Do you sometimes let your child do things you'd rather they didn't...

[MrsHelsBels74]

Because its easier than stopping them. For example my 29 month old has just found my deodorant & plastered himself in it because it was easier to let him do it.

I don't mean major bad behaviours but with little things like this does it really matter?

Yes, I'm breastfeeding newborn DS all day long. DD(3) is enjoying the freedom. She has particularly enjoyed pouring water out of my drinking bottle onto the floor, then using every towel in the house to mop it up.

Whats difficult about taking the deodorant away and distracting him with something else?

Surely cleaning it up is more time consuming?

wannabe you don't know my son, he's capable of having a major meltdown if I take away something he's playing with. I'm 7 months pregnant, haven't slept properly for weeks & could do without the tantrum. So far he's only covered himself with deodorant so it's not such a big deal to clean up.

Yes - I'd rather the children kept the sand in the sodding sand pit rather than all over the garden, but sometimes you need to pick your battles!!

Yup. Mainly pulling everything out of the kitchen cupboard.

Pain to clear up - but I do have a clean cupboard, and nothing out of date after it though; oh and I know where he is so I can get on with MNetting and drinking coffee housework.

I always feel like I am doing them a big favour by letting them play with the play-doh, does that count?

I understand that it seems easier and Im not saying I have never done this, but surely its just creating a rod for our backs to "pick battles" or allow our kids to have such terrible tantrums?

Maybe Im just stricter than most

DD (20mths) likes to root through the baskets in the bathroom and this morning while I was getting ready, she emptied a big value pack of Always Ultra onto the floor, gathered them in her arms and scattered them generously around the floor, the bedroom and the bed, packed some into a bag, waved bye bye and went shopping with them. I hope she will not do this trick for visitors, but it's easy pick them up and bung them back in the basket.

I'm not saying I do it all the time, but occasionally I do take the easy option. If it was something major obviously I wouldn't allow him to do it but if it's just a tube of hand cream/deodorant or whatever I really don't think it matters.

Oh, I stuck my tampax and pads up on a high shelf after finding DS with a suspiciously full cheek and a string dangling from the corner of his mouth

Deoderant is foul stuff....so i would have whipped it away rather than watch my kid coat themselves in it. Yuck!

I get what you're saying, but deoderant? No no no no no!

For anyone worried about the deodorant, he has finished now & is all cleaned up

Depends on what it is, but I'd say pick your battles. When DS (14m) snatches the knife off the plate at dinner time.. yes I take it off him. When he starts 'watering' the carpet with his sippy cup.. I let him get on with it. He's just exploring & learning about stuff. Dangerous = no. Costly = no (e.g. writing on the walls or bashing the iphone or w/e). Annoying = usually yes.

CarpeJugulum

Yes you choose your battles. Number 1 rule of parenting.

Definitely pick your battles. There are billions of things I'd rather they didn't do that for them come under the heading of 'fun'. For instance right now DD is sitting in the sandpit in her pyjamas covering herself in sand, and DS is repeatedly strapping himself into an old booster seat he's got out of the shed, getting stuck and then yelling for help!

I'm glad others do it, for some reason I thought I was going to get flamed for being a lazy parent. If I stopped son doing everything I didn't want him to do I think I would spend all day saying no!

I definitely pick my battles. 39+6 today and I can't be arsed to argue about a lot of things. If he's not in imminent physical danger and it won't result in property damage, I don't care.

If it doesn't result in damage to my house or others and it doesn't cause him or anyone else harm I leave him to it.

If it keeps in quiet and happy it means I can have a cup of tea in peace

No,
It's asking for trouble.
If your child has meltdowns because you take something from him then that needs to be addressed, not avoided. The older he gets the worse it's going to get.

I apologise if I come across as holier than thou, it's just I can't abide the 'can't be arsed to parent' excuse.

But as I & many others have said, if it's dangerous and/or expensive then it is addressed, so my son definitely doesn't get his own way all the time, but if it really doesn't matter then what's the harm in letting him have a play/make a mess?

Justme23 I disagree with it just getting worse if it's not addressed. Like most things with children it's a phase and obviously when her DS is 5 he won't still be doing this or tantrumming over the small things a 2 yr old does!

My DS would have spent his life tantrumming if I'd have stopped him doing harless but annoying things age 2. Now age 4, he's brilliant and never tantrums when I say no because you can explain why it's not a good idea and why it could ceate more mess etc. They become more reasonable with age. It seems daft to stop them doing every little thing. It's how they learn by experimenting with things and sadly that often means making a mess! It's not laziness. It's allowing them to be creative

I wouldn't describe slathering yourself in deodorant as "creative". :) my child has a respect for my things and if they wanted to make a mess they would be welcome to raid the "mess box" for some constructive creation.

But you are entitled to your opinion, everyone had their own parenting style. My sister in law is very vocal with her views on my parenting, but then, she cannot leave the house without her precious 5 year old going postal over the tiniest detail and her 13 year old spends every weekend around mine because she cannot stand her mother so that's something I can live with.

I suppose because I work a lot, my time with my child is precious and I would rather not spend it full of tantrums.

My DD recently slathered half of a new tube of toothpaste all over her face and room while I was washing up downstairs.

She had no tv for a week.

Why? Surely its only toothpaste? She was being creative.

Nonsense. I cant afford to buy a new tube of toothpaste everytime she decides to get creative. I cannot be sitting scrubbing toothpaste of the carpet with placenta previa. And most importantly, she needs to learn to respect peoples belongings, including her own carpet and toys.

Why would I wait until shes 5 to teach her that? She understands fully that it was wrong. If I dont teach her now that it wont be tolerated I am giving myself a harder job in the future.

All the time, I MAKE myself unclench and let them do stuff. Not because I 'can't be arsed' to parent but because I CAN be arsed. When my kids go out in the garden they always have to get soaking wet and muddy, they transfer mud from one part of the garden to the other, they empty water out everywhere (from the water butt) and make wierd concoctions with sand and leaves. I would far prefer that they play with things in a less messy way but I bite my tongue and let them get on with it. It's good for kids to explore and make a mess, to be allowed to play and be imaginative without a nagging adult telling them constantly to stop because they'll get dirty. My children know to be respectful of property and take responsibility for the mess they make by helping me clear up. They understand the meaning of the word no and outgrew tantrums at the normal age.

Parenting doesn't have to be about constantly showing them who is in charge and 'winning the battle' or continuously conditioning them to be obedient and well behaved. It's about allowing them a bit of freedom, letting them enjoy themselves so you can enjoy them too.

CarpeJugulum that is hilarious! I have tears rolling down my face