any tips on getting a 4 year old to treat their friends better?

[SJaneS]

Just got back from taking my 4 year old daughter to school (she's just started). On the way we bumped into her best friend from nursery. They have been pretty close and reliant on each other in the past and I get on with her mother reasonably well. I know friendships change and 4 year olds are pretty mercurial but I get the impression she's not bothering with her old friend during school much or looking to include her and just now on the way to school she was downright obnoxious - refusing to walk up the road with the little girl, sighing and sulking.

In the past we've talked about putting ourselves in others shoes and always being kind to our friends (and everyone). Anyone got any good ideas or books on teaching the value of a good friend, empathy etc or on how to deal with this little situation? Do I even say anything at all and just leave them to sort it out?I know its not a huge deal but I felt really ashamed of her!

I know exactly what you mean.
I have had similar issues with my DD who's 5, turning 6.
Normally, she treats her friends well, but sometimes I am ashamed by how cold she can be towards them.
I too try to explain to her about friendship and try to make her think about how her friends feel. It seems to work for a while, until next time.
I too am interested to hear whether anyone has any good suggestions for dealing with this.

Tricky.... maybe when you met the girl she saw her attention with you lessening- could she have wanted to spend time with you at that point rather than her friend?

I'm afraid a lot is down to maturity and although you can encourage all the right behaviours quite a few come with time and 4 is still pretty young. DS nearly 6 is getting much more empathetic now but still has his moments, DD nearly 4 is still in the "me me me" stage and although will show empathy and kindness is basically still out for herself, which is normal for her age I think.