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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Middle child syndrome

20 replies

Pagan · 29/03/2006 14:39

I heard about this a while ago from my sis-in-law who felt she displayed some of the attributes of this. She and my DH are the two middle kids of six and I would say that being the middle kids has had some sort of effect on them - just wondered if anyone else had any experience or comments

OP posts:

cataloguequeen · 29/03/2006 14:58

my sister was a middler she always accused my mother of favouritism, truth was she got most of the attention... because she made the most demands!

What are the attributes?

Original poster

Pagan · 29/03/2006 15:02

Can be loners and not terribly good at expressing their innermost feelings; alway feel like they get less attention than the others so crave a need to be recognised; feel insecure, having to fight for the attention of parents; tend to be good negotiators

OP posts:

Kidstrack2 · 29/03/2006 15:06

My gran always said to my mum that i had middle child sydrome, my older brother got everything going and my younger sister got showered with cuddles cause she was the baby, when i was older i was closer to my gran than my mum, my gran used to buy me things and not my bro or sis, so i suppose that says it all!

Kidstrack2 · 29/03/2006 15:08

Must add though i'm most successful than my bro and sis, they are lazy down and outs living off benefits, i always had somehting to try and prove to myself, i never got encouragement from my mum for anything that i done!

Original poster

Pagan · 29/03/2006 15:14

It's strange with DH's family because they are all very successful but he and his sis seem to constantly seek approval from their parents, especially their dad, despite both now being in their 40s. Doesn't help that their dad is a bit of a control freak but the 2 eldest and 2 youngest don't seem to show the same insecurities.

OP posts:

hana · 29/03/2006 15:21

I am a middle child and don't feel any of the attributes describe me - think it has a lot to do with how parents 'parent' their children, middle or otherwise.
I did use to love going out just with my mum or dad, and wondered if people who saw us thought I was an only child.

zephyrcat · 29/03/2006 15:24

I worry about ds growing up with this. DD is very outgoing and confident, ds is quite a quiet little thing. We are just about to have another dd so I'm a bit worried they gang up on him!!

zephyrcat · 29/03/2006 15:25

I meant to say that my Mum is the eldest of 3 and her and her youngest brother have always joined forces against the middle brother who has always been a bit weird and a bit of a loner!!

Original poster

Pagan · 29/03/2006 15:29

To add, DH didn't speak until he went to school because he never had to, apparently. Everything was done for him because there were so many in the household so grunts would usually get what he wanted (not much change over the years . However the same cannot be said for the two younger than him who apparently never had any problems speaking.

OP posts:

Kathy1972 · 29/03/2006 15:50

I'm a middle child, not a loner but also def not any good at negotiating. I am good at seeing both sides of an argument, though, and always used to feel I wasn't getting my fair share of attention, but I grew out of it! I'm not sure if I believe it or not!
Anyone see that episode of Child of Our Time where they had someone who thought they could guess the place in the family of a group of adults? They got it embarrassingly wrong.

poppiesinaline · 29/03/2006 15:53

My DD is a middle child and I said to DH recently "Oh no, she has 'middle child syndrome'" to which he replied "She would have middle child syndrome even if she wasnt a middle child!"

anniemac · 29/03/2006 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nikkinoo · 29/03/2006 16:16

Osama bin laden middle child out of 27 siblings

Eulalia · 29/03/2006 16:21

Have worried about this with dd. Got boy, girl, boy but I think it helps with dd being only girl between two boys so is different anyway. However sometiems it seems like she is kind of left out if I am doing homework with ds1 and ds2 needs feeding (he is only 8 months) and she just sort of hangs around. The fact that I am aware of it though probably helps so I keep a check on it and make time for her. A lot I am sure depends on the age gap too - my 3 are quite evenly spaced so sometimes 1&2 play together then 2&3 or 1&3.

pinkdolly · 29/03/2006 16:23

Hiya,

I am also a middle child, one of 3 girls. I cant really relate to any of the attributes.

I would say that I am closer to my mum then both my sisters are. We have loads in common, including the way we raise our children, the clothes we like (she's a trendy mum only 46 me 25). We love doing loads of the same stuff. I never felt that i needed to crave attention. Although I was always very cuddly with mum (much more so than the others), and although I had friends, I didn't really feel like I needed them. But then the age gap between my sisters and I is quite small, so i played with them.

I am due in July with my 3rd girl so it will be interesting to see how dd2 copes with that.

Original poster

Pagan · 29/03/2006 16:29

More a parenting thing then??

OP posts:

Original poster

Pagan · 29/03/2006 16:29

Anniemac - what were the dynamics being the eldest girl??

OP posts:

anniemac · 29/03/2006 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kidstrack2 · 30/03/2006 10:59

would def agree that its all to do with how you parent, my mum was a crap parent so thats why i felt the way i did! i have a ds and a dd and i'm always so concious about how they are treated equally!

twocatsonthebed · 30/03/2006 11:10

I'm one of three (the oldest as it happens) but I think the dynamics change a lot as you grow up, so that different people get left out. Sometimes my brothers would gang up on me, then as teenagers, the me and the older of my brothers would gang up on 'the baby' trying to prove how grown up we were. We were all quite close in age, but I think you'll still find that things will vary once they grow up a bit.

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