ds1(3) deliberately making dd2 (1) cry

[MrTumblesCrackWhore]

Ds1 can be a very loving big brother at times but dd2 seems to be quite scared of him now and, when once she would have just ignored his rough play and deliberate attention seeking knocks and pushes, she cries sometimes even if she thinks he is coming near her. She is definitely overly-sensitive at times, but he doesn't make it easy for her to get over it.

It is particularly pronounced when I get home from work and seems to be classic attention seeking behaviour but it's not like ds1 doesn't get alot of attention all of the time anyway. It's as if I spend so much as a tiny bit of time with dd2, he gets so insanely jealous that he takes to barging her out of the way or peeling her hands off whatever she happens to be cruising around on.

I can't give him anymore attention that I am giving at the moment, and I need to really give dd2 more, so I need strategies to try and improve their relationship and break this cycle of dd2 crying when he so much as goes within half a metre of her.

Anyone got any suggestions?

Can you do stuff with them both at the same time?

Like sitting and looking at a picture book with them either side of you, sitting at table with a drink and some fruit with either side of you and praising them both and speaking generally.

If they are either side of you, you are facing ahead and they are both equal.

He does sound a little jealous and attention seeking but if his little sis is afraid of him and reacting to him being nearer then you need to put a stop to that. Maybe you could do him a reward chart of "kind hands" and seize any time he is being nice and really fuss over him for it.

When DS was little and I was child minding I would sit him on my knee or next to me in high chair and do something with the older ones like drawing, duplo, play dough or something at the table. Again all the kids have your attention and can see and interact with you so none feel left out.

Thanks for your response. Yes, we do do that but it's not something I can keep up all day. We do a sort of reward thing where he gets a chocolate egg at the end of the day providing he has not deliberately hurt his sister. He hasn't responded to reward charts very well in the past which is why we haven't pursued that idea for this but maybe it's time to try again now he's older.

DD2 is very active and is all over the place, and doesn't want to sit in the high chair for very long so needs more following around and interaction so trying to do an activity with ds1 without constant interruptions is difficult.

Are you me? ?? My 4yr old ds and 2yr old dd very similar. Fighting for my attention all the time. DS jealous of dd but wants to play with her too. It is best described as a love hate relationship! Dd did use to be a bit scared of ds but that's not the case anymore and she winds him up too. Loves him to bits though . I find that it is when ds is bored/tired/hungry that he deliberAtely hurts dd. Things are better than it was year ago though so hope things j mprove for you. We already give ds plenty of one to one attention so that is not the problem. Personality and emotional maturity is also a factor.