20 mo old getting me down:(

[mummytasha11]

Sorry to ramble but here I go

Every meal time is a battle - wont eat meal with out a fight just wants pudding/yoghurt
Tantrum/screaming when I say no to anything or take any thing he shouldn't have off him
Not sharing with other children and shouting at people including grandparents
Not napping so he's even worse by about 3,4pm then it's a longgg wait till bedtime

Really getting me down at the minute and not sure if I'm doing something wrong for him to be behaving like this

Took him to an indoor play centre yesterday and it was hell - wouldn't follow or listen when I said to come this way or that way...screamed blue murder when picked up or reasoning with

To add salt in the wound - I am doing this all alone at the minute and feel like I'm a bad mum

You're not a bad mum
Nothing helpful to add as my ds is 5 months younger and has just started tantrums.
Watching with interest though......l

Going through exactly the same - DS exactly the same age. From the minute he gets up everything is met with a moody 'NO!' and normally flinging himself onto the floor and wailing.
DS managed to bash his head very spectacularly yesterday after I unreasonably wouldn't let him have toffee cake for breakfast.
I just keep telling myself it's a normal phase and trying not to lose my temper more than 5x before breakfast a day.
Keep going, you're not a crap mum - or rather, if you are, I am too.

You aren't a bad mum. This is normal toddler behaviour I reckon.

if he won't nap have you tried an earlier bedtime - eg 6 pm? could be chronically overtime.

overtired , not overtime throws phone on floor in a fit of pique

Sounds like you are having a tough time. I am a single parent, ds sees his dad 2 or 3 hours a week that I have to organise. It is hard work and draining being in charge of every little thing, food, discipline, sleep, play, baths, teeth etc etc.

Not sharing - totally normal at this age and for a while longer. I just try and encourage him to take turns, not snatch too much etc.

Shouting - I tell him "I can hear you if you speak in a quiet voice." He quite often copies for about 10 seconds.

I really don't want food to be a battlezone here. Ds is skinny so I don't make a fuss if he wants pudding first, he often will eat a bit and then some main course so what's the difference what order it goes in. Personal choice though, I might not be so lax if he wasn't very thin.

How is his speech? Ds gets frustrated I think as he is behind. Encouraging pointing (two choices of snack, story etc and he points to his prefered) and simple signs - milk, food, help him get what he wants. Always have food on you as this could be another reason for meltdowns or atleast a distraction out of them.

Agree he could also be overtired.

re food, I'd drop the pudding (really we don't need them). Just offer food in a farm non fussy manner if he eats any of it make a big deal lots of fuss. If he doesn't simply clear food away with no fuss. Then if he's still hungry offer a snack at lest an hour after the meal so he doesn't see it as an alternative.

The other behaviour sounds totally normal for a child this age, really can't get DS to behaviour or follow when wee are out somewhere exciting like soft play. He's 23 months.

Well too young to understand sharing, too young to talk properly, too young to control his emotions. It's bloody hard but normal.

With DS (he's now 2.11), we taught him signs so if he wanted something he could sign (e.g food, drink etc).

Meal times - sounds mad but give him a small bite to eat beforehand so he's not hungry. Because if he is, he will just want comfort food and NOW. I'm like that when hungry!

Is he having regular snacks? Use snacks as bribery e.g come here and have your biscuit.

Soft play is hell on earth IMO. I wouldn't take an under 2

Napping - what have you tried? I would have to sit with DS to make sure he slept. Nap at 12pm after an early lunch then early bed at 6.30pm.

Try not to say no. Tell him what to do instead and distract him. So if he wants to climb in the oven, put on a sing song voice (feeling like an idiot at the time) and say "DS look at this x/y/z". Still works even now but you have to really put some feeling into the voice

Thanks everyone
Today has been a better day.

Will try and remind myself it's just a phase and frustration

Smile through gritted teeth and pretend you don't care. Just had tea and my boy announced he doesn't like pasta despite eating it yesterday. I just said ok well don't eat it then and ate mine. He did have some when he thought I wasn't looking but we've had plenty times when I've just tidied it away after a while and he's not had any. It's not ideal but way better than making food a battle ground. He's healthy and eats at other times fine. Everything is a phase.

Probably means your DS is clever. He has his own ideas and is prepared to fight for them.

My tips (fwiw- I only have 1 DS, 25mo) would be:

Baby proof the house so you don't have to say 'no' so much at home. Some people say don't baby proof and teach 'no' but I would rather pick my battles.

Spend as much time as possible in the great outdoors. Invest in the right clothing and go out to safe places where he can be free as much as possible. I live in our local woods.

Don't sweat over food. Some days meals get eaten, other days it's grazing. I don't offer junk food but if one day he'd rather eat a banana every hour than face a meal I just run with it.

No tips for sleep, my DS is a useless sleeper. We've cut his day nap because it meant bedtime was a nightmare. However, he is now pretty unreasonable from 4-ish onwards. I let him watch cbeebies then.

When the talking kicks in things get better. Chin up and good luck!