Do you sometimes let your child do things you'd rather they didn't...

[MrsHelsBels74]

Because its easier than stopping them. For example my 29 month old has just found my deodorant & plastered himself in it because it was easier to let him do it.

I don't mean major bad behaviours but with little things like this does it really matter?

Pick your battles, but decide before you wade in! (that's my experience anyway!) If yo have said NO, stick to it, don't change your mind. If it doesn't actually matter, don't say no in the first place. That way at least you are being consistent and DC's know where they stand. Also don't let them do it one day and then the next wonder why they ignore you when you say no!!It's either ok or it's not ifyswim!!!

Justme, one thing I have learnt from 15 years of parenting is that the parents who seize the chance for any battle have about the same level of trouble as the parents who always whimp out. I think it may be because both types come across as insecure and children are very quick to pick up on that. Ime, particularly with older children, giving the impression that you have to keep pulling them up because you are frightened of losing your place as top dog is not great for discipline.

The ones that seem to do best are the iron fist in the velvet glove ones, the ones who are confident enough to let the odd thing slide, because they -and their dc- know that they will see anything important through. The best image to project imho is one of being able to be lenient at times because you know there is no way you can be unseated.

It's like teachers. The calm seemingly laidback ones who project an air of authority do better than both the crowd pleasers and the insecure dishers out of constant punishments.

Tantrums are just an immature emotional response, they're not some tool that children pull out of their "devious manipulation bag", so it's no reflection on the parent whether a particular child tantrums or not, or for how long, or what over. They all develop at different rates.

If children learn that by screaming and shouting their parent is likely to back track then, possibly, if they are that way inclined they will start doing it on purpose (especially if it's the only thing that works) in order to get their own way, but that's not how it starts off, and I don't think tantrums should be used as a battle point either. You just ignore the tantrum and don't let it affect your judgement - if they've kicked off because you're not getting them a drink quickly enough, you don't need to withold the drink, you just remind them that they have to wait sometimes but you're still coming.

Some parents say no to everything. I try to make a quick assessment first, is there any harm in it? what is the risk of something getting damaged? would I want them to do it again?

And then I don't say no! If I say no my children know that I mean it but I don't just say no because I am the adult and get to decide what is and what isn't a toy/craft activity etc etc. Hey my DD's even understand "just this once" meaning that it is behaviour that I will allow this time but is not to be repeated (without permission)

Justme - congrats funny how everyone has picked up that you have only one child. You cannot extrapolate the behaviour and reactions of all children from one child, they are all different and you would find that other children would react very very differently to your son.
Also please come back in 10 years as your DS hits his teens, the phrase "easy toddler, terrible teen" is going to get you ;)

SomethingSuitablyWitty how old is your DD? I long for the day that DS puts things back but at the moment his favourite game with my cards and receipts is "let's hide them down the cracks in the sofa"

I've only read the first page so far but I completely agree with LingDiLong

I have one biological child yes.

Funny assumptions people make. I don't speak about my wards because I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with my post as they have passed the "tantrum" age.

I care for more than just my biological child. I also deal with older children as part of my work, and often the emotional fallout of their earlier years factors heavily in their circumstances as adolecents and teenagers, but cannot use them as examples without breaking the law. Plus I do believe doing so would be highly inappropriate.

I am more than confident in my qualifications to make the statements I have posted.

I really don't think you can pinpoint emotional disturbances in teenagers to them having been allowed to paint their own feet as toddlers (which is today's not-going-to-battle-it).

only if safety is not compromised and it is related to my standerds rather than plain right or wrong.

but a baby playing with doederant? no way.

Ozzie she's 20 months and it's a fairly recent variant. We previously had insertion of credit cards down the side of the mattress. Pure luck that I found them :)

without a doubt. Some battles are not worth fighting.

I also get bored with the sound of my own voice if I say no to every little thing.

No, it has nothing to do with it zuilekaD, which is what I was saying, but never mind.

If my child wanted to paint their feet they can, providing they have;

Asked permission, waited for me to get the child safe paints, paper and helped to lay down the mat. Then they can paint away until paint or paper runs out. Glitter factors quite a bit in arty stuff at the moment. That and silly string.

What would be unacceptable is if child did not ask, found some paint (or deodorant) and began slathing in it.

My child is old enough to ask. Every time.

At the moment my son is pouring water from his cup into his bowl of grapes & then transferring them between the two containers, splashing water all over the place, is this more acceptable than deodorant?

haha

DS has been known to do both, so at least we're partners in lax parenting!