Unhappy 3 year old - sorry bit long

[lazyeye]

Hi all,

Looking for wee bit of advice or even reassurance here.

I am becoming increasingly worried about my 3 yr old son. Generally, I'd have to say he is quite unhapppy and difficult. Hes very hard work in terms of behaviour - shouts, won't do as told, difficult to feed, cries a lot and a bit destructive - hard to put into words exactly, but just not "happy".

I work 3 days a week and he goes to nursery 2 days until 3.30 when he is picked up by a neigbour and on the 3rd day only does half a day. He has never really settled at nursery despite going since he was around 13months. He crys when I leave him and they often say he is a bit withdrawn and cries at mealtimes there. When I ask him about nursery he says he doesn't like it and in particular, one of the staff there.

Its really starting to worry me. I don't think I deal with his tantrums in the best way and feel bad that on the days I do have him I seem to spend a lot of time fighting with him - he is a lovely little boy really and its breaking my heart to see him so upset. Is the problem really nursery do you think? If so, I would give up work.........I also have a 15 mnth old and am 12 weeks pregnant....

Or is all this normal for a 3 yr old???

Hoping someone has some advice & thanks in advance.

Thanks dinosaur _ I think I will start by having a word with the girls in his room when I pick him up tomorrow. They have said to me that he has improved a bit recently and not been so withdrawn, but his behaviour at home is odd.

I must admit I think he is the type of personality that wouldn't settle at any nursery, but I don't know. Every day the first thing he says to me when waking is "No nursery today mammy...". Oh dear. I feel like I should leave work now........!!!

I agree. Look into alternative childcare arrangements. You've got nothing to lose by changing and you could end up with a happier boy. I'd seriously look at alternative nurseries/childminders (which might suit his personality better) rather than rushing to give up work.

I also recommend The Social Toddler. IMO a good book to help you have a happier time with your toddler.

I'll second dinosaur- we changed nursery and it was the best thing we ever did. We swapped from a big chain (will remain nameless but for ever more known as "the evil nursery" in our house) to a very small one run and owned by the same person. It is so caring and he has blossomed. Like dinosaurs son he has SN, but he is included and integrated in everything. At the first nursery they just complained that he was odd as he liked to read books himself rather than play with a ball.

I had a similar situation at the start of this year with ds who was 3 at the time. I worked full time and she went to nursery 2 days a week and a childminder 3 days a week. Perfectly fine and loved her CM but very upset about nursery and like your ds woke up saying no nursery. Very difficult situation as I was very friendly with the manager there. I really felt I had to listen to her though. I was in the very lucky position of being able to give up work but still kept her with CM 2 monings as she enjoyed it so much. Was very anti CM prior to meeting mine as was worried she would just be plonked in front of TV all day, but was proved very wrong. Sometimes I just think some children need a more relaxed environment and a bit more one to one. Another thing I noticed about nursery was at 3 the ratios of staff to children seemed to change and there was less one to one and the children were expected to fend for themselves a bit more which ds didn't cope with. Not anti nursery at all, just think their needs change sometimes. Ds is now at pre school very happy and very confident so it paid off.Out of interest where does your 15mnth old go?

He goes to same nursery as well and does always cry when I leave him as well, but they reassure me that he settles quickly and he eats and sleeps there much better than his brother ever did.

I think I will seriously consider moving him in the New Year. He has his name down for the nursery attached to the school he will go to but they won't take him until probably April, but I don't think I can see him this unhappy for that long. I just worry that I could go through this all again with another nursery. Oh dear.

It's such a worry I know, hope you get it sorted. Lots of luck