lies, lies, lies

[sansouci]

dd is lying -- too well. I wish I could say badly but for a 5.6 yr old, she's doing extremely well.

The latest lie was about her homework. Oh no Mummy, we just have to do this. There's no reading tonight.

Lies.

I blew up. Smacked her. Screamed "I hate liars!" at her. Denied her all treats, playing after school with her best friend, etc. I also asked dh to have a word.

So this morning, he said "what do you think we should do about your lying?" "Go to church more often, Dadddy", said she, RC to the core.

It doesn't wash with me.

I'm so upset & a bit too much wine has been consumed this p.m.

Does anyone else have a kid who lies well enough to qualify as a lawyer?

Help.

My ds1 6.11yrs is an awful liar. He turns on the water works and shouts and screams his innocense. Then dh takes his side and I just end up pulling out clumps of hair. He lies at school and when he's with his grandparents. It isn't just at home. It really gets me down and he's so bloody bright he knows how to win his dad round.

Thank you! I don't mind criticism as long as it's constructive. It gave me food for thought, which is exactly what I needed. Dd does seem happy & well-adjusted so I was making a mountain out of a molehill!

I'm really pleased I inspired farfaraway to post again. The weather down here is really dreadful. Truly not one sign of spring. Where in France are you, farfar?

My mother & stepfather are coming to stay (in her own place) for about 6 weeks & she's great at taking the pressure off.

And now, the horrible truth : I'm a brilliant liar when I have to be (to spare someone's feelings for example) but try to avoid it because it really complicates life & makes me feel guilty.

Glad you're feeling better sansouci.

Well it is only lunch time & I haven't hit the bottle yet.

Probably posting when pissed is not such a good idea.

sansouci, I think it might help if you change the ay you think about your dd lying. The words you use are very highly charged and judgemental - you mention deviousness and cunning, heavy terms in which to think of a five year old! ADULTS who knowingly lie to cause upset, yes describe them like that, but a five year old, I don't think so.

That's what childhood is FOR - to learn how to be a well rounded pleasant grown up who adds something to the world in some way by existing - ideally! She can only learn this by experience andpart of that is the experience of why telling the truth feels better than lying. If truth is accepted gently and kindly then that feels better to a child than an angry reaction. Children will go along way to stave off an angry reaction and who can blame them! I personally think some of these childish lies are not a sign of cunning, more the opposite, as it's most likely they will be found out anyway!

When it happens it's just a chance for you to teach her - that's maybe the way to think about it. FWIW, I think conscience takes a long time to develop during childhood and children need lots of guidance with it. Partly because they ARE egocentric as children (method of survival built into human psyche!).

HTH???

Meant to say Sansouci I have read all your posts and I completely understand why you blew up this time, what with the stress you've been under etc - and you had dealt with her extremely well re: the previous lying incident, so I'm not saying you haven't been doing the right thing - I'm just saying keep on with it really.

Sorry to butt in on this conversation, first time ive spoke. Sansouci you've had a real grillin the last couple of days,why? because you never lied about how you felt. Lucky your strong enough to admit it wasnt a good idea. If you hadnt been as stong as you are you may have in the future feel about lying when you feel like smacking your kids. Both my DD aged 4 and my DS aged 7 can tell lies fantastically. When you know they are lying, laugh at them. Cant do much about the lying but it make you feel better. Also my DD is convinced that if she lies her tongue goes black so if she wont show me her tongue I know she's lying (I know this one wont work 4eva!). We lie to them tho, we tell them needles wont hurt a bit, we tell them about father christmas, the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny (most of these are wrapped up with a bit of bribery as well!!)Sometimes things catch us off guard tho and you need to try and stay on step ahead, be as prepared for lies as you are for tantrums etc. I have often had to walk away and put a door between me and my DC's. I admire your honesty, even tho it was wine induced. If you go mad when they lie, they will only strive to become more acomplished, if you make it a triviality it will lose its point.
I will get off my soap box now - going to have sunday lunch mmmmmmmmmmmm!!

Hi Sansouci... I must admit I did a sharp intake of breath through my teeth (just like the mechanics do when they see my car)when I saw you mentioned the s word.... but like you say if you can't be honest on MN where can you!!
I must say it sounds like a normal childhood phase... and thats just what it is a phase...
I must admit I do think you over reacted a tad!
I just wondered how you're feeling in yourself?? are you PMTing or feeling alittle stressed... I don't know your circumstance but wondered if you could make some me time for yourself... to help you unwind....