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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dummies - when did your DC stop using them?

20 replies

musttidyupmusttidyup · 07/11/2012 22:17

I'm not looking for any advice or criticism on the use of dummies, nor do I want a debate about when, where, why, how they are the devil's work / fantastic.
I just want to know if anyone's DC has naturally (maybe with gentle encouragement) stopped using one. DS2 is nearly 4 and more attatched to his than ever. It used to be just bedtime and nap time but now it's most periods when he is in the house. He loves it, he needs it and I have no intentions of taking it from him whilst he is like this. he is much more pleasant when he has it

So, dummy fairies aside, do children just 'grow out of it' or am I postponing the inevitable?
What age did your DCs give it up? (Toddler age and beyond)
Thanks.

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frazmum · 07/11/2012 22:24

I've had two with dummies and both gave up around 3 ish. One on his own and the other we felt it was just a habit but not really needed. So we had a 'bye bye dummy party' - sounds a bit sad I know. Her sister and cousin came for a party tea and she got a little pressie from us and her Auntie.

mrsXsweet · 07/11/2012 22:27

My dd had a severe chest infection at 11 months and couldn't breathe easily with the dummy in so she rejected it. She was ill for a good 3.5 weeks and so we dumped the dummy, by the time she was well she had forgotten about it!
Don't know how we would have gone about getting rid of it this hadn't happened...

Original poster

musttidyupmusttidyup · 07/11/2012 22:39

frazmum he does love a party....

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Hersetta · 08/11/2012 08:45

My DD said out of the blue one day...'I think the dummy fairy can take my Dummy's away today' - she was 2.10 and it was as easy as that - although had used her dummy just at bedtime alone since she was around 18 months.

Sounds like your DS is become more reliant on it rather than less so. Has he had an unsettleing period so he feels like he has to have his dummy more?

mycatlikestwiglets · 08/11/2012 09:23

DS weaned himself off his at about 14 months - he was just chewing on it rather than sucking and liked to throw it out of the cot and laugh at people going to retrieve it for him at nursery! I realise I got off pretty lightly - I decided just to throw them all away and he didn't seem to care, despite having been totally reliant on one to sleep before that.

StrawberrytallCAKE · 08/11/2012 09:36

We took dd's off her just before she was 3, I found this video on YouTube showing another child giving their dummy to the dummy fairy and I showed it to her, she showed a mild interest and so we collected them all up and put them in a bucket for the fairy. In the morning she found money in a box at the end of her bed and we took her to buy a toy. After 2-3 nights she didn't mention her dummy again.

We originally tried just taking it off her but when we put her to bed she was shouting then screaming then pleading for her dummy, like a withdrawing addict!! It was horrible but the fairy really worked.

Mooles · 08/11/2012 15:58

My DS is 3 yrs 7 months - I'm psyching myself up to send his dummies (which he only uses at sleep times) to Father Christmas but dreading actually doing it - from this thread and friends' experiences it seems to only take a couple of days before they forget - but what's going on in the meantime, e.g. that first night without?? Will I be able to hold my nerve or will I be frantically trying to prise open the post box in my dressing gown and slippers at midnight? :-)

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 08/11/2012 16:16

My nearly-5yo uses one, still. We tried taking it away a few times (at 2, at 3 ...) and he simply sucked his thumb instead. We were all psyched up for a dreadful week, and it was no bother at all - he has 2 beautiful dummies attached to his hands. But the dummy only gets used at night for 20 minutes while he is falling asleep, and the thumb kept going in all day long! When he has a dummy at bedtime, he doesn't suck his thumb at all during the day.

So we gave the dummy back. We were going to try again at 4, and then he got Type 1 Diabetes, and there is no way I'm taking a source of comfort away from him now.

Sooo - I'm thinking that sooner or later the embarrassment will hit and he'll decide not to use it. And I'm hoping that will be when he is old enough not to replace it with his thumb.

notcitrus · 08/11/2012 16:20

Ds has a cousin 9 months older whom he worships. Cousin turned 4, saw ds, and said 'Four year olds don't have dummies.'
Ds repeated this a lot and at 3.8 said it was time for the dummy fairy to visit. But she had to bring TWO dinosaurs. She did!

Cousin has also convinced ds to try swimming and to put on his own clothes. Though not to eat veg...

Original poster

musttidyupmusttidyup · 08/11/2012 17:11

Maybe Hersetta - he was spending longer than usual away from me at pre school and not really enjoying it - I've taken him out now anyhow.
Nothing traumatic though. He is very bouncy and does get tired but I won't let him sleep in the day anymore as it means he doesn't settle well at night.
Good idea re you tube Strawberry thanks. Might give it a bit longer and then give it a whirl.
I suspect they all need nudging in the right direction and at his age he's not just going to decide he doesn't need it anymore.

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Fuzzymum1 · 09/11/2012 13:07

All three of mine have had dummies, DS1 reach 3yo and I said that now he was 3 we couldn't buy any more so when they were lost or broken that was it. Gradually over a few weeks I threw them away one by one then when we were down to one I reminded him. A few days later I slit it open with a sharp knife and showed him that it was "broken" he sobbed and I mean sobbed - Bedtime was hell and he took a long time to get to the stage where he could fall asleep easily again.

With DS2 we agreed just before he was three that his dummies could go to father christmas for the 'new babies'. One christmas eve he rounded them all up and put them under the tree, woke up the next morning to a special thank you present and letter from FC - he mentioned them occasionally but wasn't bothered.

DS3 was just over three and we decided it was time for them to go. He was desperate for a real hoover of his own so we 'wrote to FC' (in March!) and said that He really wanted a hoover and if he sent FC his dummies would FC be able to send him one. I planted a cheapy argos hoover in his room as we set off to the post office to post the dummies to my parents FC and when we got back there was a letter on the doormat from FC and the hoover was there waiting for him. He did miss them for a while but it wasn't too hard on him.

I would never ever do what I did with DS1 again - it was hell for weeks!

Veggy · 09/11/2012 13:21

I confess to having 5 1/2 yr old with one. She adores it! We've taken it away using dummy fairies, bye bye parties a few times over the years but always cave and return it. We try rules - in bed only, but fail after a few days. Sometimes it drives me nuts and sometimes I don't care, after all she won't still be sucking it at secondary school will she?? She is now definitely ashamed of it and hides it when school friends are over, as you'd expect. But as soon as they leave, out it comes.
I sucked my fingers until I was a teenager so I know how lovely the comfort of sucking is which is possibly why I'm not very hardline about removing it.
I'm assuming, she'll give it up on her some day soon!

notwoo · 09/11/2012 13:27

Dd was nearly 3 and ds was due to be born in a few weeks.
One night her dummy wasn't in her bed and I couldn't be bothered to look for it so just cuddled her to sleep instead.

She did mention it a few times but never cried for it. This is a girl who usually had at least 3 dummies in her bed and hadn't fallen asleep without one since she was a newborn!

I did keep them for months afterwards just in case but they weren't needed. She did need more cuddles initially at bedtime though

Original poster

musttidyupmusttidyup · 09/11/2012 17:23

Thanks for your comments - all useful. veggie I was a thumb sucker well into my teens maybe even twenties so I know where you're coming from. My other DCs never showed any interest (despite my knackered-sore-boobs-would'vedoneanythingforabreak best efforts) but DS2 takes so much comfort and pleasure from it I can't take it away. Not yet anyway.

OP posts:

Bumpsadaisie · 09/11/2012 23:08

We started telling DD when she was 3 that she would need to give her dummy up at some point and that when she did she could have a nice toy instead. And we said if you feel ready to try let me know etc. At first she said she definitely wasn't ready,

But at 3.2 mths she just announced it one day. We had two nights practice without the dummy then took the plunge- handed the dummies in at the toy shop in exchange for a toy. It was fine, save that now she needs more help to settle at night (she's 3.5 now ). When she had a dummy I just did story cuddle lights out and left the room. Now she wants us to sit by her till she dozes off!

c00kiemonster · 10/11/2012 09:10

16 months. We were starting to have fights with her every time we tried to take it off her so, in a moment of recklessness, we decided to go cold turkey. Had one bad night when she cried on for about 3 hours but that was it and she's not touched one for 2 months. We still can't believe it - very lucky really.

DijonMama · 14/11/2012 13:23

You need to hope for a "break" moment. For us it came with a rash around the mouth and the doc said no dummie (or I interpreted it that way!). 3 days later I was dreading him asking for it back, but he decided he would give it away to a younger child he knew. He was just over 3 years old. I have read somewhere that it takes 3 days to break a habit, so if you can think of a 3 day reason why it can't be had you might get somewhere. More likely something will present itself.
I hated my parents for taking mine off me and when I got pocket money I used to look at them in the pharmacy and consider buying my own!

musttidyupBeforeSantaComes · 14/11/2012 20:36

Oh Dijon that's so sad! . Oddly enough the other night he went to bed and slept all night without it - he just didn't ask so I didn't bring it up. Beer happened before (or since). Strange.
I am a bit worried about his teeth - particularly the bottom front which are quite splayed, big gaps. Not good.

musttidyupBeforeSantaComes · 14/11/2012 20:37

Lol at typo. For 'beer' read 'never' beer did not happen before, although that would explain it.

Micha54178 · 14/11/2012 20:51

My little one has recently given up her dummy, we asked her if she would post the to the little babies that need them now. She got an extra special big girl treat and the postman got a strange envelope addressed to all the little babies!! She asked for it on the second night and we reminded her they had gone to the little babies . All good!!!!

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