DN is now 4.5. He didn't smile much and made very prolonged eye contact as a baby. He spoke extremely early. He is super-brainy but has a slightly aloof quality. He is really into violent language which i've seen elsewhere on mumsnet is normal at that age (thank god for mumsnet)- killing, cutting heads off etc.
DN has ALWAYS done a lot of hitting of my DS (3.5). My beloved sister says it's just a phase but he's done it since my DS was 6 months and he somehow managed to do something to his willy while he was being changed and make him cry.
Both boys are physically a bit wimpish but in opposite ways - DN is strong with thick limbs but can barely bring himself to run. DS runs like crazy but isn't strong, has skinny limbs.
Personalities are opposite though. DN is super-articulate, able to discuss matters more like a much older child or even eerily sometimes like an adult. He is very involved with certain TV series and characters. He loves monster-type toys. He's very very moody - when he's in a good mood (about 30% of the time I'd say) he's sweet, but when he's in a bad mood he hits and just gives off awful vibes. He gets very overwhelmed by big parties and very, very jealous of other people's presents.
DS has been slow to speak although not behind. his conversation is largely describing what he's doing at that moment, or repeating what you've just said. He is extrovert, skipping along to join in anything he sees. He's generally in a good mood. He's huggy and benign, he literally says 'hello trees hello flowers' type stuff.
One unfortunate thing - he has a low pain threshold like his dad. I'm not sure DN hits very hard, but DS feels it.
DS LOVES DN. But DN is in my opinion being a proto-bully. He hits DS and sort of treats him like he has the plague which just guts me. I have to say DS is fairly resilient. I'm not sure he notices any of it except the physical stuff, and he gets outraged rather than slinking away. But I worry he's getting wound up and that this is a damaging experience for him.
In my darkest moments I think DN may have anti-social tendencies. He doesn't seem to care about right and wrong, just what the reward and punishment are. This is not helped by my genuinely beloved sister who uses this a lot to manage him. I'm not sure if she's responding to him or he's responding to her - I suspect a bit of both. She doesn't really manage the hitting and so I am often telling off DN - and usually resorting to threatened punishment (we'll leave if you do it again) as that seems to work best.
If I didn't have DS I'd find DN intriguing, fascinating, entertaining. But I do have DS and actually DN really upsets me.
My sister and i spend a lot of time together but I'm finding it increasingly hard.
AIBU?
Anyone else in a similar situation?