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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help with baby who hates everything except being held

6 replies

Tryingtobenice · 30/09/2012 16:52

And held in a particular forward facing sitting up position at that. Whilst we walk round. We can't sit. We can't stand still.

DD is 17 weeks and lovely and lively and engaged. In a rough 'easy' routine but the activity is full on parental play. we get 30 mins of feed, 40 mins sleep and in between we have 2 hours of singing, playing, pulling faces and walking, walking walking. It's mentally (& physically) exhausting. She is ebf if that matters.

She hates her pram, pushchair, car seat and sling. She can just aboutstand the baby bjorn for short periods.

My problem: my mum has been flooded, losteverything and made homeless. She is a widow and i am an only child. I have to help her. Ihave a 4 hour car journey to get to my mum and my baby will screamthe whole time until she is asleep. I have to stop every 10 mins to cuddle and calm or try to feed to sleep. When i am there i need to be able to help my mum, not just baby watch. Obviously cuddles from the first grandchild will really help cheer her up but a bit of practical help from me is needed.

I've heard all the 'enjoy the cuddles' stuff but a) she isn't cuddling, she's expecting transportation! B) i have to be able to do stuff.

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MamaBear17 · 30/09/2012 19:40

I have no real advice, other than I have been there with a demanding baby and I know how exhausting it can be. At about your babies age I did start putting her down in her bouncy chair and trying to distract her with toys and singing. It did work and gave my arms a rest but was hard work still because I still had to entertain her. In the car, because I had a rear facing car seat I found she screamed because she couldn't see me. I bought a bright stars travel mirror from asda for about £8 and hung it over the headrest so that when I looked over my shoulder I could see her and she could see me (albeit the back of my head, still it worked!).The one thing I will say is that during the demanding stage many people would tell me that it was because she was a clever baby. I thought this was just a kindly meant platitude but as she grew and could do things for herself she did calm down a lot. My dd is now 14 months and she is just delightful and the hell that was the first 6 months seems a long time away! Being able to sit up was the first milestone that led to an improvement in behaviour and she did this at 4 1/2 months. By 5 1/2 months she was crawling and at 6 months she could cruise around the furniture. As soon as she could do these things for herself she calmed down and now she is walking she is capable of entertaining herself for a short while (whilst being supervised of course). I know that doesn't help you right now, but it will get better.

ruby22 · 01/10/2012 10:05

Was just about to say the same my 2nd child was like this and life was so so hard but around the 8 month mark things got better. It will get better. It just doesn't,t feel right now like it ever will. Ignore all advice from well meaning friends etc if she cries give her the comfort she needs by cuddling etc, leaving her to cry will just end up in both of you getting more upset.

Trouble100 · 01/10/2012 14:35

My sympathies! My first child was like this and it is SUCH hard work. All I can offer in the way of advice is:

singing in the car - DD was either asleep or screaming. I could divert a bit of screaming by singing random songs over and over again at high volume (so she could hear it over the screaming) much to annoyance of anyone else in the car.
musical mobile over the cot - would give me about 30 mins break before she got bored. nothing else came close this. in fact, now i think about it, sometimes i even had to sit with her whilst she watched it....

sorry to say it but I couldn't really do anything whilst she was awake.

BUT it does get better. She's now 4 and still prefers to have someone play with her than entertain herself but is very independent when it comes to practical things.. and i've replaced the singing in the car with a DVD player (bliss)

Limbo1 · 01/10/2012 18:07

I know it is not always popular but I am a bit of a fan of tough love for babies.
I control cried both my babies and it did work. I certainly would not stop a car to comfort a baby in my opnion you are just teaching her that crying gets your attension. But as I say not everyone agrees with me and it is hard to hear your child cry and not go to them.

As to between naps/feeds then try the bouncy chair or I had a jumperroo - great! Sat in the corner of the kitchen so when I was cooking etc the baby was in it jumping, playing etc but he/she could see me and we could interact. I also had a playpen in the kitchen for the same reason and to keep them same in a dangerous place.

Good luck and she will not be doing it when she is 5!

Original poster

Tryingtobenice · 02/10/2012 12:40

Thanks for replies. Miracles do happen. We''ve managed London to Leicester without a squeak! Roll on leicester to Leeds!

OP posts:

MigGril · 02/10/2012 17:24

I'd try again with the sling. some times it take a while for them to get used to it. But at lest they are being cuddled while crying.

As 17 Weeks they are incapable of learning that when they cry you come. they don't get cause and effect until at lest 18 months. so by ignoring they will stop crying but only because they learn to not cry as they conserve energy by stopping.

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