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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

lies, lies, lies

83 replies

sansouci · 08/03/2006 21:23

dd is lying -- too well. I wish I could say badly but for a 5.6 yr old, she's doing extremely well.

The latest lie was about her homework. Oh no Mummy, we just have to do this. There's no reading tonight.

Lies.

I blew up. Smacked her. Screamed "I hate liars!" at her. Denied her all treats, playing after school with her best friend, etc. I also asked dh to have a word.

So this morning, he said "what do you think we should do about your lying?" "Go to church more often, Dadddy", said she, RC to the core.

It doesn't wash with me.

I'm so upset & a bit too much wine has been consumed this p.m.

Does anyone else have a kid who lies well enough to qualify as a lawyer?

Help.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

starlover · 08/03/2006 21:25

i think it's an age thing. they all do it.

i think the best thing you can do is let her find out that there are consequences for her lies.

so if she says she has no homework then say "ok dear" and let her get in trouble at school.
and read her the story of the boy who cried wolf etc etc.
explain why it's bad to lie, that people will never believe her and that she will get into trouble

crazydazy · 08/03/2006 21:25

Ooops sansouci you said the dreaded "smack" word. Be prepared to be shot down in flames.

Yes I have a little liar too (she's 6) and blames everything on her little brother. She will look me straight in the eye and say she hasn't done it even when she knows for a fact I know she has.

Original poster

sansouci · 08/03/2006 21:27

I don't care. When my dc push me to the far edge of beyond, they get a smack on the bum. It worked for me; it works for them.

OP posts:

spidermama · 08/03/2006 21:30

I have a seven year old liar who is struggling. I agree about letting her learn the consequences of her lies. Btw it's supposed to be a sign of intelligence. Not very helpful I know.

Sorry if I'm stating the obviousl but I think you need to make it clear it's the lying you hate and not her.

Piffle · 08/03/2006 21:31

I was a pathological liar as a child. I also stole - odd things to inconvenience my mum.
I know exactly why I did and this is only me - not any reflection or implication on you sansouci...
My mother was very strong, vocal and highly critical with enormous expectations of me and she went into rages where she lost control. I tried to control her and do stuff that she would never notice, it was like a competition to trip her up. The lies that she never found out were victories.

crazydazy · 08/03/2006 21:31

Oh don't worry I am not against a smack on the bum on occasions and admit to having done it myself.

cod · 08/03/2006 21:31

you old cow sans ssoucci
smackign her is not going to help

Piffle · 08/03/2006 21:31

The boy who cried wolf is worth reiterating, it did tap my conscience.

cod · 08/03/2006 21:32

adn i tdidnt work for you did it?
you aheve a dd who feels hte need to lie to you

Original poster

sansouci · 08/03/2006 21:33

I think I wanted to imply that I hated her . I was so angry that she had betrayed my trust - again - that I wanted to hurt her right back. I'm a sicko mother, I know, but if I can't tell MN, who can I tell? It hurts v. much.

OP posts:

Original poster

sansouci · 08/03/2006 21:35

A cow & a cod, eh? Don't care; hurts too much.

OP posts:

cod · 08/03/2006 21:35

well next time you wantt os mack her and i knwo the urge

save it for a relal y seroious transgression (not lying abotu homework)

coutn to 10 bbefore you do and maybe the feelign will go

Pruni · 08/03/2006 21:35

Piffle, are you still a liar? My brother sounds a lot like you were as a kid. He once told us he used to plan lies for days, playing out all the options and working out a game plan for all the eventualities.
he is v bright but totally directionless and unhappy, can't maintain relationships, tends towards violence a little. I have little to do with him - the lying got too hard as well as the other stuff - but lately he seems to have stopped. I always wonder if he's playing us yet again - did you just change or do you still do it?

cod · 08/03/2006 21:36

i stoel money form my brothers money bank when i was about 7

mum aksed me if i had
and i said no
kniew i woudl be in BIG TRUB if i told her so luied

misdee · 08/03/2006 21:36

so she got lots of punishments for one lie?

dd1 tells fibs, dd2 doesnt. dd2 will admit to everything she has done, dd1 will deny it even if i saw her doing it.

tbh at the age of 6, i check dd1 book bag for homework, then we go through it together.

soapbox · 08/03/2006 21:37

sansouci - this is an extreme reaction to a normal phase of childhood

You smacked her, screamed at her - wanted her to know you hated her!

Blimey! What are you going to do when the serious stuff starts!

I think you need to take a long, hard look at yourself - I think you might find that teh problem is as much yours as hers!

Piffle · 08/03/2006 21:39

No I'm not a liar now - although I do not always tell the whole truth to dp mostly about my credit card bill
I am secretive at worst but not deceitful
I was involved in a very destructive relationship with my mother which continues to this day.
If you think its personal between you and her get to counselling - I wish beyond wish that my mum had helped to fix things. it would have made huge differences to our lives.

cod · 08/03/2006 21:39

oh am so on soapys box

Piffle · 08/03/2006 21:40

How freaky I've actually gog goosebumps thinking about this, I have not thought about in yonks...

Original poster

sansouci · 08/03/2006 21:41

Dd has so far (to my knowledge) lied about 1. chewing gum (she actually picks it up off the ground & chews it - puke! - some got stuck in her hair so that's how I found out about it); 2. "lost" heart necklace (she finally admitted to playing with it & then losing it after days of "I never touched it; I haven't seen it!!!") 3. now the homework. She's having extra lessons because she's behind in her reading. We speak English at home but at school it's French. I think she lacks concentration but the teacher says it's because of language.

OP posts:

cod · 08/03/2006 21:41

well no wonder she doent want to tlel you the truth asyou whack her
these are hardly criems of the century

soapbox · 08/03/2006 21:43

And...

So what!

All children do it- it is part of growing up- discovering that they are separate beings from us, and that they can have thoughts and do things that we don't know about!

crazydazy · 08/03/2006 21:44

I think she must be a very clever little girl if at age 5 she can speak english and french!

Sod the homework.

misdee · 08/03/2006 21:45

no wonder she lies if that is your reaction.

Piffle · 08/03/2006 21:45

How about offering a reward or praise or privilege for a truth.
With ds I always told him that any truth however bad was always preferable to a lie and that I would never punish him for a truth.
So when he spilt green ink all over his bedroom carpet, he came down and told me (he is 12)
I did also tell him that if I ever caught him out on a lie there would be serious repercussions and I would lose my trust in him which he would regret when it mattered.

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