Tips to instill calm public behavior

[AlCookie]

My son is 6 n a half months old. He hates the car seat (would cry like crazy until removed), he is very cranky on the train - i dont understand his problem. While on the train, i would sit him up in my lap but no...within minutes he starts squirming and wants to just do god knows what. If i stand or walk around, then he is better (not great but at least lets other ppl have some peace). He also wouldnt remain in the stroller for long than 20-25 minutes. I have tried handing him toys n all but no. I feel so embarrassed when he starts off shouting in public. It seems i cant go anywhere in peace. I cant make any long trips nothing. Its so disgusting. While at home, he does not have tye habit of being held. He is mostly in the carpet, rolling and creeping around. Why cant he stand any form of 'confinement'??? Where i m going wrong. Also, i might sound 'regionalistic' but i m from india and cranky out of control infants are very common back there. Sonehow i really admire the well trained western babies. I m sirry if this statement offends anyone but i have no such intent. I always look at a calm n quiet baby here and say to myself 'there is something that they know which we dont'!

One thing that i keep noticing and feeling J about is how ppl here manage to train infants to behave calm in public places. I normally dont see babies here howling and crying on buses, trains, shopping malls. They seem to be happy in the stroller looking around. How can i get my baby used to these things or happy to be in a stroller or sitting in one place for a substancial length of time? Really...is there something u ppl know???? Any help is really welcome!

Oh this phone keypad!!! So many typos in the above post!!! Grrrr.....

First of all (and I mean this in the nicest possible way) you need to calm down! I get the feeling from your post that you're far too worried about what other people think of your baby and you as a parent when he's crying. Your Ds is still very tiny and at his age his behaviour is entirely normal if a little stressful for you.

There a couple of things that strike me about his behaviour - the "rolling" when you put him on the floor for instance. That sounds like he's itching to start crawling. When babies are about to take a developmental leap, they often become unsettled. When he's at home, can you put him on a large soft blanket on the floor with some toys just out if his reach in a safe, baby proofed area? Have you thought about a walker? They're not very popular on mn but it was a godsend with my third who was a little fusspot like yours! Just make sure he's only in it for 15/20 mins max and that the area you use it is safe (no steps, nothing to bump into etc). Otherwise I've heard great things about jumperoos although I didn't have one myself.

As for his behaviour when he's out, try not to worry if he cries in the buggy. Give yourself a time limit, say 10 mins, where you'll let him shout/grizzle before you see to him unless he's obviously in distress. You could also try using the buggy in the garden for short bursts so you can get him used to being in it in a more controlled environment.

Do you have a sling? I never used one for my first two (v relaxed) babies but with my third it was a must. Might be useful on the train particularly if you need your hands free. I had a wrap type sling borrowed from a friend - DC3 is enormous but it supported him well! If you're breast feeding still you can use the sling as cover which is a bonus.

I found that mine needed lots of stimulation at that age - lots of nursery rhymes or just talking to. I bought a forward facing pushchair which was much easier although the constant rounds of Wheels On The Bus did get a bit wearing.

There's a high needs baby support thread somewhere on Mn where you'll get some much needed support and maybe some more tips and ideas to make things less stressful for you.

Most of all remember the MN mantra - this too shall pass. Because it will honestly. My fusspot is nearing 2 and is much more likeable I promise

It always feels your baby cries outside more than any other baby.
And it bothers you (almost always) more than anyone else.

Do you mind if you hear a young baby crying? I suspect no. I might long to go and pick them up, but a lot of the time I wouldn't notice, and if I did, I wouldn't feel it was bad or the mother was doing anything wrong.

My dd2 was never happy in the buggy. I took to carrying her in the sling for ages, and once she could walk, she did generally. But sometimes she had to go in, and she would object loudly. My other two were totally happy in the buggy and would even climb in when asked.

It does get easier though. I found a piece of food, toast, or packet of raisins would act as a good bribery to be quiet in the buggy. And they get more interested in toys. And then you'll be saying to them "you're too big for the buggy... you need to walk"

I can understand your frustration, it all sounds very familiar to me! I think some babies are the 'happy to sit and watch the world go by' types and others just aren't. I used a sling for dd too as she hated the pushchair, and she was happier in that. I think you'll find that once he's walking he'll be much happier - feels ages away I know but it'll go fast.

When my dd was a baby she spent half her life howling and squirming about - now at 18 months she's a lot calmer and happier, and is a really energetic and inquisitive little thing. She used to chew and bash and grab everything in sight, scream at the slightest thing... I was dreading toddlerhood but actually it's loads better, she's really very well behaved in public most of the time, I can take her into shops with me and she'll listen when told not to touch things, and will hold my hand walking along the pavement. I'd never have seen that coming a year ago, believe me!

In terms of 'training' I think all you can do is try to carry on as usual, keep trying the things you want to do but experiment with ways of helping your ds enjoy trips out too. And don't worry what other people think - I bet during the 20 mins he's quiet in the pushchair there are plenty of other mums watching with envy and thinking 'why can't my baby sit like that?!'

Awww thank u so much. It at least feels better that i m not the only mum with an 'untrained' kid! also yes i have to stop thinking about what others may b thinking....

I hope it gets better becsuse ppl keep telling me the first 6 months are easiest....n that really really feels awful. I know its gonna get harder in many different ways but i m still waiting for this baby stage to pass

No way! The first 6 months are the HARDEST!!!

Thank u so much ellesabe!!!!!! I cant thank u enough for that statement!

I really hope i find it that way and then tell all those smarties to shut up!!!!!

In fact i think i m gonna start a new thread with this thought

Oh yes, the first six months are definitely the hardest. It will get easier, I promise you

Thanks devora!!! I cant tell u how much this means to me! By the way...i have just started a new discussion on this - would like to see more views on what ppl think of the first 6 months.....

My DD was exactly like this. I remember walking home crying after meeting my antenatal group for a coffee, as all their babies just sat there happily whereas mine was squirmy and miserable. It got loads better though, the older they get & the more interested they become in the world. Give it a month or so & I expect things will be a lot easier! The first six months are hard hard hard!

You only see calm quiet babies because the mums of screaming babies are frantically walking them around the park trying to get them to sleep! Or was that just me?

Your son sounds a bit like my DD. She was really eager to be on the move, and very interested in the world, so frustrated when she couldn't do anything. The pre-walking stage was a bit of a nightmare and trips always involved at least one meltdown. Now she is a happy excitable inquisitive toddler, who is much easier to handle :)

Willsingforcake - thanks a ton for the beautiful words ' first 6 months r hard hard hard' its such a welcome statement!! I also think that once he is walking around on his own he should be easier in terms of bring self occupied (though i know it will require so much more watching on my part to keep him safe). This ultra dependent helpless baby phase (the great 6 months) was too tough or at least i took it really hard! I hope i get a little easy going too....

Wanderingalbatross - good point....may be the cranky ones r out with their mothers trying to get them settled. I forgot to notice that