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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Three months old too young for sleep training?

64 replies

Mandinga79 · 20/08/2012 21:31

I'm in a quandary. My three month old has slept pretty much through the night (from about 9:30 until 4:30) since he was about two weeks old, for which I feel extremely lucky, especially as he is exclusively breast-fed. We have a strict bedtime routine in place of bath-feed-bed starting around 8pm every night. My problem is that he will not fall and then stay asleep unless he falls asleep on the breast, then is held for about an hour until he is deeply asleep, when he is transferred extremely carefully into his cot. On the rare occasion he wakes up in the night for a feed I can usually get him back in his cot after a 20 minute feed, without the holding part, mercifully. He does, however, need the feeding and holding to get him down for naps during the day as well which he HAS to have or he's demon-baby. I've tried putting him in his cot when he's drowsy but not asleep after a feed for naps or bedtime - this does not work for him. Eyelids fly open, he starts to look panicked and whimpering escalates into screaming. I tried pat-shh today for his morning nap which just ended up being a hands-on controlled cry. After screaming for an hour and a half to the point of gagging, he finally fell asleep exhausted, but only stayed asleep for half an hour, when he'd normally have a good two to three hours. I think he was starving from the effort of screaming. I really don't want him to get into the habit of relying on feeding then prolonged holding for all naps and bedtime as it will be hard to break later, especially as he'll probably be starting nursery around 9 months. But then I don't want to introduce a sleep training method that he's too young for and which may upset the good sleep habits he does have in place. Help? Please?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Iggly · 20/08/2012 21:50

Leave him be and do what works. The difference between a 3 month old and a 9 month baby is immense!!!

Reassess when baby is nearer to 8 months and give yourself a month to make changes if you need to, although nurseries are used to having to cuddle babies for naps!

Original poster

Mandinga79 · 21/08/2012 06:52

Nursery is only one far off consideration though. I'd love to just give him a feed then put him down and not spend hours of the day and night parked on my backside with him lying on me praying he doesn't wake up!

OP posts:

MamaBear17 · 21/08/2012 07:18

I think I started sleep training at 5 months, before that she would only sleep on me and went down at night in a similar way to how you describe. By the time she went to nursery at 9 months she was taking her naps in a bouncy chair and being rocked to sleep. I was worried that the nursery would complain that she was in a bad habit, but they just said they would do whatever was needed. Sometimes they rock her in a bouncy chair and sometimes they put her in a cot and she drops off. I would wait until your baby is nearer to six months before you start training x

maples · 21/08/2012 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

louloutheshamed · 21/08/2012 07:27

It is completely normal for a three month old baby to need comfort and help
Going to sleep.

You don't know are born having a baby who sleeps through at his age!

Please don't do cc on a tiny baby like this

BigusBumus · 21/08/2012 07:28

I am sure I will get flamed, but I did CC for my babies very early on. Around 12 weeks or so. Generally the first night they cried for an hour, 2nd night it wa 20 mins, 3rd night it was 5mins and after that they never cried on going to bed at all and have always been great sleepers. You have to have nerves of steel and once you start you can't give up or you will have put your baby through it for nothing. Not saying you should do this, as its not for everyone, but just that this i what i did and it worked for me.

GhouliaYelps · 21/08/2012 07:33

But he sleeps well. This is far too early for any kind if sleep training, he needs comfort and reassurance. If anything CC will mess up his sleep patterns further for reasons you described - after crying so much they fall into a deep sleep then wake hungry and panicked.

In a nutshell this is just too young.

jaggythistle · 21/08/2012 07:35

12 week old crying for an hour? :( not sure nerves of steel is what I'd call it.

3 months is tiny and feeding and cuddling to sleep is perfectly normal. you'll have plenty of years of not sitting cuddling.

i thought even the guy who wrote about cc said not till age 1?

louloutheshamed · 21/08/2012 07:41

Well if nerves of steel are what is required to listen to a 12 week old baby crying for an hour, then i don't have nerves of steel, and I am Glad of it!

Iggly · 21/08/2012 07:45

I'm willing to bet that your baby would have been a good sleeper regardless of training at 3 months. We tried sleep training with ds at 6 months and made not a jot of difference (not CC, just pick up put down) - because he was woken up by wind etc.

Babies that young have no sense of object permanence ie that once you're gone you'll come back. They just think you're gone. An hour of crying just seems a bit wrong to me.

lindsell · 21/08/2012 08:01

I can't cope (as in get agitated and upset myself) if my 3mo cries for 5mins while I'm dealing with my 3.5yo I can't imagine leaving him alone leaving him to scream for 1.5hr until he gags Yes it is frustrating when he won't sleep in the day unless on me/in car/occasionally in pram but I know he needs a bit of extra comfort to get to sleep particularly if he's got a bit overtired so I pop him in the sling and get on with whatever I need to do - means you don't have to sit still with him but he still has the comfort of being near you.

When he goes down at night he usually bfs for about an hour on off and will then go down in his carrycot (while still awake) and settle himself to sleep. It usually takes a few pick up, feed again, put down again though for him to be relaxed enough to settle himself rather than do the startle thing you describe.

My ds1 was exactly the same at 3mo but by 6/7mo he naturally was able to nap/sleep better in his cot without needing the movement/comfort during the day and I didn't need to do any sleep training. While it may work for some I personally couldn't cope with letting him scream.

jaggythistle · 21/08/2012 08:10

I'm the same lindsell. i can hardly concentrate at all on dealing with any toddler related emergency if my 4mo is crying. :)

i can almost understand posts about 'sleep problems' in tiny babies if people are up all night and day and desperate. Considering it if your baby has been sleeping all night for weeks confuses me though.

at 3 months most people have been up at least once every night and many sitting cluster feeding on the couch for hours in the evening till baby finally settles for a while.

Tee2072 · 21/08/2012 08:11

Yes. Three months old is too young for sleep training.

In fact, IMHO, all ages are too young for sleep training.

But it's not necessarily a popular opinion.

seeker · 21/08/2012 08:13

You let a hungry 12 week old baby scream for an hour and a half? Words fail me.............

jaggythistle · 21/08/2012 08:13

I've never done any sleep training either, i guess you're not alone. :)

noblegiraffe · 21/08/2012 08:23

You'll hit the four month sleep regression soon and it'll all go to pot then anyway, sleep training or no sleep training.

seeker · 21/08/2012 08:29

Maybe she'll leave him to cry for 2 hours then? 3?

BillComptonstrousers · 21/08/2012 08:30

I think it's disgusting you let a 12 week old baby cry for an hour, really, really awful and stressful for a baby that tiny.

MrsBucketxx · 21/08/2012 08:31

what you have described sounds perfectly normal. i fed ds to sleep for about six months, stick with what works why stress a 12 week old anymore than they have to be.

baby wont understand shats happening if you do it this early, from six months is whats best.

MrsBucketxx · 21/08/2012 08:32

thats not shats

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 21/08/2012 08:35

I did pick up put down at 4 months with my DD for daytime naps, so she was never left alone to cry it out. That method can be take a number of days and a lot of picking up and putting down, but it was the one I felt most comfortable with and it did work, but required consistency. I think that method is from Tracy Hogg's Baby Whisperer. Her sleeping training was the only thing in her book I found helpful.

I did read a fair amount of books though and took ideas from each one that worked for me. I read Marc Weissbluth's book called Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and I found a lot of his advice about sleep very helpful but ignored the CC suggestion and did PUPD iyswim?

Your baby is very young. As others have said 9 months is a long time away, and of course teething and sleep regressions and growth spurts will foul things up. I would wait a while yet tbh.

tholeon · 21/08/2012 08:55

Was agonising over sleep training issues when my four month old ended up on a ventilator in intensive care for a week. I couldn't hear him cry because of the breathing tube in his mouth, let alone pick him up. He is now, touch wood, a happy and confident three year old. Always think that puts things in perspective when people talk about cc and cortisol levels. Still, couldn't have left my three month old to cry for an hour knowing I could do something to stop it.

Brandnewbrighttomorrow · 21/08/2012 09:12

Some babies need a little more help than others to get to and stay asleep - if your baby has slept through well previously chances are they'll do it again. There are lots of things that can disrupt sleep - development stage, illness, change of routine. Stick to what works for your baby - you want bedtime and sleep time to be a peaceful, loving experience, not a pitched battle! I'm not sure it's helpful to expect a small baby to sleep through - if they do, fantastic, but if not it is not a) unusual or b) necessarily a bad thing. I know the sleep deprivation is hellish at the time but try to focus on the positive, you get to snuggle your baby without interruptions when the world is quiet and still, I have lovely memories of doing that with my three.

Original poster

Mandinga79 · 21/08/2012 09:18

I didn't leave a 'hungry' 3 month old to cry for an hour and a half - since he'd fed for 45 minutes just before putting him in his cot I wasn't ignoring feeding signs. I also didn't leave him by himself - I had a hand on him patting, stroking, singing the whole time. The only thing I didn't do was pick him up because pat shh says not to. Flaming isn't nice, K? We're all trying to do the best for our kids. x

I've also googled cortisol and sleep training and the only consensus about it is there isn't one - in fact, the top article in the search, which appeared to be based on sound research, suggested that sleep training from as young as three months is fine and the short term stress for baby lessens longer term ones.

However, I think I may leave it for another month or two if, as some on here have said, there may be more changes which will send it all to pot anyway. Thanks for the help - all (constructive) suggestions welcome!

PS I think he mostly sleeps through the night because he's a big baby. Mum said I slept through the night from about 2 weeks also so I've just got very lucky in that regard. I know I'm guilding the lily a bit by wanting more, hence my concern at messing up the great sleep he already gets!

OP posts:

RaisinDEtre · 21/08/2012 09:24

ummmm crying is a very late feeding cue

jus' sayin'

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