To ask what your three year old can do

[dappply]

My three year old DS was late walking ( 22 months) and when he did he never steadied up ( still falls regularly now). So we have been seeing a paediatrician and physio about that. His walking is very slowly improving, but I don't particularly have any concerns about his development otherwise

Today though he saw a different paediatrician, who was distressingly negative. She said he was slow in his speaking, needed a speech therapist. Slow in fine motor development, was unlikely to be able to write, would need a scribe and OT therapist.

I'm shocked, and don't know whether to be worried or angry. I think he's ok, a little slower than others perhaps but now I'm scared. He's already had a year of tests under neurologist and physio care, and seemingly there's nothing wrong with him.

So what can your three year old do? Does my boy sound terribly abnormal?

Movement- He can walk and run, climb, kick a ball, dance, but not jump yet, and is still wobbly on steps, falls over a lot. He can walk with his balance bike, but not run yet. He can't use a scooter. He can kick and reach out in the swimming pool, but can't float on his own.

Eating- he eats everything you give him pretty much, with a preference for using his hands. Can use cutlery messily, but needs encouragement. Makes a mess.

Drawing- can hold a pen and scribble, but no interest beyond that.

Speaking- new words everyday. Uses sentences, refers to the past, the future. Uses tenses. Not 100 percent clear, maybe half of what he says makes sense. But manages conversations with old ladies on bus and other children. Chatters away constantly. Males up lots of own words

Education- understands counting, can count uptown twenty but not necessarily in the right order. Understands colours and letters, but gets them wrong mainly. Remembers all his favourite story books and reads them to himself. Remembers words to songs.

Social- will talk to anyone, join in any game, likeable and happy. Can share easily although going through a stage of telling children to go away and pushing.

Sleep- sleeps 12 hours a night and 1-3 hour nap every day

Does he sound normal?

PS One of my baby books repeats this as it's mantra:

Normal is not the same thing as average.

Children do certain things by an average age (for example, teeth may come through on average at about 8 months). Normal means something different (teeth may not appear until 14 months. It's not average, but it's definitely still in the realms of normal).

My little boy is 3.6 and has only just learnt to run and jump. He learned to walk late but can't remember when and he still has a terribly unsteady gate and is always falling over. He was born at 27weeks though and is suspected to have very mild cerebral palsey.

He can hold a pen and scribble but not interested in colouring/painting/drawing/ writing.

Count to 10 (most of the time) knows some colours.

He's got a mechanical mind and is in to everything. He picks things up by seeing them once and needs to know how everything works. I'd out money on him being an engineer of some sort.

Socially he throws himself in at the deep end and sticks up for himself.

Sleeps from 7 till about 6. Very rarely sleeps in the day, never really has (even as a newborn)

Is committed carnivore!

Is a stroppy little whingebag, but lovely with it

Preschool tell me he's entirely normal and they said the same about my 7 year old dd at the same age and she as so different!

I recon it's important to embrace people's differences. Your little boy (and mine!) may never be a Olympian or do calligraphy or climb a mountain but you can bet your bottom dollar there will be something they excell at.

P.s I learned a long time ago that Drs don't know everything. They are not gods and cannot predict the future no-matter how much they think they can!!

Oh and we've been nappy free in the day for a couple of months but still wearing them at night.

Poo is a work in progress

I'm dyspraxic. I am clumsy, struggled to tie laces, ride a bike (managed at about 40), balance, dress myself, all sport etc. My writing took a long time coming and was very scruffy, but realised looking through my old Uni folders recently it got to be quite neat.
Yes I got to Uni! Admittedly I had no speech problems, but then I was a girl, and girls tend to be slightly better at speech imho.

I would take any help you are offered, but don't panic. Just play a lot, talk a lot (and encourage clearer speech), read a lot etc.

My ds2 is just 3

Your little guy is broadly similar better at some things worse at others

the paed sounds to have been too negative - predicting not being able to write/do exams etc but she only has his best interests at heart in sorting out referrals. agree with wilson and others about grabbing the extra input with both hands, salt/ot have big caseloads, and if they think there is no issue they will be more than happy to discharge a child! my child had speech therapy, to a child it's just a nice lady (have never met a male one!) showing him pictures/playing games etc, not anything remotely traumatic or invasive.

He'll be fine, honestly.

Imperialblether spot on.

You're so lucky.

I just realised of forgot about speech. George's speech was poor and it wasn't only me that could understand him until he was about 3 and still his sister needs to translate now but preschool has improved it so so much. He's been going since jan (3 years and 1day!) and the difference is amazing.

Otoh my 7 year old daughter who's always excelled at everything and is top of the class academmically is having to have salt as she has a (some) speech defect(s).

Don't fret it too much.

DD is 3.5

Movement wise, she can run and hop, she does gymnastics and is on her way to a cartwheel. She can forward roll and balance.
She can write a couple of letters and recognise her name. She can sing songs. She can draw people, with hands and feet, faces and hair.
She can dress herself completely including buttons, and has been toilet trained for a while. I don't know, 12 months or so?

You might worry. However, DS was far, far behind this. At the same age he would only scribble. He wasn't toilet trained.

There can be vast differences between children of the same age. But I will say this with regard to getting help: Getting help and advice will not change him. If he doesn't need the help, then it won't do him any harm. If he is assessed, they will know if he needs no further assistance. He is who he is, and if he has a delay, you cannot change that - getting help, or not getting help doesn't change who he is. But - if he does need help, then getting it asap is the best thing

:)

Hello OP
Not sure that AIBU is really the best place for your thread so we are going to move to behaviour/development.
All the best to you and your DS.
Thanks
MNHQ

He sounds very normal to me, whatever normal is . A lot of 3 year olds don't dress themselves or use cutlery. Most I would say don't do anything with a pen other than scribble- mine who is 3.7 doesn't anyway!

With the speech, maybe he is a little slower, but it's not like he can't talk at all- the 3 year olds I know having speech therapy are more like just 2 year olds with few words and definitely no sentences, not to say you shouldn't consider it, but he doesn't sound that far behind.

DD at 3 can dress herself, but DS (first child) was a lot slower and probably took until nearer 4. DS couldn't jump at this age, but DD can and has been for ages. However neither can scoot or ride a bike (now age 3.7/5.7) and neither can swim yet either- DS is making a little progress now having been very scared for ages.

By the way DD didn't walk until 18 months, was still pretty wobbly at 20 months and still falls over more than her peers at 3.7. The paed you saw seems to have made spectacularly unhelpful comments.

Last thought- definitely get his eye sight checked. We found out that DS was very long-sighted with a squint when he was 5- it was at the screening test they have once they start school. It could explain some of his cautious behaviour re climbing etc- we won't know for sure, it's partly his personality, but generally he was quite a way behind his peers with physical stuff, perhaps because he couldn't see!!!!

I'm an OT (though not a paed OT I'm afraid) and just want to say that you should def agree to the referrals, as as other posters have said, getting to see OT / SALT is like gold dust in lot of areas.

The way the paed explained her concerns to you was, imho, pretty unprofessional, as she used very scaremongering language ("I doubt he'll be able to sit exams", wtf????), but if she does have concerns then getting them followed up is most definitely worth doing. As someone has already said, if they don't think he warrants input, he'll be discharged quick smart!

Every week at work (I work in adult rehab) I get referrals from doctors who have made pretty incorrect assumptions about a clients issues and therapy needs. It's not their area of expertise. The OT and SALT assessment will be done taking into the information on the referral, but they will be the experts in the area of fine motor skills and communication.

Please don't worry about labelling or your DS feeling "different. The assessent and therapy sessions will be fun and play based and he will more than likely enjoy them and not have a clue it is because there may be something "wrong" with him. And it may well be that you get lots of useful tips on how to encourage his development and improve his skills using games and play.

Looking at what he can do, he does sound like he is within normal range but that as few area would benefit from a bit of input, esp his speech. What is his pencil grip like? And how comfortable does he seem holding cutlery? (my DS is a very very messy eater at home but at nursery it is a completely different story!

Please try not to stress OP. He sounds lovely and he will be just fine,but a little extra help never hurt anyone

sounds fairly normal for an early 3, maybe slow(er) in physical things but not necessarily a problem esp if you've already had him checked.

HV came over the other day to have a chat about my dd who is 3 and she was going on and on abt speech and not doing her letter blends and not correcting herself when you, the adult, told her how to say things and how she will randomly babble and then finish with a real word when role playing... I will be very honest and say I just agreed and then closed the door on her when she was finished and continued going about our business as usual. She 3. Speech is not going to be great yet, if she's still having trouble when we get closer to school age then I'll look into it more. I understand her. Family understands her. Random people understand her so she cannot be all that hard to understand.

Thanks a lot everyone, I really appreciate all your support and advice, has really helped today. I was completely flabbergasted at the exam comment too! How strange. Good to hear opinions on how this will ( or wil not) effect him , I'll try to stop worrying about that.

He doesn't hold a pen or cutlery in any consistent way I think, altho I'll observe him more closely tommorow. He can however perfectly hold a guitar and strum and imitate chord shapes!

I'll get his eyes checked to be sure.

What's the symptoms of mild cerebral palsy.

And no probs HQ, right you are x

Mine is pretty good on the physical front, but he is ridiculously reckless too. Mo sense!
He is only just starting to be interested in drawing or colouring.
He can write a couple of letters and draw some shapes.
He knows colours, recognises numbers to 15 and about half his letter sounds.
Can count to 20 and do some simple addition.
Can't dress himself.
Toilet trained.
Hopeless with scissors. Think he is left handed though, which doesn't help.
Speech is pretty good but some sounds still not clear.
Socially confident.
Sleep awful and always has been.
Can use fork and spoon, not knife, but given half a chance will use hands.

He is just three by the way. I think your ds sounds absolutely fine. Some of the things the paed said sound insane. the bracket for normal at this age is huge as they progress so rapidly. Even an extra month can make a huge difference.

If he has had neurological tests like a MRI I think that would rule cerebal palsy out. With regards to pen holding and cutlery use he could be hypermobile in those joints or low toned in those areas. What does your physio think?

I'm glad you're feeling better. I do think the doctor sounds like she was a bit of a twit, but in the long-term, it's better that a doctor is willing to refer to specialist support as early as possible, even unnecessarily, than if they are overly blasé! But if you actually agree with that sentiment, right now, you're a better woman than me. I think that if anyone said things like that about my children, I wwould be dreadfully upset.

He's seeing his physio on Friday, so I'll ask her. He's always been diagnosed as unexplained low tone, without hyper mobility. But no one has ever mentioned his hands before. Yes he's had an MRI, loads of blood tests for things like muscular dystrophy, a years worth and they have ran out of things to test him for.

I am hurt and worried, and annoyed. But appreciative of all your opinions and ideas.

Hi there my dd has seen a pead for the last year. She is 2.10 and has had salt, physio and OT. She walked at 19 months, only had 30 words at 25 months and didn't put words together until 27 months.
She can run, jump, go upstairs but unsteady coming down, can't hop, can hold a pen and scribble but holds it awkwardly. Talks in sentences now but says some very odd things far advanced for her years (her speech suddenly appeared in space of few days), she can count reliably to ten, doesn't know her colours or her numbers, falls over a lot and has an awkward gait. Is fearful if other children , doesn't sleep well and is on melatonin and is very fussy about clothes and food. BUT she can work an iPad access all apps and YouTube, name over 25 Thomas tank trains and figure out my new mobile phone before I can!
They will all even out I reckon. She has having a 1:1 when she starts preschool in Sept

My daughter went throught the year of tests 2MRI a CT scan and more bloods than I care to remember. What it comes down to is she has low tone no explaination, no diagnosis but at least its something we can work on.

I think they have prob picked up on his hands as he is a little older now. I have only recently been told that my dd holds her pencil loosely and that is likely to be caused by the low tone.

I like the triangular shaped crayola crayons as they seem easier for her to hold properly. Once he is at school if he is still struggling you can get grip things that go over the pencil to allow him to hold it more easily.

Theraputty also for the DCs who are having trouble with pencil grip, it worked wonders with DS.

www.amazon.co.uk/theraputty/s?ie=UTF8&keywords=theraputty&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Atheraputty&page=1

That's the Amazon link but there's a few wee specialist SN webstores where you can buy it from too.

Thank you chundle and what's that noise, our children sound very similar. How old are yours now?

haven't much to add to other posters but for what it's worth, dd is 3.5, small for her age, and

movement: can walk (backwards too), run, jump, hop (sort of) go up and downstairs, dance, walk around like a crab, ride scooter, go on balance bike, climb; starting to be able to dress herself, put shoes on etc. Likes swimming, but too scared to float. Potty trained bar odd accident/set back for 9 months or so; can take herself to loo, wipe bum, wash hands, get clothes back on etc. Still in nappies at night (grrr)

eating: small eater, but not that picky. Spectacularly messy until very recently (not at nursery), can use fork and spoon and has a go with knife (cutting and spreading)

drawing: almost has pencil grip now, colors fairly well (but often loses it and scribbles), likes to draw, can draw recognizable things when she focuses which isn't often loves to make things out of lego

speaking: good, I think - she's shy and mumbles/talks quietly, but what she says is usually clear. Makes up lots of nonsense words/sentences, especially when you are pissing her off with your totally unreasonable requests. Likes words, will say things like 'julie is like drooly' grits teeth and prays she doesn't repeat this to her grandma, who is, yes, Julie

education: can count to 20 more or less (not backwards, never done this with her), recognizes quite a few letters, but isn't remotely interested in them, doesn't know any numbers, but can count out objects up to about 6 (if she's in the mood the objects are chocolates); knows colors, names of birds, flowers, plants, bugs (interested in that, see)...

social: hmm, getting better - very shy, gets overwhelmed and then messes about and is silly, won't play on playground equipment if anyone else on it. Much better 1:1 - will initiate play, ask other child to join in, take turns etc. Cannot resolve conflicts/disagreements

sleep: about 8-7.30; hasn't napped in 2 years

your son sounds like he is doing fine, very like a lot of the children on here (how refreshing to have a thread about normal 3 year old, as opposed to genius ones!)

my dd is a january birthday so she is 3.5 she is due to start pre school in august and i am terrified

My DS is 3.1 and has been referred to SALT as well. He was slow to start speaking, but not to the point where I was really panicking about it. HV thought he needed referred though, and I was happy enough as it's better to have him getting checked out and not needing it than not being seen if he was really having problems.

Your DS is ahead of mine in many ways (counting to 20, knowing words to songs, using tenses), behind in some (my DS was always very active and co-ordinated, running, jumping etc) but overall there's not much difference. All kids develop at their own pace, if I was you I'd take the help being offered but don't worry too much at this stage as he'll surprise you how much he develops in next 6-12 months.