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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please everyone read and advise, I am at my wit's end

126 replies

Yorkiegirl · 21/03/2006 21:59

DD2 is very nearly 2. For the last few weeks she has wailed for several hours a day. The rest of the time she is absolutely fine, plays nicely etc. But when she wails she really screams, on and on, never ending.
She has been poorly recently but she was screaming like this long before she was ill. She wants me to just hold her all the time, that is often the only way to stop her screaming. But then at other times she continues with the screaming while sitting on my knee or being held.
I have no let up from her. This afternoon it was non-stop from when I picked her up from the childminder's until about 30 minutes ago. Wailing. Shrieking. Moaning.
I am reaching the end of my tether. I can do nothing lately. I have been really ill this last week so as you can imagine, having a toddler who is so demanding has worn me down even more. I don't know what to do with her. So often nothing I do will placate her. It is not just me as I have a friend visiting at the moment and she is bewildered by it too.
Please help me!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

starlover · 21/03/2006 22:49

so it doesn't build up from whingeing or anything? just straight into the screaming?

Original poster

Yorkiegirl · 21/03/2006 22:51

straight into screaming.
She had her ears checked a couple of days ago. No infection or anything else.
It can be a bit on and off yes. The moaning and wailing that is
She is wailing in my room with DH atm.

OP posts:

meggmoo · 21/03/2006 22:52

Yorkie.
I don't have anything particularly constructive to say but wanted to echo that you are not alone. I have experience of exactly the same, my ds is 22 months and has been like this on and off since he was about 10 months old. I remember he got so bad at one point that I had to tie him to me using a pashmina type scarf (all day - if I put him down or ignored him he would stop breathing, get terribly upset and vomit ) by the time dh came home I would be shaking and sobbing with exhaustion (I have no family support here) Like you say, there can be periods of time where he will play so nicely and will be giggly that it puzzles me even more

Personally I think it was/is mixture of frustration(at not being able to communicate fully with me) and the pain of teething
I recently went to stay with my Mother and had been telling her how bad it could be and she brushed me off by saying I was a typical first time mum etc, luckily for me she then saw it first hand (for about four days in a row)and she couldn't believe it with her own eyes and she commended me for getting through it - which really meant alot to me.

You are not alone - I hope you get better days than bad. Do you have a really nice distraction for her. I find some days I can get him to calm down if I give him a little goal/treat.

Original poster

Yorkiegirl · 21/03/2006 22:52

it is like having 2 different children. when she is not screaming she is lively, chatty, engaging, a delight to be with.
Then a switch is made and she turns into a screaming banshee

OP posts:

misdee · 21/03/2006 22:53

hmmmmm,

what is she eating? have yu heard of the dirty dozen food additives? they can cause problems like screeching.

Or she could just be vying for you attention. what are you doing when she is doing this? picking her up and cuddling her? or just ignoring it.

starlover · 21/03/2006 22:53

so there are 2 options treally

attention seeking/behavioural thing

or she is in pain.

have you had her tested for food allergies at all? i'm wondering if there is something that she is having fairly regularly that is causing her a nasty tummy ache or sometihng

Sparklemagic · 21/03/2006 22:53

Poor you yorkie, I really feel for you with this. I think it's worth re-approaching your GP specifically about this, and your health visitor if they can find her!

Do you think she needs sleep in the day? Is it possible she may have headaches or something - could you try a good dose of calpol or infant medicine to see if this had an effect?

Obviously you'll have to go through all possible phyical causes first but if GP says all is well physically (might he do allergy tests?) then maybe you could try completely ignoring her. Perhaps get right down to her, look her in the eye and say something like "I have had enough of this silly noise. You will have some time out to stop this noise" and then give her time out in her room, two minutes. Have you tried time out, treating this as purely a behavioural thing?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/03/2006 22:54

TAke her back to the docs YG.

Original poster

Yorkiegirl · 21/03/2006 22:54

have tried time out, no difference.
calpol changes nothing either

OP posts:

Miaou · 21/03/2006 22:54

Ok - perhaps you can build up some associations for her. Screaming - no attention. No screaming - lots of attention.

So when she starts, move away from her, no eye contact, no talking. As soon as she stops (ie the second she stops!) - smile at her, talk to her, go towards her, engage with her if there is time to do so before she starts again (if she does). The second she starts screaming again, move away from her, avoid eye contact, etc. If she follows you/hits you, ignore her. But make sure that even if she stops for five seconds, she gets positive attention for that five seconds. After a bit she may (hopefully) see the connection and stop the screaming.

HTH.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/03/2006 22:55

Ask for further checks on her ears eyes and general wellbeing. Ask to have checks on allergies or intolerances.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/03/2006 22:57

Actually do a mix of both mine and Miaou's suggestions

CHICagoMUM · 21/03/2006 22:57

Misdee I am interested in the list you are quotimg as dd periodically complaining of "tummy ache" (quite frequently) so I would like to see if there is any food connection.

starlover · 21/03/2006 22:57

agree wtih miaou

but would definitely take her back to the GP and explain your concerns and see if they will test her for allergies or if they have any other ideas on anything physical it may be

jumpingjackflash · 21/03/2006 22:57

It sounds more than just attention seeking. It sounds like something is upsetting her diet. My DS changed in an instant when giving certain food additives (ie. Sunset yellow food and stuff found in orange foods). It might be worth a try just cutting out anything like this and seeing if it changes. Also, dairy products can cause awful stomach pain too. I really think you MUST go to your GP and talk it through and see if the HV can help too. This is very, very tiring for you and I wish you all the best in finding help.

Miaou · 21/03/2006 22:59

Hmmm yes, dairy products was what was in my mind when asking about allergies - you can have a dairy intolerance and it not make you sick necessarily. Wheat too.

Original poster

Yorkiegirl · 21/03/2006 23:00

she eats a generally very healthy diet. Not a lot of artificial colours, in fact none to be honest. She eats mountains of fruit. Tonight for her tea she ate a big plate of pasta and pesto and then a bowl of strawberries and grapes

OP posts:

misdee · 21/03/2006 23:00

\link{http://aca.ninemsn.com.au/factsheets/1887.asp\here} lists additives and preservatives and their effects.

Original poster

Yorkiegirl · 21/03/2006 23:00

thanks misee, I will have a look at that list.
Thanks everyone else too. I really don't knwo what to do with her

OP posts:

starlover · 21/03/2006 23:00

yes, my cousin has terrible tummy upsets with wheat and dairy. it's mainly the wheat though

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/03/2006 23:01

I was allergic to strawberries as a child.

Original poster

Yorkiegirl · 21/03/2006 23:02

she has eaten strawberries for ages tho, and this reaction has only happened for the last few weeks. Plus I have only bought strawbs this week for the first time since October!

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/03/2006 23:02

DP has a reaction to alot of acidic types of fruit - pineapple, tomatoes, oranges, kiwis etc are a bit no no.

starlover · 21/03/2006 23:03

YG try keeping a food diary and see if there is anything that seems to trigger it.
or something she is having at every meal

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/03/2006 23:04

There are so many different things to be allergic too i suppose isnt there!

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