so-and-so pushed him. Then much later that day or even weeks later he might tell me of a game he had been playing with 'the boys' at pre-school, or that he thinks Amelia is the nicest child there!

As long as the teachers have no concerns, I think our place is to be fairly ignorant of the minutiae of their time there to be honest.

My mum brought me up short the other day when she told me "This is the beginning of letting them go to their own life"!!!!!

rummum · 03/04/2006 22:08

Are the girls that say this older than her as I find that the older girls (nearer school age) say this. Its almost as if they are trying to establish their pecking order IYSWIM.

Does it worry your daughter if she plays on her own? I work in a pre-school and many children do wander to an activity table and play on their own with the adult there. Also if anyone is looking a bit lost we always encourage them to play with us and get them to interact with the other children. We often pair children up as well, sometimes the older children are good at looking after the little ones or if we have 2 shy children we pair them up and watch them blossom...

have a word with the nursery teacher, does she have a keyworker?

Sparklemagic · 03/04/2006 22:31

sounds a well run pre-school rummum!

maximillion · 03/04/2006 22:53

AT my DD1's nursery school (pre-school), it has really shocked me just how 'paired off' all the kids are and already saying 'I don't lik X' and 'X isn't my friend'. Maybe it was alwasy like this, but I can't remember this happening at school until I was 9 or 10. When DS1 was at private nursery (when I worked), she played with about 4-5 children and had three 'best friends'. This has shrunk to one BF and when I ask if she has played with so-and-so, she always says 'no, they play with Y', as if it is a silly question. I brought it up at a recent parents' evening but felt like the teachers weren't bothered at all by it. However, one of my friends who helps out there says the little groups of friends can be quite cruel to each other and especially to the 'loners', running away from them or not letting them join in, and the teachers do not address it. I think it is really sad at this age.

Original poster

helsi · 05/04/2006 19:59

I had a word with her teacher and she said that hannah mixes well with others and also enjoys playing on her own sometimes. the day in question they said they noticed she was a bit tearful and I can only put that down to being tired. I told her about the other children and she said that they have had concerns about 2 girls in particular who will be stating school in September so are a bit older as hannah ahs only just gone 3 and shouldn't start nursery until Septe but they got her a place in the Janaury term.
She said, hannah was very pleasant, outgoing and polite with a good imagination and social skills so not to be too worried.

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manitz · 05/04/2006 20:21

Mine started at new nursery in jan and for the first 2 months said constantly. They don't like me they hit me. When I asked more the story would get a bit silly - like 'i cried, i hit them, that's jus the way it is'. It sort of became more elaborate, I realised that there might be truth but mostly it was something interesting to say.

Although this sort of thing has now calmed down it reoccurs now and then - she's 3y1m. Do you think they are just aware now that maybe not everyone likes them?

TwoIfBySea · 05/04/2006 21:03

I would have a word with the nursery teacher just to find out.

Dts1 said this to me a few months ago, that no one liked him and he had no friends, it nearly broke my heart! But dts2 immediately piped up that dts1 plays with certain children (and a certain girl he really likes!)

When I asked the staff the next day they said dts did have a little group he liked to play with but he had no problems playing with other children too.

It pays to put your mind to rest helsi. Maybe it was something someone said to her.

mumsy1234 · 05/04/2006 21:47

when i asked my 5 year old who where her best friends at school she said no one.i took this to mean she had no real friends i later discovered from her teacher that she likes to play with all the children and plays with different children day to day.i am so proud of her because she gets on with everyone.sometimes we interpret what children say wrong.

SnowBoo · 05/04/2006 21:51

My ds is 3.4 and he came home telling me this girl didn't like him, she said he was a 'silly poo head!'. I told him not to worry, plenty of others to play with.

He then came home telling me about the naughty teacher, she tells them off! He is a very sensitive little boy and takes it all to heart but i spoke to his keyworker and she said they all love him.

Its a phase they all seem to go through. Wouldn't worry too much.

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